To be jealous that H took step kids abroad a lot but not mine

[superchargerheaven]

Before we were together H had loads of foreign holidays with his first family. They went most years. My Step dc are all adults now well into their 20s and 30s. H is older than me by 10 years and we've been together 14 years and have 2dc of our own 13 and 9. I have a 17 year old as well.

We have only taken them abroad once and it was only France, and was awful as was years ago when they were really tiny.
We go away most years but only UK

I feel like he's been there done that with the family holidays. and so doesn't feel the need to take ours abroad. it's not a money thing as he has a much better job nowadays and I earn well too so we're probably better off than he was when he was with exw

But I'm really poorly travelled due to (regrettably) not travelling enough in my youth pre dc mostly due to lack of money. And my parents did not have the money to take us abroad when we were kids. and I don't want my dc to be. If I pushed him I think he'd agree to it reluctantly but I want him to want to though .

Tbh I think some of it is jealousy he's had his first family before me. H and our dc are my first family as I was a lone parent with my eldest and so all my experiences are new 😔 . But holidays are a particular bugbear

Sure, but that’s a search that literally took 2 minutes, without knowing OPs location etc. Obviously OP can adjust as needed and use whatever site she prefers.

Even searching for 7 nights from 25th July is yielding a ton of nice options coming in way below the £3k mark.

Prices for UK getaways arent at all competitive anymore, and the cost of going overseas, flights included is very comparable.

Family holidays is not something like been there and done that like seeing a sight is. Unless you are talking more than going on a beach holiday and you are saying you want to go to see sights he has already seen and he is not keen? I must admit I find all this bizarre - people who like travelling abroad…like travelling abroad and it’s not to do with having travelled before as they would just find new places. I suspect as others have said his first wife organised things and he tagged along. He might not like travelling abroad. You I also think have such high levels of jealously.

Jealousy of his past isn’t a good look and comparison is the thief of joy so when you speak to him steer away from those parts 😊

However to experience a bit of the world for yourself and children would be a great adventure, a learning experience and gift to give them.

Why not just suggest you take a mind broadening family trip?

As a parent I do feel though not essential this is part of raising children where finances allow. Ours haven’t until now so we are planning a trip next year.

“He's been to that Portugal water park place 😠”

So what?
What is your 😠 leaving?
That you’re cross because he is actively refusing to go back there specifically?
Or cross because you’re jealous he went with “first family”?

There’s a water park in Tenerife called Siam Park - my sister has taken her kids there on 6 holidays! They love it.
What they want from a holiday is a good chance of great weather, a break from the norm, beaches and water park. So it suits them to go back.
Personally I like exploring new places and visiting sites like castles and museums - so tend to go to new locations.

So I would tend to say, “how about a different water park?” and she’d say, “I want to ease of knowing this one is good and works for us - plus my kids really like that they know it.”

9 and 13 is a great age range for a water park. 17 is too, although more for the activity - doing it with friends probably more fun than family! But they’re all different so who knows.

Do you want to go to a water park in Portugal?

Salou is a brilliant spot. 2 convenient airports within an hour/half hour transfer. It's got a great beach, safe with currents and waves. The water park is a short bus drive away and you can find a holiday for any budget. It's where we went when we could barely afford a holiday. We did self catering so we did our own breakfast in the morning, lunch was bakery rolls with ham or chicken and then out to dinner and it was affordable!

By the way, DH would also be one who just wouldn't get around to booking a holiday, so I find a few places I like, and show him and say "pick one and I'll book it" there and then. It's family money I use -but it's a family holiday!

The other alternative is to just tell him if he doesn't want to come he can stay home, book it for you and the kids and just go. DM did this one time when DD was dragging his feet deciding. He never fucking did that again

Just argue your case back a bit. Why does he get the final say?

Men love to have their ego boosted . Why not twist it . Sit down and say . I would really like us all to go abroad this year and I know you are more well travelled than me so can we sit down together and you help me organise something ? And then next time we go I should be able to do it myself , just need a bit of guidance of where might be best for all of us .

don’t mention his previous family !

I don't understand why if you can afford it you can't just organise a holiday? You've been abroad before and you managed to organise that, what's stopping you now? I assume you've ordered your passports already? If you've not I wouldn't be risking booking and them not coming in time for summer hols. If your husband won't go just take the kids on your own, they aren't babies, it's not like taking 2 toddlers on your own (im assuming the older one won't be going).

As he is younger than you with kids in 30's, 20s, I imagine he may feel more tired travelling now than then? Have a few holidays just you and the kids. Not ideal but you and the kids get to see the world. A compromise

Christ alive!

How about she doesn’t act like a simpering twat and simply expects her voice to be heard without the ego pandering nonsense?

