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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child in Nando's

240 replies

Neverhappyalwayshopeful · 08/04/2023 01:46

Hubby thinks I'm being unreasonable.

We are parents to an 8 month old and almost 12 year old. This evening we went out for a quick dinner at Nando's. The eldest was at a play date so was just the 3 of us on a table for 4. The table next to us was a couple and a young child aged between 2 and 3. They had plenty of seating and a high chair available for the girl to use. They chose to all sit on the bench side of the table presumably to sit together. I was also sat on the bench side of our table with an empty seat next to me. I put my bag there. Hubby was sat opposite and our baby was in the pushchair in the space next to him as he can't sit in one of those wooden high chairs just yet.

The little girl from the table next to us was constantly walking along the bench, coming to our table, scraping a fork along the back wall and asking her parents for our food. My husband asked her parents and then offered her a snack from our sons snack box at one point to try and appease her. She didn't want that, she wanted our food. It made our meal really awkward. I didn't say anything rude but tried to politely diffuse the situation by engaging with her, making conversation back and also telling her that her dinner was at her table and her chips were waiting for her etc etc. A few minutes later, she was back again and this time was standing on my handbag which i had placed on the empty seat next to me (on our table). As I turned and saw this, the dad had the cheek to tell me that 'I may want to move my bag' as she is standing on it! Of course I did move it but to somehow phrase it as though I should move my belongings from a seat that belongs to our table when in fact his child was trampling on my handbag felt cheeky! It was a very expensive handbag too but even if it wasn't, I would have been just as annoyed. There wasn't even an apology!

Generally, I like to think that I'm not one of those parents who judges others or expects children to behave perfectly but this situation really annoyed me. I expected the parents to take some ownership of their child's behaviour and try to manage it. DH thinks it's just a case of a child behaving like a child and that the parents didn't do anything wrong. I couldn't imagine allowing my child to interrupt another family the way we were continually interrupted today. If the parents were trying and the girl was just being inquisitive, I genuinely wouldn't have minded. It's the lack of trying and no acknowledgment for the fact that we were being inconvenienced that is irritating. Even a simple, I'm so sorry she's going through a phase of blah blah blah.

AIBU for feeling/thinking as I am?

OP posts:
Sleepyandconfused · 08/04/2023 01:51

It sounds like you were really nice to the child. Good for you. Kids are annoying but they’re just kids. The parents should have done something but maybe they were relieved that you were being so lovely about it? I always try to be nice to parents with annoying kids as we have all been there when kids go through the annoying phase.

Original poster
Neverhappyalwayshopeful · 08/04/2023 02:02

Sleepyandconfused · 08/04/2023 01:51

It sounds like you were really nice to the child. Good for you. Kids are annoying but they’re just kids. The parents should have done something but maybe they were relieved that you were being so lovely about it? I always try to be nice to parents with annoying kids as we have all been there when kids go through the annoying phase.

I suppose. I wouldn't ever be rude/short with a child and believe in being firm but friendly in my parenting style. I guess deep down, I do get that it's an element of kids being kids but I think it was annoying me that the parents didn't acknowledge it. I also think the standing on my handbag was where the line was crossed. It just feels so disrespectful and whilst there was no intent from the child's side, I just can't imagine watching my child doing that to another persons things and then telling them to move it in a joking tone. I would apologise, ask if there was any damage etc.

OP posts:
fitzwilliamdarcy · 08/04/2023 02:03

YANBU.

I can’t believe he suggested you move your stuff from your seat rather than stopping her from trampling on it. And just letting her try and make a bid for your dinner! All kids can be annoying but that’s why they come with parents, to stop them from doing it.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 02:08

Neverhappyalwayshopeful · 08/04/2023 01:46

Hubby thinks I'm being unreasonable.

