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Original poster

To think this is just rude?

213 replies

premiumskint · 11/04/2023 21:25

Been dating a guy for past 4 weeks, we've been on 6 dates so really early days. I'm pretty laid back, as is he, so I've just been going with his texting communication - which has became more and more sporadic. But tried not to dwell on it as I have done in the past with others and just kind of matched his messages. Kept it light and breezy.

Last message was sent by me on Friday evening after a day of back and forth voice notes. Then I didn't hear a peep all weekend. That's fine just assumed busy with Easter etc.

Nothing yesterday then a text today just asking how I was. I replied, he replied, I replied and this was 6 hours ago and there's been nothing since. In this time he has posted on instagram, liked my story and sent a 😍 to my story.

I find it rather rude. My last message was definitely one he could of replied to where I asked him two questions.

I can just feel the change in communication and honestly if it weren't for him viewing my story and posting one himself, I could have pretended in my head that he'd been busy with work and then fell asleep.

If someone's lost interest then that's fair enough but why even start a conversation to then just ignore me AGAIN.

I was actually assuming today that I probably wouldn't hear from him and was feeling okay and then he text me and is now not responding and I'm back to feeling shit.

Should I block his number? I almost want to as sick of sitting waiting for a text. Or is that petty?

OP posts:
Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 12/04/2023 09:01

premiumskint · 12/04/2023 08:47

Okay I don't track his every move on social media. He posted a picture and it came up on my instagram feed, I looked at the picture and noticed he'd been commenting on it.

I had also put a pic on my story and he liked the pic, pretty hard to miss.

I have my read receipts off on WhatsApp so no one can see when I'm last active and vice Versa. I don't care about all that.

I literally noticed and thought, hmm that's strange. He's trying to do the slow fade, it's fairly obvious and I feel relieved this morning so know I made the right decision.

Well with a friend like you...who needs enemies. Also there's worse things than being single.

Show quote history

You say this happens again and again with men…. When you have the same problem over and over with multiple people, it is unlikely that the problem is with them. The problem is likely with you.

He didn’t do anything wrong. He got on with his day; had a nap, did other things. He would reply to your message when he settled down that night or the next day when he was up for a chat. The constant messaging back and forth is too much for a lot of people. It is an unreasonable demand in people’s personal time. If it isn’t an urgent question then lots and lots of normal people won’t reply until they actually want to message or have something to actually say, otherwise these back and forth chats just never end and there is always a feeling of pressure to reply and be available. It is too much for a lot of people’s mental health.

He spent some time of social media and even interacted with your page. That is not disinterest.

What he did was completely normal.

You’ve been really rude to a lot of people on here. Really insulting. You blocked this guy because he wants a break from texting and didn’t do anything wrong without even speaking to him.

You don’t come across as a great person right now and probably need to work on yourself a bit before you’re ready to date and be a great person again.

Nooyoiknooyoik · 12/04/2023 09:06

I probably would have talked to him before blocking him but YANBU for thinking that the relationship is not progressing.

Number0ne · 12/04/2023 09:06

Well with a friend like you...who needs enemies

Yeah we can see the type of person you are now. The only reason I'm no longer her friend is that we worked together a good few years ago and now we don't and lost touch. I was a brilliant friend to her, always there when she was upset over man after man it was me that she would come straight to for comfort. It was never me telling her she was too intense, it wasn't my place to say anything unless she asked my opinion and I was very kind to her I could see how broken she was. I was also there at 2am when I received a random message from her that she wanted to end her life. So you know where can shove your lovely childish opinion!

Original poster
premiumskint · 12/04/2023 09:09

Number0ne · 12/04/2023 09:06

Well with a friend like you...who needs enemies

Yeah we can see the type of person you are now. The only reason I'm no longer her friend is that we worked together a good few years ago and now we don't and lost touch. I was a brilliant friend to her, always there when she was upset over man after man it was me that she would come straight to for comfort. It was never me telling her she was too intense, it wasn't my place to say anything unless she asked my opinion and I was very kind to her I could see how broken she was. I was also there at 2am when I received a random message from her that she wanted to end her life. So you know where can shove your lovely childish opinion!

