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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is just rude?

213 replies

premiumskint · 11/04/2023 21:25

Been dating a guy for past 4 weeks, we've been on 6 dates so really early days. I'm pretty laid back, as is he, so I've just been going with his texting communication - which has became more and more sporadic. But tried not to dwell on it as I have done in the past with others and just kind of matched his messages. Kept it light and breezy.

Last message was sent by me on Friday evening after a day of back and forth voice notes. Then I didn't hear a peep all weekend. That's fine just assumed busy with Easter etc.

Nothing yesterday then a text today just asking how I was. I replied, he replied, I replied and this was 6 hours ago and there's been nothing since. In this time he has posted on instagram, liked my story and sent a 😍 to my story.

I find it rather rude. My last message was definitely one he could of replied to where I asked him two questions.

I can just feel the change in communication and honestly if it weren't for him viewing my story and posting one himself, I could have pretended in my head that he'd been busy with work and then fell asleep.

If someone's lost interest then that's fair enough but why even start a conversation to then just ignore me AGAIN.

I was actually assuming today that I probably wouldn't hear from him and was feeling okay and then he text me and is now not responding and I'm back to feeling shit.

Should I block his number? I almost want to as sick of sitting waiting for a text. Or is that petty?

OP posts:
Stravaig · 11/04/2023 22:47

You've not really been messaging to get to know him, or to offer him something of yourself and see if he likes it. If you were, you'd be fine that he replies if/when he's ready to, and that a connection develops in its own time (or not).

You've been messaging to GET something from him: attention, a wee high, a feeling of being wanted, a momentary respite from aloneness. Think baby bird, beak open, demanding a complete stranger feed you. Deprived of that, you feel cheated and angry and bad about yourself and him. Which is very relatable but not at all rational or healthy.

Two strategies. You can either be very honest upront that you want/need immediate and ongoing attention just to feel okay, and see if that appeals to anyone. Or you can work with a therapist on your self-worth, self-sufficiency and boundaries.

PoseyFlump · 11/04/2023 22:47

I have a friend who only ever texts me to brag about her good news then asks 'how are you'. When I reply with my news she ignores that and carries on talking about herself. It's so annoying. Wish I could block her but it's not that simple. Follow your gut.

CombatBarbie · 11/04/2023 22:48

I mean he's gone out of his way to find you on fb and message..... Thats a good thing.

Thepossibility · 11/04/2023 22:48

Then yes if you had asked him questions and he's not bothered answering I would probably consider dropping the relationship.
He's just not that in to you.

IhearyouClemFandango · 11/04/2023 22:48

Depends what the questions were tbh. He sounds like he was still trying the engage with you, jumping straight to blocking seems OTT

BartsLongLostBro · 11/04/2023 22:49

Was he slow fading you? When were you meant to next meet up? Perhapd he was just relaxed about the relationshi.

Needmorelego · 11/04/2023 22:50

Just message him back (on Facebook). saying you didn't feel the relationship was going the way you wanted.
He will either go "ok then" and not contact you again or you could actually talk to each other and find out what you both want from a possible relationship and whether there is a chance for it to continue.
The fact he has contacted you via Facebook he is obviously thinking "what on earth is happening here". Just blocking him and leaving him baffled is a bit mean.
If you really don't want to have a relationship with him it would take one or two sentences to end it - which is far more polite than just blocking.

mrshenny · 11/04/2023 22:51

Rather than block him without a word why don't you just ask him how he is feeling about the two of you as you feel like you're getting mixed signals?

Original poster
premiumskint · 11/04/2023 22:51

BartsLongLostBro · 11/04/2023 22:49

Was he slow fading you? When were you meant to next meet up? Perhapd he was just relaxed about the relationshi.

We didn't have a date to meet up next and yes slow fade is exactly what it feels like. Either that or playing games, he seems to be giving me just enough to keep me interested.

I asked him if he'd done much with his day off and if he was feeling rough yesterday...

OP posts:
JMSA · 11/04/2023 22:52

A change in communication pattern is seldom a good sign. So I don't blame you for not wanting to play along with the whole hot & cold thing.
Why block though? I've dated many guys in my time and ended things plentifully, but I've never felt the need to block. It's always best to have your say, in my opinion. Blocking is childish and unnecessary - unless a creep of course - and nothing is learnt from it.

donutosaurus · 11/04/2023 22:53

premiumskint · 11/04/2023 21:25

Been dating a guy for past 4 weeks, we've been on 6 dates so really early days. I'm pretty laid back, as is he, so I've just been going with his texting communication - which has became more and more sporadic. But tried not to dwell on it as I have done in the past with others and just kind of matched his messages. Kept it light and breezy.

Last message was sent by me on Friday evening after a day of back and forth voice notes. Then I didn't hear a peep all weekend. That's fine just assumed busy with Easter etc.

Nothing yesterday then a text today just asking how I was. I replied, he replied, I replied and this was 6 hours ago and there's been nothing since. In this time he has posted on instagram, liked my story and sent a 😍 to my story.

I find it rather rude. My last message was definitely one he could of replied to where I asked him two questions.

I can just feel the change in communication and honestly if it weren't for him viewing my story and posting one himself, I could have pretended in my head that he'd been busy with work and then fell asleep.

If someone's lost interest then that's fair enough but why even start a conversation to then just ignore me AGAIN.

