To be jealous that H took step kids abroad a lot but not mine

[superchargerheaven]

Before we were together H had loads of foreign holidays with his first family. They went most years. My Step dc are all adults now well into their 20s and 30s. H is older than me by 10 years and we've been together 14 years and have 2dc of our own 13 and 9. I have a 17 year old as well.

We have only taken them abroad once and it was only France, and was awful as was years ago when they were really tiny.
We go away most years but only UK

I feel like he's been there done that with the family holidays. and so doesn't feel the need to take ours abroad. it's not a money thing as he has a much better job nowadays and I earn well too so we're probably better off than he was when he was with exw

But I'm really poorly travelled due to (regrettably) not travelling enough in my youth pre dc mostly due to lack of money. And my parents did not have the money to take us abroad when we were kids. and I don't want my dc to be. If I pushed him I think he'd agree to it reluctantly but I want him to want to though .

Tbh I think some of it is jealousy he's had his first family before me. H and our dc are my first family as I was a lone parent with my eldest and so all my experiences are new 😔 . But holidays are a particular bugbear

How do you know it wasn't his first wife arranging all these holidays?

What's stopping you going abroad if that's what you want to do? Why wait for him to organise it?

You seem very passive.

I agree with pp, you go ahead and organise it.

Book a holiday then?

Well either explain to him that this is really important to you, or take them on your own. They are not babies/toddlers anymore so it will be fun going with them.

Ive taken my DC’s to lots of places without DH, either because he couldn’t get time off work or didn’t want to go. We have always had a lovely time.

So book am abroad holiday, it might have been the first wife booking it all. Why waste years and years of not doing what you want for no apparent reason at all.

Well one of you is reluctant about your holiday destinations soaked what don't you take the initiative?

Book a holiday. There's no point waiting around hoping he'll think of it himself.

I cant just book it as He has got to agree to it ie book time off work and agree to where we go and to me using family finances etc as it won't be cheap for 5 of us!

I want him to want to as much as I do

Maybe I should just tell him what I've said on my Op but tbh I feel embarrassed to even feel like this he will think I'm mad 😞

I want him to want to as much as I do

This is a bit silly really.

Just talk to him!

”I want him to want to though”

You’re being ridiculously passive and that’s just playing games.

You’re embarrassing yourself saying that France is “only France” - what, it doesn’t count? 🤨

With a 13 and 9 year old, this has been going on for years!

Just book a bloody holiday - even if it’s “only” France 🙄 and go.

Is he the only one with any say in the relationship? Have you no discussion about holidays or expenditure?

What does he say when you say you want to go abroad when you start planning the family holiday?

He’ll think you’re mad if you start blathering on about “first” families.

All you do is say, “hey, I’d love to go to France this summer - what do you about Eurocamp followed by a couple of days in Paris?”

If he’s not keen, you can then tell him - I’d love to go, I’d like the kids to experience “abroad” (even if it’s only France! 🤣) and I feel I missed out myself.

If he still doesn’t want to go, tell him that’s fine you will - in a non hissy fit way - go without him.

Why is it your husbands decision on where you holiday ?

Op I pretty much organise all our holidays abroad. I start researching on the internet and then say to DH 'why don't we go here next year, I've found accommodation for ££'. What's stopping you from doing that? You must have a conversation about where to holiday in England, so why not say you'd rather start going abroad.

It's not his decision its both of yours, but yet for years you've let him decide....

Stop waiting for him and book a nice holiday for you and the children, you said you can afford it so go. There’s nobody stopping you but you!

He always makes lame excuses 🤦‍♀️

You don't want much eh? To want him to want it.

Holidays for us - all talk round the dinner table for weeks on end, agree somewhere, one of us books it.

You can't dictate how someone else feels about it.

Such as?

My DH travelled a lot for work and wasn’t keen on going on city break type visits abroad in his free time, so I took our DDs by myself - lots of fun, cheap because we could usually manage it in one room.

It's not it's both of ours but he always has excuses why we can't go abroad 😞

I would say in the majority of families holiday planning is instigated by the mother.

So when you start planning the holiday, suggest a foreign location, what does he do?
Say no, let's stay in UK?

Or because you've always been in the UK does he think that is what want?

I wouldn’t go in with staring what you’ve said here. I’d say you’d really like to go abroad for a family holiday. Suggest some ideas. Offer to plan it, if that’s something you’d like to do.

I did things with my older kids (with previous partner; 10 year gap) that I realize were overrated, or exhausting, so I don’t bother so much with them with my younger ones.

Just say, ‘I’d love to go to Italy/Spain/wherever this summer. Let’s book it! What dates can you get off work? Let’s sort it out this weekend.’