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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my friend on holiday for free?

185 replies

Trul · 13/04/2023 11:26

DP and I booked a luxury all-inclusive holiday abroad a few months ago. Due to unforeseen circumstances, and despite our best efforts, it's now unlikely that DP will be able to come. We cannot get a refund or reschedule as the holiday is now only a few weeks away. Between DP and I, we earn well into six figures and the holiday is already paid for upfront.

I have said to DP that I will take my friend, which he is happy with, but he wants my friend to pay for 'his' share. My friend is a single parent to an autistic DC, there is no way she could ever afford to pay for his share. I've suggested that as it's already paid for, and is no financial loss to us, I take my friend for free. She can pay for a few meals / drinks out there, if she wishes. I'm sure my friend will offer to pay a token amount, but as it's already paid for, and the other option is me going alone or us both losing out completely, I'd rather she didn't. It would also make a much bigger impact to her (if she offered £500 for example), then if we lost out on that amount. She has been a very good friend to me over the years.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BCBird · 13/04/2023 18:40

If she can go then she is doing you a favour as you are for her. I would not expect payment.

Cathyattie · 13/04/2023 18:49

For me, the most valuable thing about a holiday is spending quality time with one another. How does your DP feel about not being able to go and is he going to have another holiday later on instead? And would you be able to join him then? If it was me having to stay behind (eg because of work demands) I would be devasted at losing quality time together and would hope to do something together at a later date. If you are absolutely fixed on going, I think it's a great idea to offer the friend to join for no cost. Even if she can't accept, the thought will never be forgotten.

CurlewKate · 13/04/2023 19:00

I can't believe anyone is on the husband's side. I was particularly gobsmacked by the suggestion that he would be being reasonable if he didn't like the woman concerned. Why would that matter? He's not going to be there!

Favouritefruits · 13/04/2023 19:09

What a lovely, kind thing to do, I’m sure you will be repaid in other ways over the years. People always remember people who went that extra mile for them i agree with you, take your friend and don’t ask for a penny.

RoxyRoo2011 · 14/04/2023 07:33

I just want to say what a wonderful friend you are. Your friend is lucky to have you and I’m sure you’ll have a fantastic holiday together.

Muminthebluecoat · 14/04/2023 07:33

That's doesn't mean you can't eat out. We always have some lunches / dinners out of the hotel when we're AI.

Muminthebluecoat · 14/04/2023 07:34

If there is no way of you getting the money back for the holiday then your friend going for free is the best option surely? Otherwise your just paying for nothing. Better for someone to enjoy it rather than paying for no-one to enjoy it.

Muminthebluecoat · 14/04/2023 07:37

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:34

You and your dp

how long together and do you live together?

How does this make a difference to the fact its a non-refundable holiday that he can't go on?

MeridaBrave · 14/04/2023 07:40

Is there another friend who you’d be happy to share with who can go instead? Could you go alone? Can he claim on travel insurance?

The point is that this friend can’t pay so if there anyone else who can?

SoShallINever · 14/04/2023 07:46

Is he a jealous type that thinks you'll have a fling if he's not there.

Wishawisha · 14/04/2023 07:46

MeridaBrave · 14/04/2023 07:40

Is there another friend who you’d be happy to share with who can go instead? Could you go alone? Can he claim on travel insurance?

The point is that this friend can’t pay so if there anyone else who can?

But then, what is the value of the holiday now? to someone else?

Let’s say this holiday costs 4k per person. That was worth it to the OP when she booked it, thinking she would go with her DH, to a place they wanted to go at a time convenient to them both (now not).

She could invite a friend - this friend, or a different one. But is one half of the holiday worth 4k to anyone now? It involves sharing a room with the OP (who I am sure is lovely!), a resort and country that other people have chosen and faffing around last minute trying to arrange annual leave, looking after of children or elderly parents, rearranging responsibilities etc.

I’m not saying it’s worth nothing but I don’t think someone else should have to pay the full face value of half the holiday. If the DH wants the money back, insurance is the only way to go. If there is no travel insurance then offer to a friend but you can’t ask anyone to pay the actual face value.

