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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should we let DD2 come to meal?

288 replies

Funkyslippers · 15/04/2023 17:23

DD2 (14) accidentally left the key in the front door when she came in today. OH noticed when he came in the house not long after but she is frequently careless (leaving windows open when she goes out etc). She refused to take responsibility or apologise, reasoning that nobody took the key, nothing bad happened, so it's all fine. We explained that someone could have easily taken the key. He's now saying she can't come out for a meal with us tonight, also with DD1 (19). She's v upset but still refusing to apologise but I don't like going out for a nice meal and leaving her at home miserable. Wwyd?

OP posts:
annonymousmouseinyourhouse · 16/04/2023 14:14

Take the key off her but take her to dinner.

Prettybutdumb · 16/04/2023 14:17

Funkyslippers · 15/04/2023 17:27

It's more the refusing to apologise. No need to vote, sorry

What value is there in an apology that was forced out of a person through blackmail? I don’t get people who absolutely insist in receiving an apology. You get one or you don’t, if it’s not voluntary and sincere there’s no point.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 16/04/2023 14:50

I don't think the OP is coming back.

pauline987 · 16/04/2023 16:28

Do you or your husband never accidentally leave the key in the door or leave a window open?

This seems like a massive overreaction. People leave windows open and leave keys in doors all the time. I would never expect an apology for it. It's such an easy thing to do

DemelzaandRoss · 16/04/2023 16:40

It’s your DH I would be worried about. Such an overreaction. I do stuff like this frequently & don’t like being called out on it either, makes you feel daft.
Go out on your own meal with DC & leave your miserable DH to his own devices.
Far worse things to get mad about.

Gcsunnyside23 · 16/04/2023 17:31

I think the point is that she's done this repeatedly and been asked to be more careful, she knows this is a point if worry for her parents and she still acts like it's no big deal. I would find that disrespectful.
Just because some think it's no big deal doesn't mean others don't. I personally do as I worry about the house being locked up etc.
But also the point too is as adults if you make this mistake and it results in needing new locks on the house or house burgled then the financial onus is on you but if it's the daughters fault it's still the parents responsibility and she doesnt understand having a key is a privilege.

I would take her key away and she will quickly learn to pay attention to where her key is

Crackingoldjob · 16/04/2023 23:30

I just think this has descended into a battle of the wills you know, and when you lock horns and noone is backing down, where do you go next? It just escalates beyond all reason. If someone was demanding an apology off me, you can be absolutely bloody sure they wouldn't get one. Is it a hill to die on? Sometimes taking a step back and trying to de-escalate is the better option, accidents do happen, repeatedly sometimes. I'm forever doing stuff like this and I drive myself mad!

2bazookas · 17/04/2023 00:02

I'd take her key off her and tell her it's because she 's repeatedly shown she's too immature and childish to have that much responsibility.

karenjkayjay · 17/04/2023 00:47

It’s all seems very over the top for just leaving a key in the door, we all have accidents. I’ve done it myself with my car keys attached as well.

Swimminginthelake · 17/04/2023 01:29

What's the point in forcing her to apologise just for the sake of it? It's like some kind of overbearing power battle. And she'll clearly only be saying it because you're trying to make her not because she means it or because she's taking responsibility. Responsibility for what though? Nothing happened. It was an accident. I've done it a few times, especially when younger. Cut her some slack especially if this is the first time. She's 14 not 19. Not taking her out for a meal is actually quite mean and will just build resentment.

Doone21 · 17/04/2023 06:26

I expect your OH overreacted and you are now at a Mexican standoff. I guess I'd try talking to her again saying you understand it was an oversight that turned out harmless but she needs to be able to accept it was her that did it and say sorry. Saying sorry when you don't want to is an important life skill.
If she agrees to prep your OH to accept it with literally no comment except thank you and never mention it again.
Hope it works

OkImListening · 17/04/2023 08:24

Please say that you DID let DD go to the meal last night, OP?

Mrsmaggie27 · 17/04/2023 09:02

It was an accident!!! I do it all the time some people are careless no matter how hard they try! The punishment seems very ott! I would t leave her at home!

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