To rewrap his present from last year

[rockpoolingtogether]

My DH birthday is coming up in one months time. I enjoy thinking about gifts and gifting something I think the recipient will like. For the last few years, the gifts I have given him have been left unused or put in a drawer. Last year, I specifically asked him what he wanted and bought that. Once again, it's nearly his birthday, and the gift I gave him last year isn't used. The worst thing is, it is a time specific thing. He wanted to make kombucha. So I bought him a decent kit and it had the scoby (the live ingredient) included. Don't ask me much about all this as I'm not really into that sort of thing!! Anyway, it is still sat in a cupboard and when I mentioned it once, he got all defensive so I've not said anything since. I don't feel like going to the effort of choosing something nice, for it not to be appreciated or used. To add insult to injury, he doesn't do gift giving. It was my birthday recently and he hadn't bought me a present but took my son to choose some chocolates. Maybe I'm over thinking this but I'm offended and hurt by his attitude. So Aibu to regift what I gave him last year?

Tell him in advance. It must be easy enough to have a grown up conversation along the lines of "Look, you don't use what I give you, you don't give me anything, so this year let's not bother and we can go out for a nice meal or something instead. Provided, of course, that we also do the meal thing on my birthday too."

@PousseyNotMoira no. He is a covert narcissist. It is not possible to converse with him. He is very defensive. He doesn't ask questions about my day, but if I initiate a simple how was your day? He simple mumbles or grunts a one word response. If my parents are here, he takes himself off into another room and is constantly shushing us. So no, I can't. I would love to have a normal conversation without feeling like I have to dig to get more than a one word response. Would be lovely to have a bit of banter or laugh. He is pretty much in the defensive and often sarcastic. Just

@Mumsanetta he says he's not depressed. He doesn't have any treatment. Maybe no depression but issues stemming from his relationship with his family. He can't do gifts or emotion. His default is woe is me and sarcasm!

Wrap up all his unused gifts and give them to him again.

How would he react if you put the same level of effort in for him as he does for you (fuck-all)?

I'd slither sell all his unused gifts and buy myself something with it or donate it to a charity. I would not buy anything at all for him ever again as long as I live.

Oh I hadn’t updated the thread!

So he does absolutely fuck all for you but moans like a little bitch and demands presents for himself?

Fuck him, quite frankly.

I bought my DH a gift in Lockdown 2020. It was something that he wanted and cost about £80. He's never even got it out of the box.

I have regifted it to him for every birthday, christmas, anniversary and Father's Day since. He NEVER twigs what it is when unwrapping it, dopey twat.

It truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

It has a good resale value, so I am considering flogging it and seeing if he ever notices. 😁

Do you want to stay in this marriage? He sounds foul.

Wow. He really is dopey. 😳 how can he not twig?!

If I say anything, he is horrible. He is never wrong. If I dared to say that I was a little disappointed then he would get nasty and say something like "when am I supposed to have the time to sort that out". Or he makes me feel guilty. Anyway, like I say. I'm over that. His loss. Got my lovely mum and dad and I'm going to treat myself!

I do think he has an issue though as he won't buy anything nice for himself either. He has to WhatsApp me all the time asking what I think- he doesn't talk to me- just always sends emails or texts! Drives me mad. Then if I ignore it he gets huffy. I think it's a control thing... if he wants something, eh new trainers he will txt me. I often just ignore or say go for it, but if he then doesn't get them because I did t reply he will say it's my fault as I didn't let him or didn't let him know what I thought. I find it so irritating. I don't tell him about every little purchase -maybe stuff over £200 but we have separate bank accounts and as long as the bills are paid he can do what he likes with his money.

Write a list of the gifts you've given him and what's happened to them and present it to him if he makes that claim. Tell him he clearly doesn't appreciate gifts so what's he moaning about.

I put it in deferent sized boxes and gift bags each time. 😂

You can get an amazon voucher and print it yourself from your Amazon account with a personal picture and message. You can see when it's been cashed under your account and if it hasn't you can cash it in yourself and use it whenever you fancy!

That's quite funny. I would actually love a little banter in joke like that where everyone has a giggle, but he isn't like that sadly. He can't take a joke because he is so over sensitive.

Don't panic, it's only yeast!

Agree get chocs
And yourself something nice.

Ah! 😂

Is he really worth it op? I’d not get him anything, adn when he went all woe is me I’d be very sarcastic. Oh no one who happens to be married to you cares enough to buy you a present? You should ask me how to handle that feeling, I know EXACTLY what it feels like. Go on, ask me.

Get ur sin ti chose something.it is annoying I know. My did not want to use his present in case he spoilt it. I had to point out i had bought it because i knew he would benefit from it. Explained how difficult it had been to source abd that the guarantee was due to expire- he soon started to use it🤣

Op you sound beaten. Why are you with this man? You don't sound like you like him and he clearly doesn't even think enough of you to make any effort but thinks it's ok to be nasty if you act the same way .
Not a chance in hell he'd be getting anything other than a box of chocolates off the kids here.

God this is a depression read. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Theres clearly a long history that’s probably quite sad but honestly you don’t have to absorb all that negativity and lack of care for you.

I’d really think hard about if this is working for you. You come from a loving family, surely you want the same for your own child? And for yourself?

Well, its bacteria as well, or it would have been before it died without any food or light for a year.

The scoby is in all likelihood dead like your marriage

Why are you with this man? The gift issue is clearly the teeny tiny tip of a grotesque iceberg. Perhaps post about the actual iceberg and we’ll be able to give more useful advice.

Tempted to play hide the Scoby around the house! I think the problem is I like jokes and have always had good friendships where we give and take banter and have in jokes. He just doesn't get it! I need a laught