Ahh so you lie to her face, never giving her any real advice as it wasn't your place, but quite happily write about how intense she was on the internet and how she is still single today as if that's some sort of failure on her part? Makes sense.

OP posts:
Mangogirl12 · 12/04/2023 09:09

OP I think your real true colours have shown now and I'm clearly not the only poster to call you out on it. The poor guy dodged a nasty psycho, that's pretty clear now thanks to your subsequent posts.

Number0ne · 12/04/2023 09:11

premiumskint · 12/04/2023 09:09

Ahh so you lie to her face, never giving her any real advice as it wasn't your place, but quite happily write about how intense she was on the internet and how she is still single today as if that's some sort of failure on her part? Makes sense.

Show quote history

Sorry I've got some grown up business to be attending to, not some 5 year old playground shit 💤

Number0ne · 12/04/2023 09:12

Mangogirl12 · 12/04/2023 09:09

OP I think your real true colours have shown now and I'm clearly not the only poster to call you out on it. The poor guy dodged a nasty psycho, that's pretty clear now thanks to your subsequent posts.

Yeah she's just showing us more and more with every post now. At the start I thought people were unfair saying he's dodged a bullet......

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 12/04/2023 09:13

@premiumskint
You have come online and asked if you are being unreasonable and for honest opinions about this. That is what you’re getting, because you asked.

There are a lot of times when it is appropriate to tell people an honest opinion, one of those times being when an upset friend needs support and not advice. But you’re not an upset friend who needs support. You’re a person actively asking for opinions. You’ve been given those and your response has been to be really nasty to people.

You’re showing yourself up even more. Take a step back and consider your behaviour towards this man, to other men and to people giving you real opinions.

BCBird · 12/04/2023 09:19

I would have had a face to face conversation b4 blocking. Saying something re what's he like in a relationship re contact and what you are like. Good luck.

Daisyoo · 12/04/2023 09:25

premiumskint · 12/04/2023 09:09

Ahh so you lie to her face, never giving her any real advice as it wasn't your place, but quite happily write about how intense she was on the internet and how she is still single today as if that's some sort of failure on her part? Makes sense.

Show quote history

I'm pretty laid back

However you come on the Internet and lie to everyone. I very much doubt that you are laid back judging by your posts on here.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 12/04/2023 09:27

Mangogirl12 · 12/04/2023 09:09

OP I think your real true colours have shown now and I'm clearly not the only poster to call you out on it. The poor guy dodged a nasty psycho, that's pretty clear now thanks to your subsequent posts.

This thread certainly had the OP telling on herself. Good luck to him, he's certainly dodged a bullet.

blahblahblah1654 · 12/04/2023 09:28

I think you handled it quite badly and immaturely. Blocking someone is a bit teenage behaviour. The fact he messaged you on Facebook shows he was a bit surprised. He probably accepted your reply as it seemed a bit too much drama after a few dates.

Original poster
premiumskint · 12/04/2023 09:33

@Daisyoo when did I lie?

OP posts:
DumbPrinceAndHisStupidWife · 12/04/2023 09:35

Blocking was incredibly immature. Even if he was losing interest (which isn't conclusive- he probably just doesn't want to invest too much in something that's been going on all of 4 weeks?!!) why on earth would you want to show him that his disinterest has bothered you? You have given him power by blocking him, IMO, because no one blocks someone who isn't bothering them. Plus he probably (rightly) feels like he's dodged a bullet.

Daisyoo · 12/04/2023 09:39

premiumskint · 12/04/2023 09:33

@Daisyoo when did I lie?

When you started the thread by saying you're pretty laid back.

