Child in Nando's

[Neverhappyalwayshopeful]

Hubby thinks I'm being unreasonable.

We are parents to an 8 month old and almost 12 year old. This evening we went out for a quick dinner at Nando's. The eldest was at a play date so was just the 3 of us on a table for 4. The table next to us was a couple and a young child aged between 2 and 3. They had plenty of seating and a high chair available for the girl to use. They chose to all sit on the bench side of the table presumably to sit together. I was also sat on the bench side of our table with an empty seat next to me. I put my bag there. Hubby was sat opposite and our baby was in the pushchair in the space next to him as he can't sit in one of those wooden high chairs just yet.

The little girl from the table next to us was constantly walking along the bench, coming to our table, scraping a fork along the back wall and asking her parents for our food. My husband asked her parents and then offered her a snack from our sons snack box at one point to try and appease her. She didn't want that, she wanted our food. It made our meal really awkward. I didn't say anything rude but tried to politely diffuse the situation by engaging with her, making conversation back and also telling her that her dinner was at her table and her chips were waiting for her etc etc. A few minutes later, she was back again and this time was standing on my handbag which i had placed on the empty seat next to me (on our table). As I turned and saw this, the dad had the cheek to tell me that 'I may want to move my bag' as she is standing on it! Of course I did move it but to somehow phrase it as though I should move my belongings from a seat that belongs to our table when in fact his child was trampling on my handbag felt cheeky! It was a very expensive handbag too but even if it wasn't, I would have been just as annoyed. There wasn't even an apology!

Generally, I like to think that I'm not one of those parents who judges others or expects children to behave perfectly but this situation really annoyed me. I expected the parents to take some ownership of their child's behaviour and try to manage it. DH thinks it's just a case of a child behaving like a child and that the parents didn't do anything wrong. I couldn't imagine allowing my child to interrupt another family the way we were continually interrupted today. If the parents were trying and the girl was just being inquisitive, I genuinely wouldn't have minded. It's the lack of trying and no acknowledgment for the fact that we were being inconvenienced that is irritating. Even a simple, I'm so sorry she's going through a phase of blah blah blah.

AIBU for feeling/thinking as I am?

Terrible behaviour by the parents, they should have been doing some parenting! I had a situation once with a couple and their young lad (maybe 4 years old) on a train once, where they decided to let him roam free in a similar way. They were on one set of four seats, and I was alone on the set of four seats across from them.

The little boy decided to sit on the seat opposite me and swing his legs repeatedly, kicking me each time. I looked across at them to see if they would tell him off at all for randomly kicking strange women, but they just smiled at me in a 'boys will be boys' kind of way. I moved slightly to stop his legs making contact, but he moved too and kept swinging his legs so that he was still kicking.

I'm afraid that in the absence of any parenting from his actual parents, I leaned over and firmly asked him to stop kicking me please. He ran over to his parents and rather than them telling him he shouldn't have done that and to apologise to me, they all looked at me like I was a terrible person for not indulgently letting him carry on kicking me.

I've got two boys (now very lovely teenagers, one off to uni soon) and know they can be a handful, but what is it that makes parents put their child's rights over anyone else's? I'd never have let them harrass random strangers like that!

In all honesty I didn't consider moving as an option as the restaurant was full. There was a very long queue of people waiting for tables yesterday. I thought by directing the girl back to her table and politely reminding her of her own food at her table with her parents was essentially trying to put in boundaries and make it clear that her place was back at her table not ours. My DH offered her a snack from our sons snack box because she was reaching for the chips on my mains plate whilst we were still eating our starters. I moved my bag because it was a £5k bag and she was stood on it much to my horror! I'm not pretentious about my handbags but being stood on is simply not ok. I suppose I was a little too tolerant and should have been firmer. I suppose in this day and age I worry about saying the wrong thing to the wrong person as you never know what the repercussions could be. I wrote a post on here to settle the difference of opinion between DH and I about whether the parents were out of order. DH wouldn't let our own children behave that way. He's just very tolerant and patient with other people. 😬

I'd have said something when she started wanting our food!! And what on earth was the OPs husband doing offerong her a snack!!

(I know he asked the parents, but it was just encouraging her to pester more)

I disagree. From the first time you take a small child into a restaurant you can be teaching them to sit still in their own place, and that disturbing other people is a definite No.

I should probably also say, his first response wasn't to offer a snack - it was after I'd reminded her about her own food, tried to encourage her back to her own table and after she had said she didn't want that. She'd been back a few times so he thought offering her a snack would keep her busy and away from our table. If it had worked, I'd have happily let her parents have the contents of his snack box so we could have had our meal in peace.

Seems a bit strong, given the thread

You needed to be more firm. She came over and started trying to steal chips? Just move the chips away and tell her firmly to go back to her table. At this point I’d be looking at the parents so they could get involved. Then she wouldn’t have stood on your handbag. It’s your DH’s fault for engaging and giving her food.