BellaJuno · 14/04/2023 07:52

So your partner would rather you holiday alone or miss out altogether than let your friend benefit from a situation that he can’t participate in? What an unattractive quality, I’d invite your friend for sure.

Remaker · 14/04/2023 07:55

In my experience there are two types of people in the world. Those like the OP who see the money as already being spent and want to make the best of the situation by taking someone she’d like to spend time with, who also happens to deserve a holiday.

Then there are the DP types who can never look past the almighty £. Nothing should ever be given up for free if there is money to be made or recouped. They’d rather have a holiday with someone they didn’t like who ‘paid their way’.

The second group of people are generally not self aware enough to realise that they’re selfish, petty and miserable.

Codlingmoths · 14/04/2023 08:00

Well he’s a stingy bugger isn’t he? Forget how nice it would be for the friend, he’d rather you holiday alone than with company, because even though it wouldn’t cost him anything he hates the idea of giving someone something for free. Add in the context of how nice it would be for friend…. Does he ever do anything nice for anyone or is he the type who’s only generous wiht things he’s throwing out anyway?

DurdleLau · 14/04/2023 08:00

Can I be your friend please?! 😁 what a lovely idea and I’m sure your friend would be so thankful. Your DP is being a bit mean, if you can’t get the money back anyway then why wouldn’t you open your heart and allow another human being to experience a lovely holiday.

Pinkgrass · 14/04/2023 08:01

I'd take her for free if I was in a position to do so! It's already paid and unrefundable like you say! Go for it 🥳

Pebstk · 14/04/2023 08:03

He sounds horribly mean tbh

Bunce1 · 14/04/2023 08:08

I’d tell my DH that I was taking HIS place and giving my spot for friend for free. And tell him to stick it.

Hongkongsuey · 14/04/2023 08:11

Go for it-you’ll have good company on your holiday and you’ve given your friend a much needed break. Win win.Tell your miserable dh that’s what you’re doing otherwise you won’t go alone and the whole lot will be lost. It sounds as if he’s losing sight of the value while focussing on the cost. Is he normally like this or is it just an aberration? If it’s just an aberration, maybe he’s not thinking straight.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 14/04/2023 08:11

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:33

She can pay for a few meals / drinks out there, if she wishes.

but it’s AI?

Surely even on an AI holiday you sometimes go to other places for visits, meals etc?

Mirabai · 14/04/2023 08:15

Surely you took out travel insurance?

If not and it’s genuinely non-refundable then it’s really bad taste to try to profit from friends.

Can the SP of an autistic child take a holiday without them though? Will the child be ok staying with relatives?

luckystarg · 14/04/2023 08:17

Facem81 · 13/04/2023 11:33

She can pay for a few meals / drinks out there, if she wishes.

but it’s AI?

We always still go out for drinks and food when AI to experience the local area and give to the local economy. Perhaps that’s what OP means. Or the airport meal ha!

NalafromtheLionKing · 14/04/2023 08:20

I just had to change ‘non-changeable’ flights and was allowed to do so for a fee. Are you sure you don’t have that option?

Qilin · 14/04/2023 08:22

How much will it cost to change his name on the booking to your friend's name? That's the most I'd ask for tbh.

His share of the cost is already spent. He will lose it regardless if he stays home.

Can you simply 'overrule' him and just ask her to go with you anyway?

EmmaGrundyForPM · 14/04/2023 08:23

Many years ago I was in this position, albeit it was a few days city break not s luxury holiday. Dh had muddled up the dates and had a work commitment he had to honour, so couldn't go. Insurance didn't cover it, the money was non refundable, so I took a friend instead.

I didn't ask her for any contribution as she was quite broke, and also was doing me a favour. It meant I got to go as I wouldn't have wanted to go alone. It was pre 09/11 so changing the name on the flights was very straightforward.

We had a great time.

OP, your DH is being mean. Take your friend and have a lovely holiday