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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my friend on holiday for free?

185 replies

Trul · 13/04/2023 11:26

DP and I booked a luxury all-inclusive holiday abroad a few months ago. Due to unforeseen circumstances, and despite our best efforts, it's now unlikely that DP will be able to come. We cannot get a refund or reschedule as the holiday is now only a few weeks away. Between DP and I, we earn well into six figures and the holiday is already paid for upfront.

I have said to DP that I will take my friend, which he is happy with, but he wants my friend to pay for 'his' share. My friend is a single parent to an autistic DC, there is no way she could ever afford to pay for his share. I've suggested that as it's already paid for, and is no financial loss to us, I take my friend for free. She can pay for a few meals / drinks out there, if she wishes. I'm sure my friend will offer to pay a token amount, but as it's already paid for, and the other option is me going alone or us both losing out completely, I'd rather she didn't. It would also make a much bigger impact to her (if she offered £500 for example), then if we lost out on that amount. She has been a very good friend to me over the years.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Qilin · 14/04/2023 08:23

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:33

Did you not have travel insurance?

I see this comment often on Mn threads.
Travel insurance won't pay out simply because someone chooses not to go.
It only usually pays out if there is an emergency preventing travel such as death of a close family member, illness or injury, etc.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 14/04/2023 08:24

Surely you took out travel insurance?

But travel insurance doesn't cover disinclination to travel. Op hasn't said he can't travel which is what would be needed for insurance.

Axahooxa · 14/04/2023 08:31

As a previously single parent (also to an autistic child)- childcare may well be problematic, unless respite care/residential school is already in place.

will you and your friend enjoy the holiday together?

YANBU with your intentions. Your DP is being mean and tight.

Instructionmanual · 14/04/2023 08:32

The money's already gone and you can't get it back. So would he prefer that nobody gets joy from it? He's being an arse.
I think it would be reasonable to invite your friend and say that all they need is to pay the traveller transfer fee and take some spending money. Be clear about your expectations. Don't have vague hopes that she might offer to pay more, and definitely don't put her under pressure by suggesting that she can contribute more if she wants to.

You'll benefit by going on holiday and having a friend with you and of course your friend will go on a holiday that might be a once in a lifetime experience for her.

billy1966 · 14/04/2023 08:32

So he can't go and there isn't the possibility of a refund?

The alternative to bringing your friend is you go alone?

Your twat partner thinks your friend should pay for the privilege of going on a holiday he can't get a refund on?

Does he expect you to share with a stranger?🙄
Well you have some twat living with you.

I'd be mortified that I was sharing my life with someone so unreasonable and mean.

Take your friend for sure.
Have a think about the character you are living with.

He sounds miserable.

Lets you down and then wants his replacement, who will share a room with you to pay🙄.

Mirabai · 14/04/2023 08:36

Qilin · 14/04/2023 08:23

I see this comment often on Mn threads.
Travel insurance won't pay out simply because someone chooses not to go.
It only usually pays out if there is an emergency preventing travel such as death of a close family member, illness or injury, etc.

Show quote history

He’s not “choosing” not to go! Unforeseen circumstances mean he can’t.

Flavabobble · 14/04/2023 08:36

Singapore4 · 13/04/2023 16:17

Ask your DH to sell his own ticket. Unless you can sell both tickets it will surely well 1 of the tickets go to waste.

Even AL people usually take spending money. How many people can just go on holiday last minute? People have jobs.

Ask your DH this OP.

Yes he could eBay it!
What could possibly go wrong?

MissLucyLiu · 14/04/2023 08:37

Your husband is a stingy a hole.

He cannot go and would have forfeited his share and now he wants to be reimbursed?!

DO NOT PAY FOR IT! He's paying for your friend. If your friend is conscious enough she will buy you dinner / drinks to make up for some of the cost to say thanks but that's only on her terms!

Mirabai · 14/04/2023 08:38

Axahooxa · 14/04/2023 08:31

As a previously single parent (also to an autistic child)- childcare may well be problematic, unless respite care/residential school is already in place.

will you and your friend enjoy the holiday together?

YANBU with your intentions. Your DP is being mean and tight.

Yes, that was my point. Does OP realise how difficult that might be?

Ap42 · 14/04/2023 08:39

As a single parent to an autistic child this is such a beautiful gesture. Take your friend, she will deserve that break.

As for you hubby, I think he's mean but for people to question your relationship I think is a step too far.

Enjoy your holiday.

