Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious (again) at sister... how to raise this with DD

684 replies

Yellobird · 09/04/2023 19:39

Met up with my sister today, along with my DC. We don't see eye to eye and have taken very different paths, but my children like her so I go along with it.

DSis has no children. She was having a completely inappropriate conversation with DD about the gender pay gap and its because women can't go part time (in her job)- DD is 9!!! DD asked if that's why she doesn't have children. Sis went on to say that it's part of the reason, but mainly she likes her free time. Now bearing in mind DD thinks she's brilliant and hangs off her every word. Sis went on to say 'imagine if mum and dad wanted to go out tonight, on the spur of the moment. And then check out a new bar or comedy club. We'll they can't because they need to be at home with you and your brothers'

As if DH and I would even want to do that!!! Anyway, DH is doing bath time and I've said I'll go sit with her in bed and talk it through. DH says it's best to leave her so she doesn't dwell and get upset.

WWYD? Utterly furious that Sis has put us in this position after what should have been a nice family day.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 09/04/2023 19:41

What was DDs reaction to the comedy club scenario?

Original poster
Yellobird · 09/04/2023 19:42

SleepingStandingUp · 09/04/2023 19:41

What was DDs reaction to the comedy club scenario?

She didn't really say much. But she's a thinker

OP posts:
mamabear715 · 09/04/2023 19:42

Have read it twice trying to work out why you're so upset? Is there something I'm not getting?

SNWannabe · 09/04/2023 19:42

A bit of an overreaction tbh. She’s raised a valid point, but your answer to that is that doing things last minute isn’t as important to you as enjoying family time and that you are happy to plan your time with dad like x or y time that you’ve been out (and give an example).
why would your dd be upset about a differing viewpoint of life?

GenialHarryGr0ut · 09/04/2023 19:42

I think it's fine to say to DD that different people have different opinions and that you and her dad would much rather enjoy time at home - Auntie DS has a different opinion and that's fine as we don't all have to like the same things.

bluesocks5 · 09/04/2023 19:44

i don’t think she’s said anything out of order? atleast your dd will have a realistic view of life with kids for later in life

Confrontayshunme · 09/04/2023 19:44

I talk about the gender pay gap and gender disparities with my 9 and 10 yo DD and her friends. They are children, not robots, and most of them already realise that their unmarried, childless aunties have more fun lives than I do!

ScarlettDarling · 09/04/2023 19:44

What is going to upset your daughter? Really struggling to understand what you’re upset about?

etsiketsi · 09/04/2023 19:44

It’s an opinion. Personally I’m for children being exposed to opinions that differ. What do you feel the effect of your sister saying this will be on your daughter?

Original poster
Yellobird · 09/04/2023 19:44

mamabear715 · 09/04/2023 19:42

Have read it twice trying to work out why you're so upset? Is there something I'm not getting?

That she's told DD that mum and dad are not having fun because of her!! Thought that was obvious.

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 09/04/2023 19:45

I don’t get it? What are you upset about?

GoodChat · 09/04/2023 19:45

She hasn't said you're not having fun because of her. She's just said that children limit your opportunities, which they do, and that's why she's personally not had any.

greenspaces4peace · 09/04/2023 19:45

Strange reaction on your part, it’s perfectly reasonable for 9 yr olds to know people have different options and views.

Moltenpink · 09/04/2023 19:45

Honestly I don’t think she’s said anything wrong, sorry.

CheeseMcKnees · 09/04/2023 19:46

I think it’s really nice a young girl is told that children are optional and not expected. Not sure a 9 year old is ready for the concept of a comedy club just yet though.

MumsyMalone · 09/04/2023 19:46

All she said was she has chosen to do different things with her time. Get a grip!

strawberry2017 · 09/04/2023 19:46

Think you are massively overreacting. Move on and let it go.

WateryDoom · 09/04/2023 19:47

I'm not sure why you are upset, to be honest. I'd have laughed and said, 'Good job we don't all want the same things out of life'.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 09/04/2023 19:47

Incredible overreaction

Gender pay back is worth talking about frankly.

She didn’t say that mum and dad are not having fun because of her, she said mum and dad can’t just randomly go out on a whim.

I am baffled how you’re so offended by this.

BendingSpoons · 09/04/2023 19:47

On the surface I can imagine having these sorts of conversations with my DD7 e.g. discussing that different people value different things but that for us we are definitely glad we have DCs. And that we are happy to be at home with them most of the time and get a babysitter when we do want to go out.

I don't fully understand the comment about the gender pay gap, but I would discuss that in a age appropriate way too. But it would need to be neutral and not blame-y I think.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 09/04/2023 19:47

I agree completely with your DS’s reasoning, but she was tactless to put it like that.

PollyThePixie · 09/04/2023 19:47

Yellobird · 09/04/2023 19:44

That she's told DD that mum and dad are not having fun because of her!! Thought that was obvious.

Show quote history

No. It wasn’t obvious at all.

TheEarlofButties · 09/04/2023 19:47

9yo girl learns that parenting is hard and women are disadvantaged from aunt who has meaningful conversation with her?! i’d be in there backing up what she said tbh

Stripycatz · 09/04/2023 19:47

I don't understand the comment about women working part-time, but what she said about the comedy club is true.
At 9, DD has lots of other information and experience to balance this comment with; she knows you love to spend time with her.
Unless your sister has hit some kind of nerve for you, I wouldn't worry about it.

MelchiorsMistress · 09/04/2023 19:47

I would talk to her about it and reassure her that you would much rather be at home with her and her brothers than anything else. I don’t agree with your DH about leaving it at all because it could be a good learning opportunity for your dd.

Swipe left for the next trending thread