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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rewrap his present from last year

243 replies

rockpoolingtogether · 11/04/2023 09:59

My DH birthday is coming up in one months time. I enjoy thinking about gifts and gifting something I think the recipient will like. For the last few years, the gifts I have given him have been left unused or put in a drawer. Last year, I specifically asked him what he wanted and bought that. Once again, it's nearly his birthday, and the gift I gave him last year isn't used. The worst thing is, it is a time specific thing. He wanted to make kombucha. So I bought him a decent kit and it had the scoby (the live ingredient) included. Don't ask me much about all this as I'm not really into that sort of thing!! Anyway, it is still sat in a cupboard and when I mentioned it once, he got all defensive so I've not said anything since. I don't feel like going to the effort of choosing something nice, for it not to be appreciated or used. To add insult to injury, he doesn't do gift giving. It was my birthday recently and he hadn't bought me a present but took my son to choose some chocolates. Maybe I'm over thinking this but I'm offended and hurt by his attitude. So Aibu to regift what I gave him last year?

OP posts:
Martinisarebetterdirty · 11/04/2023 10:02

Why would you bother doing that? Take your son and pick him some chocolates, why make the effort for him if he doesn’t for you.

Needmorelego · 11/04/2023 10:05

That would be quite funny. Do it 😂

Itsaloadofbollocks · 11/04/2023 10:07

Just for the fact he "doesn't do gift giving" I would rewrap it and if he complains tough. In fact I'd get all the unused gifts back out and regift them to him again.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 11/04/2023 10:07

If he got shitty when you mentioned it before, will you doing that piss him off even more? I mean, I'd find it quite funny but I know some people who wouldn't

TheCentreSlide · 11/04/2023 10:07

Just do the chocolates. The kombucha was a gift for him to do with as he wished and he chose to do fuck all - fine, his choice. But do not get him anything other than a last minute box of supermarket chocolates.

Isittimeformynapyet · 11/04/2023 10:08

Get him a bunch of lilies and a nice casket - for his scoby

Slimjimtobe · 11/04/2023 10:09

I wouldn’t do that but I would just get something small that requires no effort

Jojoanna · 11/04/2023 10:09

I wouldn't give him anything as it's clearly not appreciated or required. Just some chocolates.

readbooksdrinktea · 11/04/2023 10:09

Just get him chocolate, surely?

moveoverye · 11/04/2023 10:11

Well if you want to have a row and make his birthday all about your feelings and not his, then go right ahead.

Totalwasteofpaper · 11/04/2023 10:14

100% get your son to pick out some chocolates.

You are conflating issues if you regift something. Do not regift it and let him pick a fight.

dimpleton · 11/04/2023 10:14

Just take son to choose chocolates. Why bother making an effort when he doesn't bother?

Briallen · 11/04/2023 10:15

If you do that you’ll probably get a lot of huffing in return. Just do what he did for you, chocolates from your son. He can’t complain about it if he got you the same thing. If he does complain just say oh I assumed this is what we do now as you did the same for me.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 11/04/2023 10:17

Totalwasteofpaper · 11/04/2023 10:14

100% get your son to pick out some chocolates.

You are conflating issues if you regift something. Do not regift it and let him pick a fight.

This. There doesn’t need to be a drama on his birthday, just take your ds for the chocolates - job done.

Snowite · 11/04/2023 10:20

It's ok for him to not care about his own birthday. But not ok for him to show so little interest in yours if he's aware that you do care. Rewrap is tempting but the issue feels more like you (or your efforts, or your legitimate preferences) not being respected or cared about.

That said, I would probably go the petty rewrap route myself!

Companyofwolves · 11/04/2023 10:20

He doesn’t do gifting so don’t gift him anything. Card & chocs.

VickyEadieofThigh · 11/04/2023 10:24

Another vote for chocolates - the same ones as he got you. Just do this every year and take the weight off your mind.

Banrockmystation · 11/04/2023 10:29

I get why you want to but it’s a bit pass agg. Just get some chocolate and think no more about it (and buy yourself something nice instead because all you got for your birthday was some chocolate!)

PousseyNotMoira · 11/04/2023 10:29

He doesn’t do gifts and he doesn’t appreciate the gifts you give him. So, just stop giving him gifts, surely? Considerably more straightforward (and less petty) than regifting last year’s gift.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 11/04/2023 10:30

moveoverye · 11/04/2023 10:11

Well if you want to have a row and make his birthday all about your feelings and not his, then go right ahead.

Aw bless, better not hurt the man's feelings eh?

Brefugee · 11/04/2023 10:31

he doesn't do gifts and is a procrastinator? get him something from DS that DS picks out and if you really feel you need to give him something? Amazon voucher.
Job done.
(but i do think the PA re-wrapping of last year's is hilarious)

NoTouch · 11/04/2023 10:32

It is fair enough not to do gifting not everyone does. Where it becomes a problem is if one person in a couple is a gifter and the other isn't.

The gifter doesn't respect the others choices and buys gifts that are not wanted, or pressures for ideas that would be wanted and the receiver needs to come up with something.

The gifter gets pissed off when they don't get gifts from someone who "doesn't do gifts".

It is the gifter that causes the issues! But always the non-gifter that gets the blame!

What happened to the pleasure is in giving not receiving!

TheMatriarchy · 11/04/2023 10:32

Why are you giving gifts to someone who doesn't reciprocate and doesn't appreciate? He is making it pretty clear he doesn't even want them.

Brefugee · 11/04/2023 10:33

also when it's your birthday - you're a grown up and earning your own money? buy something you want for yourself that you wouldn't normally buy.

Suprima · 11/04/2023 10:35

Why do you buy presents for him if he doesn’t get them for you?

what a sad thing for your son to see

i get you are trying to show kindness and gift giving is a lovely thing, but all your son is seeing is that women and mums come last in the pecking order

if he only buys you chocolates with your son, you do the same for him