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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my friend on holiday for free?

185 replies

Trul · 13/04/2023 11:26

DP and I booked a luxury all-inclusive holiday abroad a few months ago. Due to unforeseen circumstances, and despite our best efforts, it's now unlikely that DP will be able to come. We cannot get a refund or reschedule as the holiday is now only a few weeks away. Between DP and I, we earn well into six figures and the holiday is already paid for upfront.

I have said to DP that I will take my friend, which he is happy with, but he wants my friend to pay for 'his' share. My friend is a single parent to an autistic DC, there is no way she could ever afford to pay for his share. I've suggested that as it's already paid for, and is no financial loss to us, I take my friend for free. She can pay for a few meals / drinks out there, if she wishes. I'm sure my friend will offer to pay a token amount, but as it's already paid for, and the other option is me going alone or us both losing out completely, I'd rather she didn't. It would also make a much bigger impact to her (if she offered £500 for example), then if we lost out on that amount. She has been a very good friend to me over the years.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 14/04/2023 12:20

Sounds like a lovely idea, he loses nothing, you get a better break and sounds like she needs a break. Maybe let her pay if there is a change fee, but it it's minimal I'd let her off that too.

JoanThursday1972 · 14/04/2023 12:20

He's a horrible, selfish, mean, smug Scrooge.

DunkingMyDonuts · 14/04/2023 12:26

Another "one-hit wonder" OP?!

So many lately drop a long, controversial post, then nothing

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 14/04/2023 12:34

Cleoforever · 14/04/2023 11:40

Some don’t allow transfers

Others allow but charge an admin fee

i wonder if the friend even has a valid passport given her circumstances

And maybe the friend is scared of flying? Or doesn’t like foreign food? Or could meet the man of her dreams and impulsively elope, meaning she can’t go?

None of this stops the OP asking the question.

Cleoforever · 14/04/2023 12:35

I wonder key wording

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 14/04/2023 12:44

Yes, but why are you wondering? It doesn’t make any difference to the question at hand.

Cleoforever · 14/04/2023 12:48

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 14/04/2023 12:44

Yes, but why are you wondering? It doesn’t make any difference to the question at hand.

Tis the beauty of a chat forum! 😂

Createausername1970 · 14/04/2023 13:01

I think its a lovely idea to take your friend, but I wouldn't create waves with DP. I would just say "oh well, it was just a thought, she isn't going to be able to afford to do that, so I will just go on my own - unless you can suggest someone else appropriate who would be willing pay your half and share a room with me?"

He might just see the sense in what you were originally suggesting.

MangoPi · 14/04/2023 13:24

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 14/04/2023 10:42

I don’t think he’s being unreasonable asking her to pay a contribution towards it, that sounds fair to me.

I also think there are a few MN double standards at play in the replies. If OP had come on to say she couldn’t go on a paid for holiday and her DP wanted to take his best mate instead for free and have a lads holiday the replies would be very different and along the lines of ‘he’s a cf freeloader, if he wants a holiday he should pay’ ‘why are you spending your hard earned money on a holiday for him’ ‘get him to pay his share so you can go on a spa break’.

The OP clearly states We cannot get a refund or reschedule

So the options are neither of them go and loose all of their money which seems silly to me, OP goes alone or OP goes with someone else.

It's disappointing and annoying that OPs partner cannot go but he cannot go regardless and they are going to loose money either way.

Someone might as well go with the OP

pollykitty · 14/04/2023 13:57

I cannot see why you wouldn’t take someone else tbh. Seems like a wonderful opportunity and cannot understand your DH wanting to somehow recoup his costs since he’ll be out no matter what. On a much smaller scale I’ve occasionally had to cancel plans to attend gigs and always offered tickets to friends for free. Why waste them?! Seems pretty stingy not to do so.

Gauley2022 · 14/04/2023 13:58

Tell him he has to ask her for the money then, I bet he won't when it comes to it unless he really is an AH.

Happyasalamb · 14/04/2023 14:03

It would be lovely to offer it to your friend at no cost as regardless this would have been lost and she wasn't expecting this so may have limited savings for spending money etc.