You were much nicer than I would have been! I would have spoken to the parents as soon as she starting asking for food. I then would have ignored anything she said from that point on!

You have more patience than me. I would have shut the child down politely from the very beginning. The bag incidence wouldn’t have happened as I’d have said something way before. I certainly wouldn’t have been encouraging her by offering food.

This sounds horrendous and totally unacceptable behaviour in a restaurant....even Nando's. I would have used my teacher voice to tell the Dad to remove his child so I could enjoy my meal. Failing that I

I didn’t really understand it, but it sounds rather as if, by saying make full use of ‘emphatic "old timey" English’, she is advocating telling the child to fuck off. A bit full on.

You were both far too nice about it, if you give parents like this an inch they'll take a mile. The parents probably thought you were loving the interaction with their perfect little princess because the pair of you were so polite, offering her food etc.

I'm all for being nice to random dc in public, but if they are annoying me and their parents are doing nothing then the niceness stops. In your position I probably would have repeated "you need to go back to your table please" with a pissed off look on my face every time she came over. If the parents are doing their best to put a stop to it then I'll be much nicer and more understanding but I can't stand lazy parents who don't bother to deal with their dc's behaviour when it's impacting on others.

I'm not saying it's the child's fault. As a parent myself, I wouldn't have allowed my child to behave that way. I don't know about you but I plan for things like that in the sense that, I've always taken small toys, snacks and other things for distraction out with us so that if our child was unsettled or behaving differently to what they usually do, we have options. As a last resort, we would probably have taken it in turns to eat whilst the other parent entertained our little one or have asked for a pack up and taken our food home. We wouldn't let our child annoy the people next to us whilst we sat enjoying our meal. Like I say, my issue was that the parents weren't even trying or slightly apologetic in any way.

YANBU.

My two year old has never behaved like that in a restaurant and if he did and didn’t respond to our efforts to get him to sit m, est and behave, we would leave.

Some people have no respect for people’s property. I’d be fuming about my handbag. I’ve finally got to the point where I have been able to treat myself to an expensive (to me) leather bag and I would not appreciated it being trampled on but I’m not going to not use nice things because others can’t control their kids!

I would never have let my kids behave like that. They would never have done so anyway. I think you were both more tolerant than I would have been.

People should control their dogs and kids and not let them annoy others.

You arnt unreasonable
I actually don't like going out to eat anymore because people just let their kids ruin others experience it's horrible. Last time we went to Nando's the parents sat their kids down on the table next to us and they went and sat on a different table. All four of these kids had either a ipad or a phone and were playing different things very loudly. The noise was awful. Who does that ? Who thinks this is ok ? They weren't bothering their parents they were bothering us. People are just so rude and entitled these days it's a waste of money going out.

YANBU

I'd be really irritated by this!!
Not at the child but 100% at the parents.
They should have removed their child from your table and apologised, make them sit down or if they couldn't they should have left.

Ooh you’re NBU at all.

Back in the day I’d have taken the polite, softly softly approach.

These days I’d have replied to the dad “or perhaps you’d like to remove your child and parent her so we can enjoy our meal in peace”…but I’m a cranky menopausal old bag who gives no fucks so…🤷🏼‍♀️

The words ‘no’ ‘ go away ‘ and ‘ get off ‘ spring to mind
especially NO as it would appear it’s a word she’s not heard before

you’re much nicer than I would have been

She shouldn't have been pestering you and certainly not standing on the seat at your table even without your bag being there. The parents should have intervened - not harshly, but firmly and effectively - as soon as they noticed.

Not sure why your husband's having a go at you; it doesn't sound like you DID anything except very mildly express disapproval of an unacceptable situation - why does that bother him? He may be "tolerant" of everyone else but he doesn't come across as very tolerant about you asserting your very reasonable boundaries.

The parents were so rude and entitled. I'd have moved elsewhere if there was space. Why don't some people realise we don't want to have their brats inflicted on us. I would be mortified if I let my toddler ruin someone's lunch like that.

YWBU not to have said anything and the child's parents WBU not to have managed their child. Any child standing on my possessions would be a child swiftly returned to the ground.

I agree OP. My kids won't sit still for long and are social - I suspect sen like my own- however I do try. I do set boundaries and explain that people may not want them to talk to them etc. Often people say they don't mind and then thats on them. But I do think its rude to not even attempt to intervene as a parent. Especially when not everyone can afford meals out all the time and it could be a saved for special occasion you're ruining.

You beat me to it!

We have signs everywhere saying “Don’t feed the birds” as it encourages antisocial behaviour. Your husband fostered that one by feeding the beast. I would have just asked the parents if they wouldn’t mind taking her back to their table now so we could eat in peace.