We are parents to an 8 month old and almost 12 year old. This evening we went out for a quick dinner at Nando's. The eldest was at a play date so was just the 3 of us on a table for 4. The table next to us was a couple and a young child aged between 2 and 3. They had plenty of seating and a high chair available for the girl to use. They chose to all sit on the bench side of the table presumably to sit together. I was also sat on the bench side of our table with an empty seat next to me. I put my bag there. Hubby was sat opposite and our baby was in the pushchair in the space next to him as he can't sit in one of those wooden high chairs just yet.

The little girl from the table next to us was constantly walking along the bench, coming to our table, scraping a fork along the back wall and asking her parents for our food. My husband asked her parents and then offered her a snack from our sons snack box at one point to try and appease her. She didn't want that, she wanted our food. It made our meal really awkward. I didn't say anything rude but tried to politely diffuse the situation by engaging with her, making conversation back and also telling her that her dinner was at her table and her chips were waiting for her etc etc. A few minutes later, she was back again and this time was standing on my handbag which i had placed on the empty seat next to me (on our table). As I turned and saw this, the dad had the cheek to tell me that 'I may want to move my bag' as she is standing on it! Of course I did move it but to somehow phrase it as though I should move my belongings from a seat that belongs to our table when in fact his child was trampling on my handbag felt cheeky! It was a very expensive handbag too but even if it wasn't, I would have been just as annoyed. There wasn't even an apology!

Generally, I like to think that I'm not one of those parents who judges others or expects children to behave perfectly but this situation really annoyed me. I expected the parents to take some ownership of their child's behaviour and try to manage it. DH thinks it's just a case of a child behaving like a child and that the parents didn't do anything wrong. I couldn't imagine allowing my child to interrupt another family the way we were continually interrupted today. If the parents were trying and the girl was just being inquisitive, I genuinely wouldn't have minded. It's the lack of trying and no acknowledgment for the fact that we were being inconvenienced that is irritating. Even a simple, I'm so sorry she's going through a phase of blah blah blah.

AIBU for feeling/thinking as I am?

AIBU for feeling/thinking as I am?
Not in the least.

Why didn't you counter the "You might want to move your bag?" with "You might want to move your child?"

IrregularChoiceFan · 08/04/2023 02:11

You were much nicer about it than I would have been OP. Infact, I would have asked to be moved and if not possible would have left.

This isn't acceptable! My son is the same age, I would never let him go wondering about resturants interrupting strangers meals.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 02:15

I'd keep an eye on your dh when your own baby gets a bit older, op, if he thinks the parents did nothing wrong in allowing the child to do this unremarked.
You don't want to find yourselves being that family.

ShonaShoop · 08/04/2023 02:18

YANBU. Other peoples kids are a PITA. That’s why I choose not to go out to eat unless it’s in a child free restaurant.

WandaWonder · 08/04/2023 02:21

Sure our child has annoyed us over the years but they have always been told to sit a table

It is not safe for wait staff to have kids wandering around

Sure play in a play area or outside but in a table only restaurant the seats are there for a reason

IsolatedWilderness · 08/04/2023 02:23

A five year old does know better and can be corrected to learn to sit down when eating out. I'd just have told her when she nagged for food that her parents were taking care of her food so she should go ask them. I wouldn't be unkind to her but I don't go out to dinner to babysit other people's kids either.

itsthefinalcountdown1 · 08/04/2023 02:24

YABU
You should have asked the restaurant to move you, don't be a martyr. You've paid for a meal out, I wouldn't spend it babysitting someone else's child and then dwelling on it afterwards.

ShandaLear · 08/04/2023 02:47

I would have asked the parents to take the child back to her own table, and certainly wouldn’t have offered food. Yes, some kids are a PITA and that’s their parents fault for not looking after them and expecting others to entertain them.

Tourmalines · 08/04/2023 02:59

So the bench is actually for seating and she’s allowed to twaddle up and down and all over it in your space . Terrible behaviour, I would have found it bloody annoying too . Lax parents , feral kids !

