To think DD’s social life is already set by 3?

[Housebuyingfamily]

I realise this is almost certainly unreasonable but I’m looking for some perspective. DD is coming up to 3 and due to moving house has been to 3 nurseries. She/we did make one or two friends in the first two but nothing too substantial or regular. Her current nursery is extremely small with mixed ages, and we’ve only had one (accidental) playdate in 6 months.

Today it struck me that DD has never been to a 3rd birthday party, despite the fact a lot of her school year have turned 3 by now. Every time we go to the park or soft play, all I can see is groups of parent friends. Starting to fixate on it. We have large social circles ourselves but none have kids, or kids remotely the same age. Same with our families. Our NCT group moved away. It’s like we’ve been isolated by bad luck. Time goes so quick, and out of nowhere I feel like we’ve already let DD down, which is a horrible feeling.

We have now decided to move DD into a preschool this September which is attached to the best primary school in the area, that also has most families “like us”. That’ll be place number 4, but the current place hasn’t yielded much at all, so we feel it’s a last roll of the dice to try and get inside a “clique” before school proper starts next year.

The point of this post is basically that I’m worried that even at the new preschool, in which everyone is joining at the same time, there will STILL be cliques from one or two nurseries. Basically, as insane as it sounds, by 3 is there already a die cast, socially speaking?

I wouldn’t worry at all, my 4 year old has only been to 2 birthday parties. The weekends are ours and the idea of having to sit and be sociable with other parents I don’t really like is not something I enjoy. He has friends at school but we have a large family with lots of children who he socialises with a lot.
I have one friend at the school whose son is the same age as mine, we completely get each other, neither of us do play dates very often but when we do we enjoy it.
I don’t like the idea of being part of a clique, the ones here are just full of two-faced parents who pretend to like each other but don’t, and will spread gossip about their ‘friends’ the first chance they get. Being part of a clique is not something to aspire to. Be yourself, and the right friends will come along.

It's perfectly OK to feel like this but don't worry. My oldest DS went to party after party from the age of 2 and his year group (he is 7 now) are really active with playdates and parties. My youngest DS is 4 and has only been to a handful of parties and 1 playdate. His year group dont seem to be as socially active and i wonder if its because they are the Covid generation. Both my boys went to 2 nurseries and then the school pre school. It was the pre school where the friendship groups started to form and it did wonders for those transition to school so I'd recomend getting your DD into the pre school as soon as posable, that's when friendships will be made but they chop and change as they go through the year groups.

This is insane. Your child is 3. Many children won't have been to any sort of nursery by that age - their "friends" are not their friends, they're the children of their carers friends.
This is not about them making friends, this is about you making friends. I don't mean that nastily. Its ok to want local parent friends. Just be friendly and chatty at pick up, volunteer when the school asks for help so that you can meet people.

Your child will be fine. They will make friends even if some kids start preschool knowing other children. They will make new friends continually during their school life, whenever there is a shake up, like being sat next to someone different or doing group work.

I found it very hard when my oldest was little. I found the language barrier tough and was intimidated by people already knowing each other. But it comes and then suddenly you reflect and you have all these numbers of people who will pick up your kids after school if disaster strikes.

DS is 10 months. He’s been invited to some (two) 1st birthday parties which is lovely. These are people who we met at baby groups.

DS does not go to childcare because grandad cares for him / DH and I juggle with work (we are older parents and have stupid amounts of work flexibility now).

DS will not be having a first birthday party because he won’t remember and quite frankly Im tired and can’t be bothered. People often don’t bother when their children are too young to remember and are happy with a Colin caterpillar cake! It might be that there haven’t been any parties rather than that your DD hasn’t been invited.

Also from DDs experience (aged 10) whole class invites to primary school birthday parties are super common and your DD won’t be excluded.

You are over worrying.

I wouldn’t worry. I moved areas three times before dd was 4. She has plenty of friends and goes to lots of parties. She’s 9 now

relax. I would say the party thing starts when they start school nursery, think you are looking into this a bit too deep.