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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should we let DD2 come to meal?

288 replies

Funkyslippers · 15/04/2023 17:23

DD2 (14) accidentally left the key in the front door when she came in today. OH noticed when he came in the house not long after but she is frequently careless (leaving windows open when she goes out etc). She refused to take responsibility or apologise, reasoning that nobody took the key, nothing bad happened, so it's all fine. We explained that someone could have easily taken the key. He's now saying she can't come out for a meal with us tonight, also with DD1 (19). She's v upset but still refusing to apologise but I don't like going out for a nice meal and leaving her at home miserable. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Nattertatter03 · 15/04/2023 17:25

It’s an accident, take her key Off her if she can’t be trusted… but let her go out for a nice meal - as you clearly can’t leave her at home given how careless she is!🤣

WhoWants2Know · 15/04/2023 17:25

It was an accident. Excluding her from dinner is overkill

FourEyesGood · 15/04/2023 17:26

Can’t work out how to vote. YANBU to not like leaving her out; YABU to leave her out of the meal. She made a mistake, but that punishment has nothing to do with the crime.

swashbucklecheer · 15/04/2023 17:26

It seems a bit ott to me for leaving the key in the door. But you know your DD best.

Original poster
Funkyslippers · 15/04/2023 17:27

It's more the refusing to apologise. No need to vote, sorry

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 15/04/2023 17:28

It was an accident. DD did it the other day and all I did was remind her to remember next time. It's something I've done more than once.

Taking her key off of her is a reasonable and natural consequence, not letting her come to a family meal is just unkind and not related to the crime at all.

dietcokelime · 15/04/2023 17:28

I mean it's really careless and someone could have taken the key - surely she just needs to apologise and say she'll not do it again? Refusing to take responsibility/ apologise is really childish and I can understand why you don't want to take her out for a meal now!

stillherenow · 15/04/2023 17:30

That’s ridiculous I’ve done this so many times! Sounds a bit harsh in your house OP!

batsandeggs · 15/04/2023 17:31

Poor kid, it was an accident. Doesn’t seem like a hill to die on, go have a nice meal jeez.

MacarenaMacarena · 15/04/2023 17:31

Have you tried good cop bad cop?
"dad was so worried about the key thing... I know we were lucky this time, but I could tell dad would be terrified in case you hadn't learned from this hiccup, and next time a very bad person could be sat here waiting for you or your sister to come back alone. It's scary. I would love us all to put this behind us and go out for that meal - can you just go to dad and say you understand it was a silly oversight, that you are aware of the dangers that are out there and you'll try to be more careful - maybe even thank him for caring if you want him to push the boat out for puddings! "

Bigbus · 15/04/2023 17:32

Every one of us has left their key in the lock by accident in our house. It would be a complete non-event and would not lead to any kind of argument or punishment so I wonder if there is more to this than just the key?

BMW6 · 15/04/2023 17:32

If she does it again take her most prized possession from her room. Burglars must have done it via the unlocked door 😉

BunsenBurnerBaby · 15/04/2023 17:32

But it just escalated everything. You are the adult here, she is still a child. If you want to do something take the key off her today; talk about it tomorrow/ next week when no one is heated when you give it back, and let her come out for dinner with you. She’s a teen backed into a corner and feeling ashamed and under attack. it’s on you to fix this.

Dortmunder · 15/04/2023 17:32

Wow 😮

Seems a massive overreaction to me.

Inkpotlover · 15/04/2023 17:33

If she's refusing to apologise, take the key away and tell her she'll have to work round everyone else's timings to get into the house in future. But banning her from a meal out is OTT.

Favouritefruits · 15/04/2023 17:33

The meal has nothing to do with leaving a key in a door, seems a strange punishment not that I think she should be punished in the first place. Let her go to the meal it’s not like she’s done anything awful.

JustDanceAddict · 15/04/2023 17:34

We’ve all done that here too! It’s a non-event.
she should def come for the meal. She not apologising cos she’s on the defensive.

N4ish · 15/04/2023 17:34

I’ve left a key in the front door by accident many times, no one in my family has made a big deal of it. Don’t spoil a potentially enjoyable family meal by overreacting to a minor incident.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 15/04/2023 17:35

I'm all for learning a lesson, but I find it hard to believe you or your husband have never made a mistake like this. I certainly wouldn't exclude from a family dinner out over it. Goodness me, I left my own key in my own front door earlier but I'm not going to not have dinner as a punishment.

BrutusMcDogface · 15/04/2023 17:36

Dear god, I’ve done that before. As long as she understands how dangerous that could have been, and tries to be more careful in future, I don’t think she needs to be punished by missing a meal out! Would you even enjoy it if you knew she was at home alone and sad? I wouldn’t.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 15/04/2023 17:36

She made a mistake.

Is there really any benefit to punishing her?

SweetSakura · 15/04/2023 17:37

She's a human. She made a mistake like all of us do.
Of course let her come to the meal

stillherenow · 15/04/2023 17:38

And what’s the point of forcing an apology! It’s just words. Let it go, have a nice meal, this is so not a big deal! Put a sticker on the door as a reminder if you’re really worried! 14 is young too.

GOW56 · 15/04/2023 17:38

It sounds as though this has turned into a battle of wills and blown up out of all proportion. Excluding her from a family meal is cruel and won't make anything better.
Everyone forgets things sometimes I'm sure I've left the key on the door before .You just need to talk to her about how dangerous it could be.
Forcing an apology is meaningless and just makes the situation much worse.

Stripedbag101 · 15/04/2023 17:38

I do this every few months! It’s really not a big deal. Accidents happen!!

your reaction seems OTT - yes there is a small risk someone will take the key, but really you and your husband seem panicked by this. Do you live in a high crime area?

You have explained to your daughter the risks attached ti doing this - it wasn’t deliberate.

im not sure what the apology is for? She didn’t hurt anyone - who needs to forgive her?