FangedFrisbee · 08/04/2023 03:03

I'd have got up, taken the food and the wooden chicken thing and gone to another table.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 03:04

FangedFrisbee · 08/04/2023 03:03

I'd have got up, taken the food and the wooden chicken thing and gone to another table.

Op's dh was giving her snacks. She'd probably have followed them...

DrPrunesquallor · 08/04/2023 03:09

This is just rude behaviour from both the child and her parents.
I would have moved tables.
You had a night out and wanted to enjoy it.

Wetwag35 · 08/04/2023 03:14

I think you handled that really well. I hate going out to places with liars of kids or with kids that arnt my own for this very reason. My kid can equally be as disruptive but we try and limit the amount we eat out and the times we do also because they are at an age where they do stuff like this.
the problem is that it’s not the kids fault they are being a dick, it’s basically just a stage in their growing up which is a shame but that’s life. The parents should really know better, and parent a bit better, but sadly our society has past the point where one can criticise another’s parenting style publicly (except maybe on mumsnet) and do so in a way that doesn’t make you look like the bad guy. So overall well done but there isn’t anything more you can do about this situation or similar ones that come up in the future and to be fair you were in Nando’s

Timetosayno · 08/04/2023 03:15

YANBU. The child sounds like a brat and the parents needed to take control of their child. I wouldn't have even engaged with the child. I would have moved my plate across further away from the brat

emptythelitterbox · 08/04/2023 03:16

Rude behavior by the parents.

I would have told the child my food has poo poo in it so she couldn't have it and to go back to mom and dad as I tend to bite.
😂

WitheredandOld · 08/04/2023 03:18

You should have been much more direct. In a calm bit loud voice (loud enough for the parents to hear) - “No, stop asking for our food and go and eat your own.”

FangedFrisbee · 08/04/2023 03:22

@ReadersD1gest I'd have left him too!!

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 03:23

FangedFrisbee · 08/04/2023 03:22

@ReadersD1gest I'd have left him too!!

So would I 😂

Nicecow · 08/04/2023 03:25

ShonaShoop · 08/04/2023 02:18

YANBU. Other peoples kids are a PITA. That’s why I choose not to go out to eat unless it’s in a child free restaurant.

Yeah except children should be allowed anywhere according to mumsnet 🙄

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 03:53

Nicecow · 08/04/2023 03:25

Yeah except children should be allowed anywhere according to mumsnet 🙄

Show quote history

Some people aren't fit to be allowed out in public themselves, never mind their bloody kids.

waterproofed · 08/04/2023 04:18

OP, my DD was that child as a toddler. Jesus, it was mortifying. We’d be at a picnic, she’d completely ignore the deli smorgasbord I had lovingly prepared and bother perfect strangers asking for their ham sandwich.

I’d be on her like a rash, dragging her away while making apologetic noises to the family. ‘I’m so sorry, little Emily is on a lookout for a better family with nicer food. I’m sorry she’s targeted you, come along and leave these nice people to their lunch… etc.’

DD was not fit for a restaurant until about school age.

In your situation I’d have moved. It’s hardly rude to refuse to entertain other people’s children at a meal out.

ReadersD1gest · 08/04/2023 04:32

waterproofed · 08/04/2023 04:18

OP, my DD was that child as a toddler. Jesus, it was mortifying. We’d be at a picnic, she’d completely ignore the deli smorgasbord I had lovingly prepared and bother perfect strangers asking for their ham sandwich.

I’d be on her like a rash, dragging her away while making apologetic noises to the family. ‘I’m so sorry, little Emily is on a lookout for a better family with nicer food. I’m sorry she’s targeted you, come along and leave these nice people to their lunch… etc.’

DD was not fit for a restaurant until about school age.

In your situation I’d have moved. It’s hardly rude to refuse to entertain other people’s children at a meal out.

Nobody would have minded your child when they could see you weren't just sitting back and letting her at it.