To think this is just rude?

[premiumskint]

Been dating a guy for past 4 weeks, we've been on 6 dates so really early days. I'm pretty laid back, as is he, so I've just been going with his texting communication - which has became more and more sporadic. But tried not to dwell on it as I have done in the past with others and just kind of matched his messages. Kept it light and breezy.

Last message was sent by me on Friday evening after a day of back and forth voice notes. Then I didn't hear a peep all weekend. That's fine just assumed busy with Easter etc.

Nothing yesterday then a text today just asking how I was. I replied, he replied, I replied and this was 6 hours ago and there's been nothing since. In this time he has posted on instagram, liked my story and sent a 😍 to my story.

I find it rather rude. My last message was definitely one he could of replied to where I asked him two questions.

I can just feel the change in communication and honestly if it weren't for him viewing my story and posting one himself, I could have pretended in my head that he'd been busy with work and then fell asleep.

If someone's lost interest then that's fair enough but why even start a conversation to then just ignore me AGAIN.

I was actually assuming today that I probably wouldn't hear from him and was feeling okay and then he text me and is now not responding and I'm back to feeling shit.

Should I block his number? I almost want to as sick of sitting waiting for a text. Or is that petty?

FFS he's allowed to post on instagram and where he wants, instead of replying to you! Sometimes one might prefer to just post a bit on instagram or facebook or talk to someone else instead of texting to your partner. And that is totally ok! That's normal. What on earth is wrong with that? You're incredibly controlling. Who do you think you are? He's dodged a bullet, you have micromanaging and suffocating bunny boiler written all over you, sorry but you do.

Not sure what I said that is 'vitriolic', you posted on AIBU for advice, and people are giving it. To be honest, having a tantrum and blocking someone for posting on instagram in their free time and not replying to you sounds vitriolic to me. Blocking like that sounds like something a 9 year old would do, and rather spiteful.

I guess the reason is because I know the drill, things fizzle out, I mention it, they promise that nothing is wrong and they're still interested. They make a bit more effort for a little while and then things fizzle out again and round and round we go. It ends up that I feel like I'm going crazy and they think I am crazy

This seems to be quite a pattern with you. Respectfully I suggest you do some soul searching about how you approach things, instead of blaming the male you might need to accept that your expectations are far too much and unrealistic, and maybe you, not them are the problem.

It's OK, just move on. It's only been a few weeks.

It sounds like your communication patterns/expectations were mismatched.

I had that recently and realised I am more communicative than him so it wouldn't work in a relationship way, I would chatter too much and expect chatter back. But we're fine though.

IME if a man is into you he makes effort and will message you and be keen.

ignoring you and sporadic communication sounds like he’s not that into you, but is keeping you in reserve just in case.

if you don’t feel like a priority to him in the first months during the ‘honeymoon’ period, I’d move on.

if he’s ignoring you and being luke warm at this stage it’s not going to get better.

and it’s fine for all the PP who are happy with that. I wouldn’t be, and you don’t sound like you were. I’d move on too.

Because it's the truth, if a bloke was stalking my every Internet move and started get the huff because I'd not replied to a text, I'd run like the wind. The op wanted replies not her derriere licked

I agree. It’s odd that when someone disagrees, they are met with ‘don’t be unkind, why post if you disagree’, meaning that the only posts can be an echo chamber of an OP’s.

I couldn’t put up with this personally and if DH needed this amount of interaction I’d bin him and that would involve a whole heap of expense and paperwork. But I would have to for my own sanity. I think there are two types of people - needy and not. Neither are right or wrong but it’s a comparability issue, if you mix them it’s not going to work and this is the problem here. OP should bin him off and then they have both had a lucky escape.

I think this is embarrassing. I'm in a conversation sometimes and then go on Instagram and do whatever, see messages pop up and think oh I'll reply once I've finished scrolling, then forget. Think you went OTT but you obvs have your reasons. Should have said something first as now you're left wondering

Sorry missed one of your updates

OP I think you were instinctively feeling the slow fade and although I don’t think you should have blocked him I understand your reaction as it’s frustrating. Agree though that your action now makes you look intense. Something similar happened to me recently and I messaged the guy to say I had noticed a change in his communication style and it turned out he’s been clearing out his flat and kept finding items belonging to his very recent ex!!! Let this guy go and carry on looking for someone more compatible but try to give someone longer than six hours x

Chatting to someone you're dating isn't stupid. Don't be so dismissive.

No she doesn't and no he hasn't.

OP your absolutely spot on.
If someone likes you enough you aren't left guessing.
Deal with it however you need to - to move on. It's his loss.

I think you did the right thing @premiumskint and his subsequent actions proved it - tracking you down on Facebook because his ego was hurt but not bothered enough to reassure you & restart communication.
Many of the other people who have commented on this thread will not be familiar with how people (mostly men) act these days with online dating apps. I’m only familiar through my daughter who is the same age as you. But she has learned the hard way that a lot of people waste your time & she can’t be bothered with them anymore either. He was quite rude and wasn’t making much effort anymore- minimal actually. After several dates I would have expected more from someone I was seeing. Keep your expectations high and you won’t waste time on people who lack basic manners/ aren’t serious about wanting a relationship.

Your finger slipped on the "block" button?

flutterbyebaby

You sound bitter. Have many had a lucky escape from you?

Why not just stop all this texting and messaging and actually arrange to see each other? Just because you have a phone doesn't mean you have to constantly be in touch.

The longer you text and message him the more you're building a relationship in your head. Meeting face to face is where you build a relationship not on a phone. My advice... get off the phone and get into real life.

This all sounds really immature. Arrange to meet up. Call him. Instead of relying on texting etc. so weird that we judge each other on the ability to communicate through texting. You could be right and he wasn’t that into you but the fact he contacted you through Facebook sounds like this wasn’t true. It’s hard to meet someone where you both like each other,there isn’t an infinite amount of chances out there

i don’t think you sound hard work or clingy, or like you’re not ready to date, OP. I think you did the right thing - if he was into you he’d be taking any chance to message you.

good luck!

Kindly, you do sound super intense. I had a friend who was super intense every time she got with someone, she would constantly be checking their FB/Instagram for activity and then flipping out because they'd liked someone else's post etc. She's still single now, every relationship broke down after a matter of weeks. She still cant see that she's intense.

Okay I don't track his every move on social media. He posted a picture and it came up on my instagram feed, I looked at the picture and noticed he'd been commenting on it.

I had also put a pic on my story and he liked the pic, pretty hard to miss.

I have my read receipts off on WhatsApp so no one can see when I'm last active and vice Versa. I don't care about all that.

I literally noticed and thought, hmm that's strange. He's trying to do the slow fade, it's fairly obvious and I feel relieved this morning so know I made the right decision.

Well with a friend like you...who needs enemies. Also there's worse things than being single.

Well with a friend like you...who needs enemies.

What a thoroughly unpleasant person you are.

It's only been 6 hours. A bit soon to bin him off. He may have lost interest but he may not!

“ have my read receipts off on WhatsApp so no one can see when I'm last active and vice Versa. I don't care about all that. “

if you have read receipts off then this works both ways, meaning you also don’t know if the other person has read your message, so it’s possible he hasn’t read your WhatsApp yet.

Coming from you