Furious (again) at sister... how to raise this with DD

[Yellobird]

Met up with my sister today, along with my DC. We don't see eye to eye and have taken very different paths, but my children like her so I go along with it.

DSis has no children. She was having a completely inappropriate conversation with DD about the gender pay gap and its because women can't go part time (in her job)- DD is 9!!! DD asked if that's why she doesn't have children. Sis went on to say that it's part of the reason, but mainly she likes her free time. Now bearing in mind DD thinks she's brilliant and hangs off her every word. Sis went on to say 'imagine if mum and dad wanted to go out tonight, on the spur of the moment. And then check out a new bar or comedy club. We'll they can't because they need to be at home with you and your brothers'

As if DH and I would even want to do that!!! Anyway, DH is doing bath time and I've said I'll go sit with her in bed and talk it through. DH says it's best to leave her so she doesn't dwell and get upset.

WWYD? Utterly furious that Sis has put us in this position after what should have been a nice family day.

This! Hahaha

Having read this twice, I think it's a good thing your daughter has her aunt.

The gender pay gap should be discussed and 9 is as good an age as any.

We also see so many people on here regretting having children, so it's not a bad thing for her to know it's a sacrificial role.

I'm sure she's knows you enjoy spending time with her too, so will see both sides.

Huge overreaction on your part.

The only thing I can get from this post is that my 7 year old is extremely intelligent, I cannot phantom why anyone else pups think a 9 year old would not benefit of knowing about women’s rights and the gender pay gap , can even understand less why a 15 year should not know about trump since in parts of the U.K. they can actually vote a year after .
At 7 my child is perfectly capable of having a small discussion about politics ( who are the prime and first ministers and why she likes or doesn’t like them as a example ) , environment and women’s rights and has enough knowledge to actually do it . It seems your kids might love their aunt so much because she actually treats them as intelligent people as ho can have age appropriate conversations in all subjects.

I’m amazed that 9% of those who voted believe the OP response is reasonable 😮😳

I'm not sure I am surprised. There's a hefty dose of "She's jealous she hasn't got a beautiful little girl like yours, hun" responses.

@ReadersD1gest hmmm, but it’s a weird response for so many to have isn’t it?

Absolutely!

I know OP has disengaged, but, wow, I feel so sorry for her DCs. She's going to destroy her daughter's lovely relationship with what sounds like the only sane member of the family

OK, so hear me out. I think you are over reacting but I understand how comments from siblings to our children can seem so much bigger than they are.

Personally, I like my DD knowing there are different options as a woman, it's fine to have children and it's also fine not to want them and to go out to comedy clubs and have a different kind of fun life too. I also think our DDs should know about the gender pay gap early so they don't accept the absolute shit we've all had to put up with as women.

BUT mostly what I want to say to you is my sister and I fought like cat and dog as teenagers and some of that spilled into adulthood. We were best friends mostly but the times we argued or fell out as adults were always about how the other parented and our differences of opinion. If I could go back in time I would never have fallen out with her over things that really REALLY don't matter.

My sister died 11 years ago, age 41, leaving her children behind. I got to parent them the way I thought they should be parented but what I didn't get and will never have is the chance to grow old with my sister. The chance to share in the burden of dealing with our parents ill health, their deaths and all the difficult times I've struggled through alone when I know she would have been my rock.

I would give anything to see her again and so I just want to urge you to try and see that differences of opinion are ok and even her saying something you don't like to your child is not the biggest deal and is something you can put right with a bedtime chat or two. Value what you have because you are so lucky to have a sister who wants to spend time with your DD and chat to her and share her opinions, right or wrong. And you are so lucky that you can choose to forgive her this, give her a big hug, be her best friend, share in the ups and downs of life. Please be grateful for her and cherish her and give her the hug I can't give my sister. I promise you nothing is worth falling out when you see the bigger picture.

How can you possibly think it's not a good idea to talk about the gender pay gap with a 9 year old?!
Children should be educated about all things in life, in an age appropriate way.

Why would this cause her to worry? It should empower her!

I'm really confused by your thread. I can only see positives in the discussions your daughter is having with her aunt. Well done to your sister!

Crazy overreaction op.

I appreciate OP has flounced - but on the small chance she is still ready I found her comment that a nine year old shouldn’t know anything. About politics really depressing.

children should grow up in homes full of books and debate and reference to the outside world. This can be easily
sone in an age appropriate way.

i am the aunt that OP hates😂. I bought my entices and nephews these books when they were 7 to about 9. They are full of age appropriate political figures. Really opens up the conversation about women’s right and racism and the environment.

nine year old learn about this in school - why is it a taboo subject in OPs home????

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=women+little+people+big+dreams&adgrpid=119374014162&hvadid=578448841348&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9045208&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=b&hvrand=17693864828450897058&hvtargid=kwd-1069817782273&hydadcr=2506_2273688&tag=hydrukspg-21&ref=pd_sl_62qfdkc16c_b

Do you mean that you are the ACTUAL sister or that TYPE of sister ?

Dont overthink it…if she comments say, oh…your Auntie has always loved been out and about…not me…we are so different. All i ever wanted was a lovely family life with kids.

Wow…im with your sister…15 year olds absolutely need to be aware of such things and horrors like Trump!

But she didn’t say that. She’s just discussing different lifestyle choices. My kids would have just said ‘they’d get a babysitter’.
Your huge over reaction is a bit neurotic- prob why DH had retreated to the bathroom🤣
I think I’d hang out with your sister.

Sounds as though your sister respects their intellect and values their oppions and ability to debate - that’s why they like her. You need to have a think. They are not cotton wool babies, that goodness they have this strong intelligent auntie in their lives.

The type of sister. But …. My niece is 9 and my nephew is 14. Could be me.

but I hope my sister isn’t as narrow minded as OP!!!!!!

My son is 11 and knows I'd much rather be out at a comedy club 😂😂

He also knows about life, death, the news, bad things that happen and that people all over the world live different lives and do things differently.

Shame your sister doesn't want kids cos she sound like the kind of person that would make an amazing mother

I'd love for my kids to have had an aunt like that when they were younger....or now even, as they have both decided that they don't want children and as I started having kids when I was 25 I have no idea about a life without them, so can't advise or discuss experiences with them.

I am wondering about that. There is no cause for fury at all.

I talk about the gender pay gap with my 10yo son and gave done for a year or so and sexism in general. It’s bloody important. Feel like you’re looking for things to be annoyed at, if I’m honest.

She sounds like a great aunt to bother to engage them in these conversations and it’s not unhealthy to hear different perspectives and is age appropriate. These type of conversations are also not unusual to have at family gatherings.
What she said was factually correct, but you could just say that’s one POV, but you are happy you chose the life you have and how lucky you feel to have DS and DD.
9 and 15 are not babies. DC are exposed to more through school, peers, media.
Being overly controlling and over reacting is not healthy for you or them.

My reaction would probably be to explain to DD that people have different priorities. For her aunty, freedom and career are her priority. For you and her Dad, family is a top priority. Also, people find fun in different ways, you may think a family picnic is more fun than a comedy club. People are different, that's not a bad thing, it's just a thing.

Your DSis has made it sound like your children are a burden. To her, it was a throw away comment without consequences. You say your Dd is a thinker, mine is too, & I would definitely be having a chat with her to let her know that her aunt is an arse & that your children are the best thing that’s ever happened & you wouldn’t want it any other way 💞