Furious (again) at sister... how to raise this with DD

[Yellobird]

Met up with my sister today, along with my DC. We don't see eye to eye and have taken very different paths, but my children like her so I go along with it.

DSis has no children. She was having a completely inappropriate conversation with DD about the gender pay gap and its because women can't go part time (in her job)- DD is 9!!! DD asked if that's why she doesn't have children. Sis went on to say that it's part of the reason, but mainly she likes her free time. Now bearing in mind DD thinks she's brilliant and hangs off her every word. Sis went on to say 'imagine if mum and dad wanted to go out tonight, on the spur of the moment. And then check out a new bar or comedy club. We'll they can't because they need to be at home with you and your brothers'

As if DH and I would even want to do that!!! Anyway, DH is doing bath time and I've said I'll go sit with her in bed and talk it through. DH says it's best to leave her so she doesn't dwell and get upset.

WWYD? Utterly furious that Sis has put us in this position after what should have been a nice family day.

Put you in what position?!

I have those conversations with my own children!

So you don't think your daughter has a right to hear different opinions about how women experience life? To be honest the only person in this scenario who is angry or upset is you.
Did it touch a nerve? I have similar conversations with my granddaughter and age appropriately. As did her mother and both men and women in the wider family. We will also talk to our grandson.

I think it's great that your daughter has good role models and is exposed to learning how to think

Discussing current affairs or social issues isn't "worrying about politics". You're clearly not very political but your sister is. That's fine, it provides a balance for your kids. You can't hide them away from all global issues until they're 18 and ready to vote

I didn't say it wasn't, just not appropriate at a family event.

When, then? Considering you rolled your eyes and walked out, I'm guessing you're not having these discussions with him.

I don't think telling kids parents would rather always stay in with kids is right either.

It's not true

Sorry OP, children can still enjoy childhood and be educated in important matters. Without knowledge of these issues it may lead to adulthood not being so enjoyable.

I think it's great your 15 Yr old is interested in having a discussion on Trump & his mistreatment of women. He needs to learn this stuff now.

No, she didn't.

I think you’re wrong for thinking this is going to ruin their childhood.
You cannot hide the world from them because some parts aren’t 100% perfect and equal. Surely your child has heard of the terms “war” “death” etc. You don’t need to have big intense talks but you can fill in the gaps in a matter of fact way and always end on a positive.

I’m as precious as they come about my children but the gender pay gap is not inappropriate for a 9 year old. I have a younger child who I have talked to about this. We talk about politics and the news a lot in our house. I encourage my dc to hear different points of view. They’re very young in lots of ways, I’m super strict about what they watch on tv/read etc. But it’s my responsibility to bring them up to respect men and women and to want to live in a fair society.

If someone said “I bet your mum wishes she didn’t have you so she could go out easily” that would be one thing. But my children KNOW that I miss loads of things because they exist. That’s ok. That’s reality. They know being a parent is hard work. They also know that I chose to be a parent and I love them and I might feel sad to miss things sometimes but I’d choose them a hundred times over.

It sounds like you don’t like your sister much. I’m guess that’s the root of it all.

It’s never too early for your daughter to learn that there are as many ways to live life as there are people in the world, and all options are open to her. You should have already started having these conversations by 9!

Knowing your options leaves you much better placed to make good decisions in life, rather than following the only model you know. Girls and women need to know this and feel secure in whatever choices they make, since parts of society still aim to limit them. Parents should make sure they don’t ever feel limited.

And perhaps you should have a think about why you believe it’s so ridiculous that you and your partner might want to have some time out together, doing interesting, grown up things. It’s really not at all out of the ordinary. Parents are still people, not defined by the fact of having children. Being a parent isn’t a personality.

MASSIVE over reaction!!
Totally factual that children limit your social life, as least for a while!
Also think gender pay gap should be discussed a lot with age appropriate content, instead of women being afraid/shy etc to discuss what their true value is!

She didn't say you have no life or fun, she said you have no spontaneity, which IS life with kids. You're the one deciding that means only she's happy and now daughter will feel like a burden because your life is so miserable

She didn’t say ‘Mum and Dad have no life because of you’. Blimey. And 15-year-olds should definitely have an opinion on Trump, or they do in my family anyway.

This is a mountain molehill situation. If your DD asks you anything you just reassure her you love your life and looking after your children is not a chore and different people make different choices and like different things, and that she can choose when she’s older.

You don't like her. So your not going to like anything she says.

I couldn't get angry about this.

It just comes down to your Dsis not understanding how it feels to have kids and that can be very easily explained to DD.

Year 10s at the school where I work could have an intelligent conversation about Trump, especially top set and the ones who do debating club.

I think your sister is the type of woman you don’t like. And don’t want your daughter to be. I think it says a lot that your children enjoy her company.

She’s at a good age to understand the gender pay gap and other related issues. I chat to my eight year old about things like this. Likewise having children impacts on lots of things, surely you just explain that they are worth the sacrifice of short notice nights out! At fifteen and much younger, an interest in politics is great and it’s so important to have a good understanding of how to treat women well. She sounds like a great Auntie. I talk to my five and eight year old about politics and current issues in an open and age appropriate way.

@Yellobird Politics isn’t a scary, dirty word. It’s important that children engage with the world in an age appropriate way. Do your children never listen to the day time news? Read childrens newspapers like First News etc? It’s much more worrying for children who heard snippets of “grown up” things but don’t have the age appropriate context.

It’s plain to see that your kids like your sister because she treats them like adults, while you seem to want to protect/insulate them from life. You can try your sister’s approach, or at least accept and respect her approach to discussion with your children. She sounds like a great aunt to me!

It sounds like your kids are actively seeking out someone who tells them the truth and has real conversations with them, you’ve said yourself your daughter is a thinker.
They don’t want a sugar coated version and someone who pretends life is all roses. I think you’re the one who needs to change.

You are being ridiculous OP. I have a ten year old and it's a joke in the family with DH and I mock complaining that we can't go out to things at night . DC knows when something comes up we really want to go to then we make arrangements for a babysitter. Having children absolutely brings a lack of certain types of freedom but surely that's obvious

What about a family event makes it inappropriate?

I'm honestly utterly baffled by the idea that stopping your children learning about the world is a good thing. How do you expect them to decide how they'll vote as an adult if they haven't heard about politics before then?

We used to do mock debates with different people at school pretending to be different parties, and mock election campaigns and then hold a school general election. (Secondary school).

Politics has such an impact that it's incredibly important to learn about it early on. I remember coming across someone at university who didn't know what left or right wing was and being quite astonished how they had got that far without knowing.

Children are amazing in their capacity to take on a very broad range of information. Exposing them to life, citizenship, politics doesn't reduce their childhood. It provides the foundations of a well rounded person with critical thinking skills.