AIBU to go nuclear now about f'ing piss!!

[LicensedToLoseMyShit]

Every time my DSS (14) comes to stay there always ends up being piss all over the toilet seat, up the back of the lid, in between the cistern and seat etc..

I've just gone to use the toilet and it's splashed everywhere, not just a drop but like someone's just pissed all over the seat, like they haven't even bothered to look where it's going and walked out.

I know it's him because it's not like this when he isn't here. I've mentioned it to DH before who's spoken to him but it still happens and I'm honestly ready to lose my shit over it. It's fucking disgusting and just shows a complete lack of care. Who pisses all over the toilet and just walks away?!

I'm half minded to storm in his room whilst he's talking to his friends on his playstation and shout to get in there and clean his piss up off the toilet (I won't but I'd like to).

Is it just me or is 14 way to old for this to be a regular issue? No SEN.

I’d give him a cloth and some spray and make him clean it up every single time

Why won't you go and tell him to clean it up?

I've mentioned it to DH before

& herein lies your problem.

Next time - don't mention it. Just get the cleaning stiff out, present it to DH, & tell him that either he or his son are cleaning the piss up, as it's not women's responsibility to skivvy for dirty, disrespectful males.

I will, I know DH has plenty of times before. I'd like to say it so loud his friends hear and he's embarrassed as talking to him about it hasn't seemed to work at all but I won't do that.

Why not?

Yes, I'd go tell him to clean up his own piss. So what if he's on the ps at the time, you need it cleaning up ASAP.

My 16 year old with autism and ADHD has never done this. How vile. No wonder you're annoyed op.

I'll go in shortly. I just need to calm down about it for a minute because otherwise I'll go in shouting I'm so fed up of it, it's fucking disgusting.

Your DH (his dad) needs to go in and tell him to clean it up now.
Then perhaps take him to get his eyes checked.

This isn’t your problem to deal with.

I've made my 6 year old and 9 year old ds clean toilets for smaller levels of wee than this. At 14 there's no excuse.

Tell him so.

Explain that you could have shamed him in front of his friends, but respect him to chose not to. Ask him how he'd feel if you HAD.
Then ask him how he thinks you feel about somebody leaving their pee for you to deal with. Ask him why he's not offering you similar respect by cleaning up after himself.

DH will either tell him to do it himself or do it but it's not even just that. It annoys me that he's still doing it at all. Just look where it's fucking going for goodness sake! I'm minded to say he needs to start sitting down to go if he can't use the toilet without it going all over the place.

each time u find it like that get him to clean it up.

I personally wouldn't shame him infront of friends, but I would ask him why exactly he thinks it's acceptable to leave a piss covered toilet for you to clean. I'd remind him that women are not there for that and hand him cleaning things and tell him you expect him to wipe the toilet down after use if he can't aim straight in the bowl. I'd also ask his dad to reinforce this conversation. If it keeps happening then I'd work in a consequence of some description. Eg if he leaves it like that he needs to clean every bathroom in the house thoroughly every time. I feel like that will improve his aim quicker than embarrassing him in front of mates.

It IS fucking disgusting. Good for you getting calm first.

Good luck.

He's doing it on purpose.

Don't humiliate him in front of his friends, but definitely pull him out* and into the bathroom, tell him how unacceptable it is and give him the wherewithal to clean it up.

*not physically, obviously

Everytime you see it call him to come and clean it up. He will eventually get fed up and learn.

I would wonder if it's a dirty protest too. I would go get him, make him come away from the PS, and lose your rag with him. It's incredibly disrespectful. Either his dad comes to see why you're shouting or he doesn't. It's a hard boundary for you (very reasonably) and he's pushed and pushed. Time to get tough.

Grim and horrid. He’s 14, not 4, he knows where he’s pissing! And I wouldn’t give one single jot about embarrassing him in front of his friends. I would go in with a cloth and spray and say he needed to clean up the filthy toilet because you all have to use it. He knows what he’s doing, but if you do that, he won’t do it again!

That’s exactly what I thought but didn’t want to say because it seems a bit dark.

One of my SDD's didn't used to flush after a number 2. She confessed in her 20's that it was deliberate and apologised. I agree with pp that it is deliberate. If not he needs intervention, if he's leaving school toilets like that. It'll be picked up on in work. I don't agree with going softly softly. I'd be asking his mother about possible UTI, anxiety etc and fucking putting a stop to it.

I suspect a dirty protest too.

My first thought too as l have two ds and never once have l seen this. They are not very tidy in other ways. As teens they had messy rooms/ towels everywhere etc but never an issue with the toilet. So unless this lad has special needs this sounds like a deliberate act. I presume he doesn't do this in school or in his friends house. Just in case he does your dh needs to really give him a very strong telling off even for his own sake. Maybe tell him that he will check the bathroom each time he finishes in there before he can go back to his PS. He may also be in such a hurry to get back to the game he just couldn't be bothered. Or is leaving it until the last minute because of not wanting to leave the dam game.

That was my thought too. I recognise this behaviour.