Original poster
premiumskint · 12/04/2023 09:41

DumbPrinceAndHisStupidWife · 12/04/2023 09:35

Blocking was incredibly immature. Even if he was losing interest (which isn't conclusive- he probably just doesn't want to invest too much in something that's been going on all of 4 weeks?!!) why on earth would you want to show him that his disinterest has bothered you? You have given him power by blocking him, IMO, because no one blocks someone who isn't bothering them. Plus he probably (rightly) feels like he's dodged a bullet.

He was bothering me. Every time my phone went I was hoping it was him, it wasn't healthy. So for my own sake I blocked, who cares what that looks like to him?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 12/04/2023 09:42

I don’t really think some of these comments are fair. I see this all the time on threads - OP posts something, people respond with complete assumptions and label her as something, OP responds and posters get every more offensive themselves about the OP and use their replies of evidence.

calling her a psycho for responding in kind to the comments she’s had is not on

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 12/04/2023 09:44

That’s your problem, not any man’s. And it is going to happen again and again. If you’re getting into those sorts of states after a couple weeks of seeing a guy then you’re not ready for dating because it is making you desperate, clingy, short tempered and you’re treating people badly when they don’t deserve it, including how you have treated this man.

DumbPrinceAndHisStupidWife · 12/04/2023 09:48

He was bothering me. Every time my phone went I was hoping it was him, it wasn't healthy. So for my own sake I blocked, who cares what that looks like to him?

Because it's about having dignity/not looking desperate? Not looking like you have the emotional maturity of a 15 yr old?

Original poster
premiumskint · 12/04/2023 09:52

DumbPrinceAndHisStupidWife · 12/04/2023 09:48

He was bothering me. Every time my phone went I was hoping it was him, it wasn't healthy. So for my own sake I blocked, who cares what that looks like to him?

Because it's about having dignity/not looking desperate? Not looking like you have the emotional maturity of a 15 yr old?

So how I come across to a man is more important than my emotional and mental well being?

OP posts:
DumbPrinceAndHisStupidWife · 12/04/2023 09:56

So how I come across to a man is more important than my emotional and mental well being?

How honestly can your emotional and mental well-being be so affected by someone you have been on 6 dates with?

It's not the behaviour of the men you are dating that is causing issues with your well-being. You are damaging that yourself.

And fwiw, it would absolutely make me feel 100% worse if someone knew I liked them that much but they weren't that bothered about me. Far more dignified not to give them that satisfaction. Blocking doesn't help- looking so ridiculous and childish wouldn't help me in any sense.

Stravaig · 12/04/2023 10:04

Every time my phone went I was hoping it was him, it wasn't healthy.

It's great that you realise this isn't a healthy dynamic for you. Halfway there! However, this response of yours is not his fault. It's your responsibility.

You've noticed this isn't the guy for you, or that you're not ready to be dating at all. So, you message him to say that it's not working for you/you've decided not to date; thanks; goodbye.

That's it. No drama. Just a good decision by you, based on you taking responsibility for your own emotional/psychological wellbeing.

Take some time; work on yourself; enlist the help of friends or a therapist.

Wtfishappeningnow · 12/04/2023 10:21

At the end of the day “blocking” should be reserved for abusers and trolls- not average people that you come across in life. The blocking function is unhealthy and damaging in these situations

Original poster
premiumskint · 12/04/2023 10:25

So should I unblock him then? That'll just make me look more crazy! What's done is done.

OP posts:
mollyoppy · 12/04/2023 10:26

OP, I was you. Honestly, I think you ARE a little intense. But you will meet someone who gives you what you need from them, and it will feel easy. Not like this horrible angst that you're feeling right now.

I know why you want to block him. You want to feel in control of your feelings and it seems like the only way.

Sack this one off, and try to make your own life busier. Get into a sport, a club, a group. Climbing, running, volunteering, whatever. I promise, this is the way forward.