I’d divorce someone I had to act like that with.

Awful advice.

I know what you mean OP, I was single with my two and while we were a family, we were a different sort of family (one where I made all the decisions and did what I liked - a couple is a very different dynamic)

if you go somewhere all inclusive, you will spend very little extra - I took my two teens to Majorca last year, they had spending money in cash from relatives and struggled to spend it! We went to a hotel that had an offer for the next door water park.

if you go for an odd number of nights - ie not a standard holiday week - you can save £££ I’ve found.

I cant just book it as He has got to agree to it ie book time off work and agree to where we go and to me using family finances etc as it won't be cheap for 5 of us!
So get some dates from him, & book it.

I want him to want to as much as I do
But he doesn't.
And it's a bit daft of you to expect it. You may as well want him to like scrambled eggs just because you do, when you know full well he isn't bothered.
You can't make other people think like you or want what you want.
All that happens is that you get frustrated & resentful, while you passive-aggressively wish for somebody to read your mind.

Maybe I should just tell him what I've said on my Op but tbh I feel embarrassed to even feel like this he will think I'm mad 😞
Then you have bigger problems than family holidays.
Why would you be embarrassed to tell him you want a family holiday abroad?
Why will he think you are mad for wanting one?

Your OP created an impression that you see him as the boss of whther you get to go abroad or not. That you need his favour & permission, That you cannot simply & straightforwardly ask for what you want.

Just tell him what you want, ask him for available dates, tell him a few places you'd prefer to go, & discuss which place you BOTH think is going to be best for you.

Fwiw there will be more than one water park in Portugal. You'll find hotels that have their own. Just tell him you're booking it and does he want to come or not. If he does get him to suggest dates then get down the travel agents and they'll do all the hard stuff for you and explain anything you don't understand

You don't sound like a right idiot.

You sound like you have got into the habit of being a doormat who isn't assertive and hasnt said

"I really want to go here, it's really important to me, we can afford this instead of going here so this is what we are going to do this year and if you don't like it me and the kids are going to go anyway and I'd appreciate it if you actually gave a shit about why this is important to me and why I want to share this experience with you"

Instead you sound like youve rolled over and died inside from being passive and just accepting things rather than driving them, being passionate about it and inspiring him to want to do it with you.

If he's effectively holding you back or is just a comfortable pair of slippers that makes you feel like life is passing you by, you need to shout at him about it and make him aware.

And if he still can't be arsed, either do it yourself anyway or leave him. But don't use him as the excuse as to why you can't do it.

So what? You tell him he may have gone but you and the kids haven't and it is not fair on any of you to deprive you of travel abroad just because he's 'done it before'.

Is that per person ? Or for the whole trip??

That’s the price for 5 people (2 adults, 3 under 18s), flights included 🏝️

I think if you don't want to get into 1st family v 2nd family (and risk opening a can of worms) you can just say what you've said here about yourself. YOU haven't had the chance to travel much, YOU want to go abroad, YOU want the experience of a family holiday somewhere hot (i.e. not Devon except about 3 days a year) etc.

You wanting to go is a good enough reason, believe me! don't let him get away with fobbing you off. Possibly the family holidays with his ex weren't actually that much fun (they did break up after all) and he's got bad memories - whatever. You and the younger kids deserve to try it out. And yes just brush him off saying yes the kids want to go and you can afford it so you're off to the travel agents on Saturday. Does he want to come?

This is silly, 100% his ex wife would have been organising these trips. Make a list of what you want to see, budget where you will stay and suggest this for next holiday. You can start with this year’s holiday!

OP, go on the TUI website, put in dates and look through the destinations. Personally, I love all inclusive. You can get hotels with water slides etc. We did Morocco/Egypt in the October school holidays, it is cheaper than Spain and the souls are a real experience for the kids. When you've got an idea of prices, tell him that the kids deserve the experience of travel and to pick something with you. Jet2 can be a bit cheaper. Both will give you ideas. I can't see the 17 year old turning down Tenerife etc It's really selfish to get with a younger partner, have more children and take his attitude.

@Cherry8809 bloody hell that's insane !! Had no idea you could go that cheap

Just to add, next year holidays have 0% deposit and good payment plan offers.

OP just get it booked yourself! Just tell him that you want to organise the trip as a surprise, agree dates with him so he can book it off work and and agree a budget, and then you plan it. As a PP said yhere are loads of websites that will basically do all the work for you now and lots of places you could go for £3k. Also maybe you should tell him that the cost of living in the UK is far higher than most places in the world so it's nonsense that you'd need more spending money. Just tell him that you really, really want to go abroad and you aren't taking no for an answer!

Are you too scared to talk to him about other aspects of your life??

Have you even looked?