Although it's a generous offer, your friend may have her own reasons why she cannot accept. Costs may be prohibitive for example she could incur costs of her own to go - childcare, pet sitting etc, she may not be able to get the time off work or she doesn't have someone who could look after her child for that length of time.

I don't think your husband is being mean, it probably popped into his head and he said it without fully thinking it through. You are probably quite limited who could reasonably go especially as the likelihood is you have booked a double room.

Straightsidedcircle · 14/04/2023 14:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

wheretonow123 · 14/04/2023 14:25

DunkingMyDonuts · 14/04/2023 12:26

Another "one-hit wonder" OP?!

So many lately drop a long, controversial post, then nothing

I think you are on the money there - the 'friend' just happens to be a a single parent to an autistic DC and OP and husband have a high income between them - all to get a nice story going!

Goodread1 · 14/04/2023 14:34

Hi Op
Offer it to your good friend

She can pay for her own meals

Whichnumbers · 14/04/2023 14:37

tillytoodles1 · 13/04/2023 11:36

Surely they'll leave the hotel sometimes.

Show quote history

but if your friend doesn't have the money, just because you give her a present of a holiday doesn't mean she has to then spend money she may not have...

make t very clear before you go and she accepts the holiday if you expect her to spend money in return

Dilemma19 · 14/04/2023 14:42

Yanbu, it would be a very kind thing to do for someone who has probably having a tough life. Sometimes it's wonderful to do something for someone just because you can. Why is your dp objecting? My dh would rather me not miss out and insist I go with a friend. If you can well afford it, what is his objection?

Lovemusic33 · 14/04/2023 14:52

I would just tell him that you either don’t go at all meaning you lose the money and neither of you get a holiday, or you go and take your friend with you without her paying. It’s no loss to him if you take your friend, you can’t get a refund so you might as well take your friend and enjoy your holiday.

breakingintopieces · 14/04/2023 14:55

Most people prefer to holiday with someone.

In this case, it's no so much your mate getting a free holiday as it is your holiday not being spoilt. Unless DP is happy for you to have a miserable time on your own?

raincamepouringdown · 14/04/2023 15:19

Your DH is being unreasonable.

Tell him, don't ask him, that you're taking your friend so as not to waste the holiday/money and it will mean the absolute world to your friend.

MagiMagic · 14/04/2023 15:30

I'd invite a friend and I wouldn't charge. Also if I was expecting her to 'treat' me for meals I would say so upfront. You should be crystal clear what you would like her to contribute - don't be vague and then get annoys if you end up paying for taxis or whatever.

AskMeMore · 14/04/2023 15:32

Does your DP understand friendship?

Qilin · 14/04/2023 15:42

I am suprised you don't have travel insurance to cover a refund / reschedule. Who books luxury expensive holidays without insurance?

Travel insurance doesn't mean you can cancel for any reason. There are only specific reasons that mean you can recover costs - mainly serious illness, death of close relative, etc.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/04/2023 15:48

Stingy of your dh as it's paid for and he can't claim money back anyway

Plus. As a high earning couple you can afford the loss

What is the cost out of curiosity

If she has been such a lovely friend then a lovely thing to do as sounds like she will never get a holiday like this

Wishawisha · 14/04/2023 15:54

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 14/04/2023 11:29

“But what about insuuuuuuuurance tho?!” is in danger of becoming the new “Cancel the cheque!!” The OP has said they can’t get the money back. Several others have correctly pointed out that most travel insurance will only pay out under specific circumstances.

I also think those saying “But can the friend even get childcare, can she get the time off work, will she even want to go, can the name on the ticket even be changed?!” are missing the point. Of course all those things could be issues, but that doesn’t stop the OP from asking, for heaven’s sake.

I don’t think it’s irrelevant because it shows how this generous offer maybe isn’t quite as generous as it would first appear and the friend would also be doing the OP a favour, as much as the OP is doing her one (something the husband should note). The OP isn’t offering to pay for a luxury holiday of the friend’s choice at a time convenient to the friend, she’s offering a very specific holiday, quite soon and whilst the friend may jump at the chance it’s hardly like she really “owes” half the value of the holiday.

The OP def needs to check she can change the names on the holiday (flights?) before she makes the offer though.