To ask for a handhold? Worrying news about unborn baby at 31 weeks

[ladydorito]

Hi everyone, I'm posting here for traffic, I'm really sorry.

Yesterday I had what I thought was a "routine" growth scan following a period of changed movements at 30+6 weeks. The "good" news is that baby has moved into breech which explains the change in movements.

The bad news is, having had their femur length measure short but not worryingly so throughout pregnancy, baby's femur is now on the first percentile. This, coupled with a large head measurement (on the 92nd percentile) has resulted in a referral to fetal medicine. The specialist can't see us until Wednesday and I just have no idea how to get through the next 48 hours.

The team at our hospital were lovely yesterday. I spoke to a registrar who went through what the various causes of this could be. I'm short (5"2) with particularly short legs (although I wouldn't say 99 percent of people have longer..
) and was born two weeks late weighing only 6lbs so there's a decent chance I'm simply carrying a short baby like me.

But we've also been told this could be a soft marker for undiagnosed Downs or one of the other trisomys. The idea of getting this far in pregnancy and having that missed makes me feel sick. We could cope with a baby with Downs, it isn't what any mum would hope for but they will be showered with love always. But the idea of the baby having one of the non life compatible trisomys has worried me to the point I've been throwing up this morning.

Skeletal dysplasia has also been mentioned - I thought this just meant what I understand as dwarfism, which DH and I would be totally fine with, it would obviously be an adjustment but not life limiting or even massively life changing from what I have read. But now I've fallen down the rabbit hole and am reading about other dysplasias that are incompatible with life and again, the idea of bringing a child to term who will not survive is just beyond unbearable.

I can feel little one kicking me as I type and I feel like I've failed them so much for even thinking about the worst case scenarios. This is our much longed for first baby and after a terrible first trimester with a hematoma that just bled and bled, we really thought we were at the point we could enjoy pregnancy.

In a twist so cruel it's almost funny, all our nursery furniture is due to arrive from Mamas and Papas this morning.

I'm so sorry about how long this is but I think I'm just asking for a handhold or even advice from anyone who has been through similar.

Thank you so much. X

I'm sorry you've had this worrying news, you must be so scared.
Try not to spiral and not to Google. It will not help or change the situation.

I have no advice, just a hand hold. Wednesday is such a long time but try not to go on Google too much as it’s just so filled with lots of scary things. Just look on the bright side. I hope everything goes well on Wednesday

Try not to worry, although when I was going through similar I HATED people saying that to me because it's normal to worry! Actually. Worry. Just keep it proportionate and within the confines of what you know rather than in the abstract.

For reassurance I had the exact same issue with my youngest and all was well it was just our genetics. They dropped off the bottom of the chart for a fair while so I was at the hospital on a weekly basis for measurement checks (IUGR risk)

My youngest is absolutely thriving and healthy now and of above average height.

Try not to google, it just makes you anxious. Hand hold for your wait until Wednesday. X

No medical advice, the specialists will be able to guide you through this on Wednesday. Personal advice is to try and stay away from Google. Hard I know, but it can only give you "ifs and buts" and scenarios far from your situation. I can totally understand your need to hunker down and keep away from others until you know. Reach out on here, there are many hands to hold 🫶

Did you have the triple test? What was your PAPP-A level like? My DS had similar issues but we never got to further testing because I needed an emergency c section when i developed HELLP syndrome. He had IUGR caused by that and was v small when born and needed to be in hospital for a while. But we both made a full recovery and he doesn’t have any chromosomal disorders.

My daughters femurs where off the chart small not even on the centile off the scale small and I can remember the panic like it was yesterday as they thought she had dwarfism (wouldn’t of been the end of the world) like yourself I’m 5”2 her granny 4”11 and her great granny was 4”2!

Once I went to the consultant for the detailed scan as soon as he laid eyes on me he said I’m going to put your mind at ease right off the bat I don’t think we have anything to worry about here.

And he was right she’s fine just a very short little girl hope your ok it’s a horrible worry xx

Also offering a hand hold, and advising to stay away from Google with kindness x

This is out of your hands now until Wednesday. Reading things on Google when you don't know what condition your baby has, if anything, is just going to lead to even more torture at a bloody awful time. Growth scans can throw these sorts of mis-measurements up but more often than not, it's nothing to worry about and hopefully that will be the case with you. If not, you will get the care you need.

Completely understand that you don't want to discuss with friends at the moment. This is something for you and DH to work through with the doctors until Wednesday, when you'll know more.

I really hope you get reassuring news on Wednesday. Can you and DH get out for a walk together somewhere quiet today and tomorrow to pass the time?

Google isn't your friend here. You're just going to torture yourself until Wednesday by coming across worst-case scenario information. It's notoriously difficult to get accurate measurements from an ultrasound scan so the likelihood is that your baby is absolutely fine. I really hope that's the case 💐

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. I'm the worst in the world for googling but do try and stay away from it as much as you can, it'll only add to your anxiety.
Sending a handhold and praying for good news on Wednesday x

Handhold here.
Not exactly the same situation but my little one was measuring off the charts small all throughout pregnancy. It was consultant led and i had measurement scans every other week since 18w. Every scan her femur lenght was under 1 percentile while her head was more in the 50th percentile.
She was born perfectly normal although very small (14 months old now and still under the 0.4 percentile for weight). I have no idea why her femur was showing that small. What i suspect is she was maybe sitting cross-legged in my tummy and that's why the measurement was off. She ended up being perfect, just very small (but feisty!)

