To rewrap his present from last year

[rockpoolingtogether]

My DH birthday is coming up in one months time. I enjoy thinking about gifts and gifting something I think the recipient will like. For the last few years, the gifts I have given him have been left unused or put in a drawer. Last year, I specifically asked him what he wanted and bought that. Once again, it's nearly his birthday, and the gift I gave him last year isn't used. The worst thing is, it is a time specific thing. He wanted to make kombucha. So I bought him a decent kit and it had the scoby (the live ingredient) included. Don't ask me much about all this as I'm not really into that sort of thing!! Anyway, it is still sat in a cupboard and when I mentioned it once, he got all defensive so I've not said anything since. I don't feel like going to the effort of choosing something nice, for it not to be appreciated or used. To add insult to injury, he doesn't do gift giving. It was my birthday recently and he hadn't bought me a present but took my son to choose some chocolates. Maybe I'm over thinking this but I'm offended and hurt by his attitude. So Aibu to regift what I gave him last year?

Why are you still with him?

You don't like him. He isn't nice to you. You don't communicate.

Break up.

No need to get him anything.

No, the problem is that you’re married to someone you believe to be a narcissist, who treats you poorly and you appear to actively dislike (with good reason).

He sounds like my ex, honestly break free of this asshole and do yourself a favour. My dh would do exactly this, not bother his hole with me on any occasion and throw a massive strip of the effort levels were reciprocated. The last gift I gave him was a £750 games console. Mine was a £40 jewellery set off Etsy that I picked and bought myself. I'm so much happier with him gone 🥳

Who on earth 'doesn't do' gift giving? I mean, I'd understand if it were a kidney, but as a blanket behaviour it just makes you an arsehole.

It sounds like he likes having the present more than using the present? I mean like hoarding it. That’s not great, but is there anything you could give him the same every year, eg cufflinks, chess pieces, coins, that would at least take up less room?

Based on your updates, what you should really get him for his birthday is his very own, private living situation. Seriously OP why are you still with this person?

He moans noone likes him. He's right, isn't he?

🤣

Buy him a bottle of kombucha with a gift tag saying 'since you can't be arsed to make your own' .

If he has indicated that he is not into gifting, you are true to impose your feelings on the subject upon him.

If your son wants to give dad a gift, why not some chocolates or a magazine subscription on a subject that interest him? If he does not eat the chocolates surely you son will.

How much thought is required to respect his wishes ? He says that he does not want anything. That is pretty hard to get wrong.

For your birthday, tell him exactly what you want and where to purchase it. This will insure that you get exactly what you want, and it will reflect as much thought as you put into making the decision.

@rockpoolingtogether why on earth are you still with him? you could be having a lovely home life away from this miserable fun sucking arsehole.

Please don’t use the dreaded phrase ‘he’s a good dad’!

frankly I’d let him sulk and give him the same amount of effort with gift giving that he makes.

I understand your frustration but I thin giving the same gift again has explosive potential. Just give a generic gift of low value, maybe something to go with last year’s gift - a glass to drink it from?

If I were you, I’d be taking steps to rid myself of this horrible man.

I don't know why you've kept giving him gifts the last few years if he hasn't reciprocated and clearly isn't bothered tbh

As others have said- stop the petty game playing and guilt tripping and just spend the money you would have spent on his birthday buying yourself a treat on your birthday

I would totally ignore his birthday. He does the bare minimum for yours and that’s probably only because he thinks he has to.

Let him him stew in his own kombucha juices this year. If you want to rewrap last year’s present go ahead, good idea, but I wouldn’t spend even that much time on him.

How insulting
He asked for the gift, was kindly given it. Only to put it away
Match his efforts from now on
Chocolates from DS
Hope he treats you better on the other 364 days

And don’t take dc to pick out anything for him. I’d go radio silence on his birthday. Absolute radio silence. Take dc out for the day and don’t even mention it. Keep your distance from h. Years of his sorry behavior, op! Wow.

he doesn't do gift giving

There is nothing in your description to suggest that there is anything that he wants as a gift.

Just don't give him anything.

Card and chocs or something small from DC, because it's good for DC to be aware of the pleasure of gifting.

Once you accept that you are buying him something because you like receiving gifts, it will be much simpler. In good faith, you can than spend the money on a gift for yourself. Don't feel bad about it.

I really don't enjoy being given things. There really isn't anything I'd ever want to be given. Id love you to choose something for yourself that you really want, then we would both be happy

Now he is getting something he doesn't really want and you, who like gifts, are not getting anything

---

If he does huff or act in anyway disappointed, that's the point at which to discuss what you are both going to do about gifts from now on.

All the best

Sooty missed one of your last posts
On second thoughts Treat yourself and gift yourself a new life.... without him

Hope he treats you better on the other 364 days

Sadly it doesn't sound like he does. OP please try to find your backbone. I don't know why you stick with him, obviously you have your reasons. But he doesn't deserve you. At the very least just get chocs from DS and stand up to his woe is me pity party.

I take what you're saying about his family life, but you are not there to fix him. He has to do that (and WANT to do that) for himself. Just because he's miserable doesn't mean he gets dibs on making your life miserable too.

Is it coincidence that he's lost all his friends?

Honest question after reading all your useless, OP, why are you even with him still?

Unfortunately, it's pretty clear that he doesn't care, not about you, nor about anything else other than himself.

Pretty sad you think this is funny

this isn’t banter

this is another joyless disinterested bloke, unbothered about special occasions, whilst everyone else makes the fun around him

what else are you putting up with?

Give him the gift of this thread. The only gift he deserves.

He is a loser extraordinaire.

I'd buy something that you'll like that way when he stuffs it in a drawer you can dig it out enjoy it.