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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my friend on holiday for free?

185 replies

Trul · 13/04/2023 11:26

DP and I booked a luxury all-inclusive holiday abroad a few months ago. Due to unforeseen circumstances, and despite our best efforts, it's now unlikely that DP will be able to come. We cannot get a refund or reschedule as the holiday is now only a few weeks away. Between DP and I, we earn well into six figures and the holiday is already paid for upfront.

I have said to DP that I will take my friend, which he is happy with, but he wants my friend to pay for 'his' share. My friend is a single parent to an autistic DC, there is no way she could ever afford to pay for his share. I've suggested that as it's already paid for, and is no financial loss to us, I take my friend for free. She can pay for a few meals / drinks out there, if she wishes. I'm sure my friend will offer to pay a token amount, but as it's already paid for, and the other option is me going alone or us both losing out completely, I'd rather she didn't. It would also make a much bigger impact to her (if she offered £500 for example), then if we lost out on that amount. She has been a very good friend to me over the years.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 13/04/2023 11:29

You are kind and generous. Your DP not so much. Would he prefer the other scenario whereby you stay at home and lose out altogether?

TempNCforthis · 13/04/2023 11:30

But he can't get a refund on his share anyway so that's really really mean of him to say she can't take his place.

Will your friend be able to get care for her son while she's away? I bet she could really do with a break.

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:32

How do operate family finances? Ie did you pay individually or from combined family pot?

will she be able to afford the flight? Non transferable

TokyoSushi · 13/04/2023 11:32

YANBU at all, you sound like a lovely friend!

Setyoufree · 13/04/2023 11:32

Feels like your DP is being a bit of a dog in a manger over it all. Is he upset about not being able to go and he's basically taking it out on her? Is it the sort of thing travel insurance would cover? If not, I think it would be a lovely thing to do for your friend.

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:33

She can pay for a few meals / drinks out there, if she wishes.

but it’s AI?

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:33

Did you not have travel insurance?

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:34

You and your dp

how long together and do you live together?

SummaLuvin · 13/04/2023 11:35

If it's non-refundable then I think offering it for free is a nice thing to do. The money is spent and not coming back, so someone may as well enjoy it.

If you ask her to pay she either may not have the money, wish to spend that amount of money, or would not have agreed to the specifics of the spend (i.e. that level of hotel....). I think her paying for her share of spending while out there is fair, and any admin fees that go alongside changing names on flights e.t.c.

tillytoodles1 · 13/04/2023 11:36

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:33

She can pay for a few meals / drinks out there, if she wishes.

but it’s AI?

Surely they'll leave the hotel sometimes.

restisall · 13/04/2023 11:40

Ignore him, offer it to your friend!

rainbowstardrops · 13/04/2023 11:40

I think it would be a lovely thing to do. I'd much rather take a friend who is deserving of a break, rather than either go alone or lose all of the money.
Your partner is a dick.

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:42

tillytoodles1 · 13/04/2023 11:36

Surely they'll leave the hotel sometimes.

Show quote history

Depends entirely on where you are

Jagoda · 13/04/2023 11:43

DP sounds really mean.

Very unattractive

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:45

Jagoda · 13/04/2023 11:43

DP sounds really mean.

Very unattractive

We don’t know enough to say that

perhaps he doesn’t like this woman at all. A bad history

perhaps he wants to claim on insurance

perhaps the op and DP have very separate finances and she’s offered something that really was only his to offer

GoodChat · 13/04/2023 11:48

I'd offer the opportunity to your friend. There's no reason not to.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/04/2023 11:49

Who paid for the holiday? Is there someone he would prefer to 'gift' his portion to?

KarmaStar · 13/04/2023 11:51

If she can get a child minder then she will be delighted I guess😀

monsteramunch · 13/04/2023 11:52

Your partner sounds horrible tbh unless there's a huge backstory and your friend is a terrible person!

theGooHasGone · 13/04/2023 11:55

If the money is gone and there's no way of getting it back I see absolutely no harm in being generous and offering a friend a cheap (if not entirely free) holiday. Get her to pay the name change fee on the flight ticket and job done.

Sounds like your partner is trying to be a little cheap about it and recoup whatever he can. Wrong attitude. If there was a risk that he wouldn't be able to go, he should have bought travel insurance and/or refundable tickets.

I tend to feel like good karma is often paid forward and doing something nice for a friend will come back to you eventually.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/04/2023 11:55

Also will you be happy if your DP is in a position to go later he says well you took Betty for a treat so I will take Barney for a treat?

Whatdayisitalexa · 13/04/2023 12:01

If you're not covered by insurance or if you are and It means you won't be able to get away with him later in the year he's being very mean spirited I think

ArrrMeHearties · 13/04/2023 12:02

What a lovely thing to do for your friend. If I were your friend I would be honestly over the moon to be asked to go. As you say the holiday is paid for regardless

tennesseewhiskey1 · 13/04/2023 12:05

You are very kind. Your husband isn’t. Hth. 🤷🏻‍♀️

cstaff · 13/04/2023 12:20

So he wants to charge your friend for an non refundable holiday that he has to cancel because he cant go and would rather leave you to holiday alone. Sounds a bit miserable to me. Also, I presume it is a double room so you are limited in the people you could ask to share a room with you.