Wishing you all the luck! In my case they did a cvs test aroubd18 weeks to rule out many of the nasty genetic stuff. Not sure if theres something else available at 31 weeks?

I was told something similar and panicked. Baby is now 6”4 and very very healthy. I hope you get good news OP 💐

Oh bless you OP, totally understand this must be so worrying. Sending a hand hold and Hoping for good news for you on Wednesday x

Agree with what a PP said about fetal medicine advances and “the more you look the more you find”. I’ve been through this worry with both my pregnancies.

The first had various soft markers for rare genetic conditions. I was absolutely convinced something was wrong, there was no way the baby could have that many soft markers and there NOT be something wrong. I fell down the Google rabbit hole of reading all sorts of academic papers about worst case scenarios. But there wasn’t anything wrong he was born perfectly healthy.

The second had measurements all over the place - head circumference off-the-charts, other measurements small. So many consultant appointments and scans, they seemed desperate to find a cause for this. He’s a perfectly healthy child (who does, to be fair, have a really big head).

No-one can say there’s nothing to worry about but I know so many people who have had extra checks like this during their pregnancies and none resulted in anything other than a healthy baby.

Friend had similar. Turns out their dc was a wee shortie and still is. Friend and partner are both under 5'5 so dc was never going to be huge but dr don't really seem to take this into account.

Please try and stay away from google. I was in a very similar position - at the 20 week scan I was told that baby was measuring small but in particular, the femurs and humerus were measuring in 6th percentile. As a result of this I was referred to a consultant for further scan.

Naturally I did exactly what the sonographer told me I shouldn’t do and googled what this might mean and went into a complete panic. The consultant re/measured everything and checked for any other 'softmarkers' for either ds or dwarfism but couldn't find anything so concluded that on balance my baby was just small (and said neither me or dh were exactly basketball players). I then continued to have regular scans throughout pregnancy.

I now have a beautiful baby boy and his legs are perfectly fine. Good luck for your scan, sending you a big hug xx

How worrying for you. I really hope that this turns out to be one of those random scans that doesn’t mean anything negative. I had a worrying scan with my second and was under consultant care for a portion of my pregnancy until they decided it was nothing. It’s such an anxious time!

For now, focus on the love you have for this baby which will not change, whatever comes down the line and whatever decisions or difficulties you are faced with. That love cannot be measured or scanned but you know it is real. This baby is loved and even if you are faced with things that were unimaginable a few days ago, you will alwyas have this love that you experineced for this baby and they will know that they are loved. You will find a way to reach out for the support you need when you need it and you do not have to be alone unless you choose that.

Nothing to offer but a handhold, OP, and I'm sorry you're having to go through all this anxiety.

I do sometimes wonder if all this testing and scanning is a bit of a two-edged sword though. It so often gives rise to a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

DP and his ex were told at one point that their baby would probably have Edwards syndrome. He's now a 32-year old, 6'3" tree surgeon with a first class degree.

Holding your hand and wishing and praying that everything will turn out fine.

Sending you a big hug OP.

When I was pregnant with my youngest, they became concerned about various soft markers at around 28 weeks due to the size of his head (off the percentile chart) and other measurements.

To cut a very long story short- he is absolutely fine. Just has a really big head!

I know this is anecdotal but I just wanted to reassure you as I was SO afraid and in the end all was well. It is good they are being cautious but most likely outcome is that everything will be ok.

stay off Google! I know it’s hard but it does you no good mentally x

Oh OP, how horribly stressful. Another handhold here and sending very best wishes for Wednesday, hoping you get some reassuring news.

Hi OP,
I had an almost identical experience. Covid times so limited care, then a sudden shock growth scan. It felt like the end of the world, and the sudden confirmation of everything I had been worried about.

I was very carefully monitored by Fetal Med, and they particularly checked the placenta was still working ok. I was induced a bit early and the baby came out at nearly 6lbs (the scans had been predicting around 4lbs). I can only agree with those who say that the scans are only an estimate and also that you are in the right place. Fetal med is the right place and they will help you through all of this.

Hold on tight. A bad outcome is possible, but it is much much more likely that things will be ok.

I went through a very similar situation a few months ago OP. 1st centile for femur & head was about 70th. I was under fetal medicine for another reason entirely (previous neonatal loss), consultant really emphasised height being a big factor (5ft 1 myself) and that I wasn't made to have big babies. With both my previous pregnancies my DC were small but never as small as this one. We were monitored closely & offered an amino but my consultant made us very aware of the risks attached to this.

Long story short, I had a beautiful, healthy, very small baby girl. It's an unbelievable worry & having previously lost my son it was an awful time. I know not everyone has the same outcome but in my experience the short femur was linked to my height. She is still short & her head remains about the 80th centile. But apart from that all is well.

Sending hugs & well wishes!