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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go nuclear now about f'ing piss!!

244 replies

LicensedToLoseMyShit · 09/04/2023 14:46

Every time my DSS (14) comes to stay there always ends up being piss all over the toilet seat, up the back of the lid, in between the cistern and seat etc..

I've just gone to use the toilet and it's splashed everywhere, not just a drop but like someone's just pissed all over the seat, like they haven't even bothered to look where it's going and walked out.

I know it's him because it's not like this when he isn't here. I've mentioned it to DH before who's spoken to him but it still happens and I'm honestly ready to lose my shit over it. It's fucking disgusting and just shows a complete lack of care. Who pisses all over the toilet and just walks away?!

I'm half minded to storm in his room whilst he's talking to his friends on his playstation and shout to get in there and clean his piss up off the toilet (I won't but I'd like to).

Is it just me or is 14 way to old for this to be a regular issue? No SEN.

OP posts:
Blondewithredlips · 09/04/2023 15:49

I have two sons in their 20s never had this.

Do you think he deliberately does it as a show of lack of respect?

Goodread1 · 09/04/2023 15:50

Hi Op@LicensedToLoseMyShit

Buy from Internet a poster to put on the back door 🚪

That says be a sweetie wipe the toilets

If it smells spray it ect

To reinforcement the message to keep Toilet clean

Also tempted to suggest buy a kiddie Star chart or the equivalent

PortiasBiscuit · 09/04/2023 15:53

My MIL has her faults but I am eternally grateful to her that she taught my DH to piss whilst sitting on the loo.

Goodread1 · 09/04/2023 15:54

Dirty protests posts sounds like he is doing time in prison

Doing Bird

GenAndWine · 09/04/2023 15:55

Natural consequences.

so the consequences here are:

  • having to clean up
  • no more game console as hurrying back to the game is clearly preventing him from aiming right/cleaning up after
  • a new sitting down rule
Pixiedust1234 · 09/04/2023 15:57

Give the cleaning items to DH then its up to him to either clean it himself, get his DS to do it or for him to go nuclear. Your DH needs to sort it.

stayathomer · 09/04/2023 16:01

It IS fucking disgusting. Good for you getting calm first.

Good luck
I was going to say this too, no use getting angry, nothing gets solved that way but it is disgusting (as a mum of two kids, two teenagers who had to deal with this before!)

ThereIbledit · 09/04/2023 16:02

Go and disturb his game. Tell him you want a word with him in private, NOW. If he refuses because he's in the middle of the game tell him loudly that you don't want to embarrass him in front of his friends. If he's still "too busy take the cleaning stuff in there and go ahead and embarrass the heck out of him with the great detail of how much piss he has left on the seat.

You've tried gentle and reasonable, now for some tough love. If he can't leave the toilet in a respectful state he 100% can go clean it at an inconvenient and potentially embarrassing time to him.

stealtheatingtunnocks · 09/04/2023 16:08

My teens did this, drove me mad. Turned out they were on their phones - while peeing. I ASK YOU! too busy on YouTube to aim.

they were taught to clean it up every time and that worked for a bit, but then they slipped and it was back to pools of piss.

I asked them over dinner, in front of their dad if they’d ever seen a period. They squirmed and stuttered and admitted that no, they’d never seen any evidence of my menses. I told them if they wouldn’t clean up after themselves then I would join in and they could expect big clots in the pan and blood on the rim. That worked.

BlueThursday · 09/04/2023 16:08

My FIL does this and yes I think it’s deliberate.

DH won’t say to him about it (neither does MIL in her own home) so I have DH clean it up every time; it’s not my job

Verbena17 · 09/04/2023 16:10

Could you get DH to ask the boy’s mum if he does it at home.
if the answer is yes he does, then perhaps it’s something medical to do with how the wee is coming out at an angle orlike someone else mentioned, he could be dyspraxic, although you’d assume he’d ask for cleaning stuff to clean up after himself.

DiscoDragon · 09/04/2023 16:11

That has to be deliberate surely. I have a 9yr old with SEN and he doesn't do this, a couple of little accidents when he was just starting to use the big toilet perhaps but never anything on that scale. On the couple of occasions he's missed the loo he's been made to clean up after himself.

Verbena17 · 09/04/2023 16:12

Oh also, do you get on with him in general? If yes, and if he hasn’t always done this, maybe double check he’s not got a continence issue - where he doesn’t feel the urge to go until it’s too late - hence spraying over loo.

Orangetapemeasure · 09/04/2023 16:12

My 9 yo used to do this. I started calling him back to the toilet and giving home the spray and a cloth. Didn’t take long. He knows where the spray and cloth live now for the rare time there are accidents.

sjxoxo · 09/04/2023 16:12

Agree you definitely can just ask him to clean it up and next time he comes leave the spray etc out and say ‘sprays there if you make a mess!!’ I’d be loud and clear! X

NorthernSpirit · 09/04/2023 16:12

My SS (now 14) used to do this. Also didn’t flush the toilet.

SD (then 15) was leaving used sanitary towels in her room.

F@cking disgusting.

EVERY SINGLE TIME I got DP to deal with it. He got sick of cleaning up after them, so then they were told to do it.

Eventually when they realise some their mug won’t clean up after them it stops.

You can’t care more than the parents (look up the NACHO method of step parenting). Not your kids, not your problem.

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/04/2023 16:12

4% have voted YABU!!!

how and why???!

Easterbaking · 09/04/2023 16:15

Yadnbu.

My 14yo does not do this because I nipped it in the bud when he was younger. He knows not to even bother.

He needs to be made to clean it up, every single time.

There'd be consequences for this.

jannier · 09/04/2023 16:19

LicensedToLoseMyShit · 09/04/2023 14:52

DH will either tell him to do it himself or do it but it's not even just that. It annoys me that he's still doing it at all. Just look where it's fucking going for goodness sake! I'm minded to say he needs to start sitting down to go if he can't use the toilet without it going all over the place.

What's your relationship like? Is he doing it to get at you?
I'd march him in there and say it's disgusting and how would he like to be cleaning someone else's mess up....if his aim is that bad hr needs to sit down....but first get OH to talk to him to see if he has a medical reason that causes spraying.

anyolddinosaur · 09/04/2023 16:20

Make him clean it up. Ask him if he does it at home and does he need to see a doctor. Tell him even if this is a medical problem he needs to clean it up every time. Tell him next time you see piss everywhere you will tell him in front of his friends to clean it up.

billy1966 · 09/04/2023 16:20

Comedycook · 09/04/2023 15:02

Everytime you see it call him to come and clean it up. He will eventually get fed up and learn.

This.

Utterly disgusting.

His father is doing him no favour allowing him to maintain such lazy dirty habits.

He will do that in someone's home and he will be disgraced.

bitcharming · 09/04/2023 16:32

I make my 4 year old clean up his wee, only a drop but it's polite to clean up before the next person has to sit on it.

ActDottie · 09/04/2023 16:34

Make him sit down for the toilet, growing up all the men sat down to pee and my husband does it now.

Stravaig · 09/04/2023 16:37

Tell DH he's an absolute embarrassment of a man and an utterly useless father to have a 14 year old son who, barring medical causes, cannot pee neatly and/or clean up after himself every single time. You have a DH problem, not a DSS problem.

Heynonnybollocks · 09/04/2023 16:37

Quite amusing that you're proposing to lose your shit about his errant piss.

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