TheChoiceIsYours · 14/04/2023 08:39

Presumably charging her isn’t really an option if she’s hard up - if she’s offered the chance to buy his place presumably she will say no as she can’t afford it. So it’s kind of a moot point? He has the options of losing the money and no one getting anything from it, or losing the money and she gets an amazing treat. But mean to choose the former over the latter!! Unless he wants to find someone else who will pay him full price for a holiday that they go on with you and have had no say in booking, and who you’re also keen to go with - is that likely…?!

If you take her just be careful he isn’t the type to make digs at her or make her feel horrifically awkward for taking up the offer. If you offer her this you need to make sure it is a genuine nice thing for her that comes with no weirdness that leaves her feeling like she needs to find some money to pay for a holiday she didn’t choose or ask to go on.

SparklyBlackKitten · 14/04/2023 08:41

He sounds lovely...

Qilin · 14/04/2023 08:43

He’s not “choosing” not to go! Unforeseen circumstances mean he can’t.

But unless that 'unforeseen' reason meets one of the pretty strict criteria allowed with travel insurance it simply isn't covered.
The comment is suggested on MN all the time and for most of the reasons suggested it simply wouldn't be covered.

HarrietStyles · 14/04/2023 08:43

”Ok husband, I chatted to my friend and she can’t afford to take your place. But since recouping the money is so important to you, I asked around and great news ………. My hot male PT is able to pay for the place and is even happy to share the room with me. You ok with that?”

Tracker1234 · 14/04/2023 08:48

I would definitely make some investigations regarding how to change the names on the current booking before you make this a big thing. Flights depending on what airline you are going with might be tricky. It might well not be a matter of changing the name for a few quid.

KettrickenSmiled · 14/04/2023 08:51

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:45

We don’t know enough to say that

perhaps he doesn’t like this woman at all. A bad history

perhaps he wants to claim on insurance

perhaps the op and DP have very separate finances and she’s offered something that really was only his to offer

Show quote history

We do know enough.

Maybe he doesn't like OP's friend. So he's trying to punish OP by making her go solo, or not at all. Disproportionate & controlling.

Of course he wants to claim on the insurance. But Op has already said there is no way of clawing back the money, so this is irrelevant.

Maybe they have separate finances, but as he's not getting the money back either way, what's the point of being dog in the manger about it? It makes no odds to him whether the friend takes his place, & will obviously suit OP better - but he seems to care more about being mean & controlling than OP's comfort.

Qilin · 14/04/2023 08:54

Unless they have an extra add on for being called into work, or similar, it's unlikely travel insurance will cover this.

To take my friend on holiday for free?
Schnooze · 14/04/2023 08:58

Say that you won’t ask her to contribute as she can’t afford it, so is he happy that you don’t go at all or go on your own. Is that fair considering it’s him that’s messed your holiday up.

Id love a free holiday not of my choosing. If I was paying for it, I’d be much more particular about where, how much it cost etc.

Schnooze · 14/04/2023 09:02

Is he worried she is single so you’ll go out pulling men?

Nosleepforthismum · 14/04/2023 09:03

Aww OP you sound lovely. Of course take your friend and just laugh off your DH’s suggestions that she pays. He’s being a knob but I’d let it slide on the basis of him feeling like he’s missing out.

Cinnamon23 · 14/04/2023 09:04

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:33

She can pay for a few meals / drinks out there, if she wishes.

but it’s AI?

People do venture out of their complex on AI… eg. they go sightseeing and try a local place for a bite to eat? Spend an afternoon in the nearest town and stop for a drink or two?

Pretty standard.

crispsnutsandcake · 14/04/2023 09:08

It's a nice gesture and means you can still go but as PP said it raises several questions. Can your friend get childcare? Is the holiday transferrable anyway? If it is perhaps there's a charge to change the name on the booking or the room from a double to a twin, for example.

If I was your friend I wouldn't feel right about accepting such generosity unless I could pay something towards it, a token gesture or an arrangement to pay for some trips maybe. Give her small contribution to charity if you like. Would your DP accept that?

Doesitreallymatteranyway · 14/04/2023 09:09

What a lovely and kind thing to do! Being able to go with a dear friend saves the day .YANBU

rookiemere · 14/04/2023 09:15

I don't understand your DHs logic.
Unless you're happy going on your own, then if you don't go twice as much money would be wasted, than if you go with your friend.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/04/2023 09:16

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:33

She can pay for a few meals / drinks out there, if she wishes.

but it’s AI?

Lots of people actually leave their hotel even when it's ai