Child in Nando's

[Neverhappyalwayshopeful]

Hubby thinks I'm being unreasonable.

We are parents to an 8 month old and almost 12 year old. This evening we went out for a quick dinner at Nando's. The eldest was at a play date so was just the 3 of us on a table for 4. The table next to us was a couple and a young child aged between 2 and 3. They had plenty of seating and a high chair available for the girl to use. They chose to all sit on the bench side of the table presumably to sit together. I was also sat on the bench side of our table with an empty seat next to me. I put my bag there. Hubby was sat opposite and our baby was in the pushchair in the space next to him as he can't sit in one of those wooden high chairs just yet.

The little girl from the table next to us was constantly walking along the bench, coming to our table, scraping a fork along the back wall and asking her parents for our food. My husband asked her parents and then offered her a snack from our sons snack box at one point to try and appease her. She didn't want that, she wanted our food. It made our meal really awkward. I didn't say anything rude but tried to politely diffuse the situation by engaging with her, making conversation back and also telling her that her dinner was at her table and her chips were waiting for her etc etc. A few minutes later, she was back again and this time was standing on my handbag which i had placed on the empty seat next to me (on our table). As I turned and saw this, the dad had the cheek to tell me that 'I may want to move my bag' as she is standing on it! Of course I did move it but to somehow phrase it as though I should move my belongings from a seat that belongs to our table when in fact his child was trampling on my handbag felt cheeky! It was a very expensive handbag too but even if it wasn't, I would have been just as annoyed. There wasn't even an apology!

Generally, I like to think that I'm not one of those parents who judges others or expects children to behave perfectly but this situation really annoyed me. I expected the parents to take some ownership of their child's behaviour and try to manage it. DH thinks it's just a case of a child behaving like a child and that the parents didn't do anything wrong. I couldn't imagine allowing my child to interrupt another family the way we were continually interrupted today. If the parents were trying and the girl was just being inquisitive, I genuinely wouldn't have minded. It's the lack of trying and no acknowledgment for the fact that we were being inconvenienced that is irritating. Even a simple, I'm so sorry she's going through a phase of blah blah blah.

AIBU for feeling/thinking as I am?

I'm interested in how you knew this woman's fellow-canoolder was a new boyfriend. Did they give you their relationship history between snogs?

You were very reasonable.

Years ago when I was a lot meeker than I am now we were eating ( in a much better quality restaurant than Nando’s) and a child was actually picking up the cutlery and throwing it at us. Luckily there were several tables between us. The restaurant had a dessert trolley - I said it was years ago - and the child got down from their table, wandered over to the dessert trolley and poked its evil little fingers into a rather good looking trifle. During all this time the father sat and ate his dinner without a word , in fairness the woman looked embarassed,but didn’t attempt to stop the child.

Clearly the only thing that has now changed in the Bad Parenting in a Restaurant guidelines is that fathers are now encouraged to get involved !

Hell's teeth!

Is that book still in print? GOOD!

I have a copy from the 80's. Excellent book.

OP, you encountered a brat in the making. Yet another entitles brat, brought up by crap parents, who will make everyone’s lives around her difficult. Unfortunately there are too many of these around. A deadly col hard stare usually does the trick, try not to get too friendly in these situations.

I really don't understand why so many women feel unable to assert themselves politely. It's such a better option than stewing in silence, making PA comments or telling someone to fuck off.

They were ignorant twats and you were too nice Op - Id have said "watch out, you're stood on my bag" at the very least and probably a pointed "ok, go and sit with your family now there's a good girl!"

It was revealed in the baby voiced banter within earshot. It would have been bloody convenient if I entertained an unknown kid belonging to strangers for a two hour journey when they should have been giving her the attention. If they were literally beside us then I might have had no choice but coming all the way across to our table. No thank you.

I agree but if they do they’re called all sorts - see thread about the ‘lady on holiday’.

I would have 100% told the child to go back to her table and if that didn’t work then asked the parents to do it (I’d have been polite).

I was a teen parent and my DD has autism and ADHD.
She has never acted like this and if she did I would at least look like I was trying to parent.

@Emotionalsupportviper the book - yes, oldie but goldie innit!

Bleugh! Sorry your ears had to endure that.

Did you shepherd the annoying kid back to their mother, or feel the need to just tolerate the intrusion, like OP?

The parents sound absolutely useless
'I may want to move my bag' as she is standing on it! " WTF

😀I did not stop her from participating in the game but we never said anything to her at all while she hovered over the table. On a different occasion, I might have involved her but we had almost missed our train and I had earmarked that time to relax and have a cup of tea while my DC happily got on with their activities. I still received personal insults from the mother and her boyfriend when she went back to them after ten minutes which I also ignored).

YANBU they should have controlled their child, it's selfish and annoying. This happens to us regularly and then my kids keep asking why they can't do what the other child is doing 🤔
I don't know if the pandemic has made people less thoughtful of others but our last 2 bowling trips have also been spoiled by having to field a toddler from another lane who was being watched to repeatedly interrupt our game by running in front of the lane we were in, horribly dangerous, one family didn't care the other was actively watching and didn't intervene despite being asked three times. We go out less now tbh after so many incidents, I think we are perhaps overly sensitive to other people now too but it definitely feels worse.

I would have asked to move tables. And made sure the parents heard. Honestly the child needs to learn to behave. The earlier the better!

I still received personal insults from the mother and her boyfriend when she went back to them after ten minutes which I also ignored).

Sounds like you made the wise choice then @Sudeko

The parents should be called up on it. There were two running amok like crazy the last time we went to Zizzi's. the dad was treating the occasion as a way to relax while they wrecked havoc all around the restaurant. His two year old knocked several glasses off another table which resulted in a lot of smashed glass and only then did he finish his glass of wine before trying to keep her seated.

Bad advice don't make sure the parents hear because if they aren't nice, they could kick off and it will spoil your evening.

Ask to move discretely. Think long term. Do you want to get into a row?

The last time I called a parent out on her child’s behaviour (she was sitting behind me on the bus and wiped her wet hands on my hair and hood of my coat), her mother called me a pathetic arsehole who likes “picking on kids”. She went on and on at me for what felt like half an hour but was probably only 5 minutes.

I don’t even bother with it anymore - I just ask to move tables or if not possible I leave. I just can’t be arsed dealing with the general standard of modern parenting. I don’t know if it’s Covid or what, but the majority of kids I see in public behave like they’re feral, and their parents don’t give a shit.

Eh? If they "kicked off" at being asked to parent their own child themselves, they should be asked to leave.
Do you really behave so cravenly in fear of other's reactions to you asserting yourself?

YANBU. But tbh I am normally firmer with the child as then the parents understand too. Sometimes people need someone to adult.

”no more now”
”time to sit down”
”get off”

@girlfriend44

this! I dread to think what terrible behaviour you must tolerate if you’re so scared of people “kicking off”

Hahahah this is nothing, I had a child come sit on my lap when I was breastfeeding and ask me why my boobie was so red.

I said time to sit with your own mum now and the mother went stoney faced like id punched the child. Had she continued I’d have said something else to the child about not talking to strangers. You can say most anything with a cold smile and dead eyes, and people will take it if they know they are wrong. It helps a bit that I look like an east end boxer at times. 🤣

oh and tourists once - a child smashed in to a waitresses legs at afternoon tea as she passed out table and she was carrying hot tea. I said “oh dear! Someone is about to get scarred for life aren’t they, hahaha” to the mum and the child was immediately sat down.

Good for you.

I suppose, because sometimes we can’t be bothered in a public place. And you only start thinking about it afterwards.