I was actually assuming today that I probably wouldn't hear from him and was feeling okay and then he text me and is now not responding and I'm back to feeling shit.

Should I block his number? I almost want to as sick of sitting waiting for a text. Or is that petty?

In your op you mention that you have just been going with his communication - does this mean that you haven't ever instigated a communication? As in, you only reply to his messages rather than initiate them?

Original poster
premiumskint · 11/04/2023 22:53

I said that things had seemed a bit off with us this past week and so I assumed he wasn't interested.

He replied and these are exact words 'you can't just block me because of that, I was sleeping when you messaged earlier lol'.

But he wasn't sleeping because he was posting on instagram, so there we go, as I said, this is what happens. It makes me come across as clingy and crazy when I know I'm not.

OP posts:
Original poster
premiumskint · 11/04/2023 22:55

@donutosaurus no, I do initiate but don't text every day.

OP posts:
Emilyjayne9421 · 11/04/2023 22:56

I don’t see no reply in 6 hours as a huge deal. He could have something going on you’re not aware of, not everything is a mind game. The blocking him is immature, and I think the fact he has searched you on Facebook to ask why you blocked him shows that he has some feelings. I’ll often not reply to a friend or hubby for a while but react to their photos. It doesn’t mean anything to a lot of people, he may have just been doing something and wanted to reply later.

FunkyMonks · 11/04/2023 22:57

Leave it he's clearly not that interested in you sounds like he may have a few on the go and is picking and choosing who and when he interacts with them most.

Also could be doing it for an ego boost to make himself feel like he's desired and wanted.

Better to admit your not compatible and leave it there.

To be honest I've deleted numbers in the past only ever really blocked if they've been a creep.

But yea he doesn't sound that great no point having your emotions played with a new relationship shouldn't have you feeling like that you should be feeling excited and wanting to see one another at every opportunity.

Koalasparkles · 11/04/2023 22:58

So this is pretty classic. You're starting to get feelings, you're excited to hear from him and you feel he's "ignoring you". It's just boys playing boy games. My husband (hint - he was definitely into me) did this when we first met and he admitted years later he was trying to play it cool and not reply too quickly. I think boys are just better at not caving and replying straight away. You can handle this however you want to handle it - if you're into him then keep chatting, but if you're not then bin him off. If he's bothered about you he'll come round to you. You just have to try not to lose your head in anticipation in the mean time! Not sure I'd block him if I like the guy though

ShirleyPhallus · 11/04/2023 22:58

Natty13 · 11/04/2023 22:44

Maybe find a more emotionally mature way to deal with these situations then. Grow up. Build some resilience. The right man isn't going to be interested in you if you block him the minute you don't get what you want.

Show quote history

Absolutely nothing about this post makes sense 🤣

Deathbyfluffy · 11/04/2023 22:59

I don’t think you’re too intense - some people like constant back and forth, and some don’t.
I’m a man, and my wife and I were back and forth continuously once we started dating.

Good luck, the right person is out there!

Houseplantmad · 11/04/2023 23:00

In the kindest possible way, you sound a bit over the top with regard to messaging and monitoring it so microscopically. It sounds as if he is laid back/relaxed/has a normal approach to it but you are anything but.
Blocking him without enquiry/explanation is just rude and immature.

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 11/04/2023 23:00

You sound exhausting.

No one needs to reply to messages within your set timetable, and really… those pointless, endless message chains don’t need constant, quickly replies. It’s just chit chat, and goes on and on. It is totally normal to take a break from responding then go back to the message and reply when you feel up to it.

An urgent question deserves an answer but, “how was your day?” is something you can read then reply later than evening.

Spending some time browsing social media is different from sitting and writing a reply to a message when the chat is just dragging on.

You need to unclench.

ShirleyPhallus · 11/04/2023 23:02

@premiumskint i don’t think you’re crazy or intense. You’re feeling a bit messed around and rather than going down a route which could end in more embarrassment or accusations of being even more intense, you’re just cutting it short.

reallt shit of him to tell you he was sleeping when he clearly wasn’t

fwiw, this happened to me and I called the guy on it. He really panicked and told me he was playing hard to get to which I said I didn’t have time for someone playing games. He totally changed and appreciated the honestly etc and we had a lovely relationship. I wonder if he’s doing similar and making you feel like you need to wait a bit for him to reply

ejther way, you don’t need to stand for anything and if it’s not working for you then that’s your prerogative

Aturnipforthebooks · 11/04/2023 23:03

Op, you're not laid back. That's ok, you don't have to be, but it's better to know and accept yourself when you're dating - you'll have an easier time of it.

Stravaig · 11/04/2023 23:06

Standing over him with a stopwatch, monitoring his online activity, who and what he pays attention to instead of you is extremely worrying behaviour. In any relationship. After only 4 weeks and 6 dates, it's red flags galore 🚩🚩🚩

Original poster
premiumskint · 11/04/2023 23:06

I said, 'that's fair enough, I just feel things have been off recently and like you're not interested' and he replied, 'aww okay'.

So that's that then 😂

OP posts:
RelaxedPigeon · 11/04/2023 23:10

This is strange behaviour, after 4 weeks of dating monitoring what he’s doing online when he doesn’t reply for a few hours. Social media has made people behave in very odd ways!