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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child in Nando's

240 replies

Neverhappyalwayshopeful · 08/04/2023 01:46

Hubby thinks I'm being unreasonable.

We are parents to an 8 month old and almost 12 year old. This evening we went out for a quick dinner at Nando's. The eldest was at a play date so was just the 3 of us on a table for 4. The table next to us was a couple and a young child aged between 2 and 3. They had plenty of seating and a high chair available for the girl to use. They chose to all sit on the bench side of the table presumably to sit together. I was also sat on the bench side of our table with an empty seat next to me. I put my bag there. Hubby was sat opposite and our baby was in the pushchair in the space next to him as he can't sit in one of those wooden high chairs just yet.

The little girl from the table next to us was constantly walking along the bench, coming to our table, scraping a fork along the back wall and asking her parents for our food. My husband asked her parents and then offered her a snack from our sons snack box at one point to try and appease her. She didn't want that, she wanted our food. It made our meal really awkward. I didn't say anything rude but tried to politely diffuse the situation by engaging with her, making conversation back and also telling her that her dinner was at her table and her chips were waiting for her etc etc. A few minutes later, she was back again and this time was standing on my handbag which i had placed on the empty seat next to me (on our table). As I turned and saw this, the dad had the cheek to tell me that 'I may want to move my bag' as she is standing on it! Of course I did move it but to somehow phrase it as though I should move my belongings from a seat that belongs to our table when in fact his child was trampling on my handbag felt cheeky! It was a very expensive handbag too but even if it wasn't, I would have been just as annoyed. There wasn't even an apology!

Generally, I like to think that I'm not one of those parents who judges others or expects children to behave perfectly but this situation really annoyed me. I expected the parents to take some ownership of their child's behaviour and try to manage it. DH thinks it's just a case of a child behaving like a child and that the parents didn't do anything wrong. I couldn't imagine allowing my child to interrupt another family the way we were continually interrupted today. If the parents were trying and the girl was just being inquisitive, I genuinely wouldn't have minded. It's the lack of trying and no acknowledgment for the fact that we were being inconvenienced that is irritating. Even a simple, I'm so sorry she's going through a phase of blah blah blah.

AIBU for feeling/thinking as I am?

OP posts:
PsychoHotSauce · 08/04/2023 04:39

waterproofed · 08/04/2023 04:18

OP, my DD was that child as a toddler. Jesus, it was mortifying. We’d be at a picnic, she’d completely ignore the deli smorgasbord I had lovingly prepared and bother perfect strangers asking for their ham sandwich.

I’d be on her like a rash, dragging her away while making apologetic noises to the family. ‘I’m so sorry, little Emily is on a lookout for a better family with nicer food. I’m sorry she’s targeted you, come along and leave these nice people to their lunch… etc.’

DD was not fit for a restaurant until about school age.

In your situation I’d have moved. It’s hardly rude to refuse to entertain other people’s children at a meal out.

See, that's funny, and kids being kids Grin I don't get pissed off at kids behaviour, but lazy, indulgent parenting like in the OP winds me up no end!!

ananass · 08/04/2023 04:58

YANBU, I had similar in Pizza Express, was with DH and trying to have a discussion, with me sitting on the long bench and him opposite, and there was a group of mums and children in the large table near us.

One of the little girls was climbing the bench and the large board behind the bench, and often was sat behind me, nudging my hair with her shoes touching me too. No idea who was the mum, they all just looked on.

Wish I’d asked to move tables or asked them to manage the child.

evuscha · 08/04/2023 05:19

YANBU, I have a toddler too but I would be mortified if she did that to someone! Unfortunately I know this kind of parents too well, the kind that’s completely oblivious to the fact that not everyone finds the annoying stuff their child does adorable.

oneanddon · 08/04/2023 05:21

@ananass

Similar happened to me the other week in a cafe but I thought it was sweet and engaged with the child. This personally wouldn't bother me very much, if it did I would ask to move tables.

Our local chain restaurants like Nandos, Pizza express, are full of kids, if am not in the mood for that kind of atmosphere, I go elsewhere.

Zanatdy · 08/04/2023 05:22

I find it really annoying when parents allow their child to annoy people in restaurants who are eating or just trying to enjoy a private chat. I’d never have allowed my child to do that, and thankfully never had it happen to me. But the parents were very unreasonable

TommyNever · 08/04/2023 05:24

"As I turned and saw this, the dad had the cheek to tell me that 'I may want to move my bag' as she is standing on it!"

I would have asked the dad: "Would you like to take control of your child, or would you prefer a punch in the face?"

But then I'm rather hot-tempered at times.
😂

ananass · 08/04/2023 05:31

oneanddon · 08/04/2023 05:21

@ananass

Similar happened to me the other week in a cafe but I thought it was sweet and engaged with the child. This personally wouldn't bother me very much, if it did I would ask to move tables.

Our local chain restaurants like Nandos, Pizza express, are full of kids, if am not in the mood for that kind of atmosphere, I go elsewhere.

No, I didn’t find having some random child’s feet touching my clothes sweet Hmm

It’s not about the atmosphere, is it? No one has said that. It’s about people not managing their own children to the point they’re touching strangers and standing on the OP’s handbag.

And yet I should go elsewhere. Hmm

Dinkied · 08/04/2023 05:36

You are far too tolerant! No way would I put up with that shit, either from my own children or other peoples. Ug!

lunar1 · 08/04/2023 06:09

I'd have asked to be moved, you were far too polite.

takealettermsjones · 08/04/2023 06:18

YANBU at all. My toddler is that age and while she hasn't asked for anyone else's food yet, I wouldn't put it past her (she nicks mine all the time lol). I would absolutely tell her no and move her. Kids need to learn that not everything is theirs for the taking.

But lots of people seem to think you can't possibly say no to a cute little kid. I've had people aghast at me for telling my own child that no she can't run on someone's lawn, ride someone else's bike on the park, etc. But after the first few times she understood, and would often tell me, "that's not ours" etc. They just need teaching.

Teateaandmoretea · 08/04/2023 06:22

Yeah except children should be allowed anywhere according to mumsnet

Nope, the opposite is true sadly.

YANBU re the child/ parents but YABU to start yet another bloody thread on here about kids in restaurants.

Teateaandmoretea · 08/04/2023 06:23

I would have asked the dad: "Would you like to take control of your child, or would you prefer a punch in the face?"

You sound utterly revolting.

TommyNever · 08/04/2023 06:36

Have a cup of tea love, settle you nerves.

😜

TommyNever · 08/04/2023 06:38

Teateaandmoretea · 08/04/2023 06:23

I would have asked the dad: "Would you like to take control of your child, or would you prefer a punch in the face?"

You sound utterly revolting.

Have a cup of tea love, settle your nerves.

😎

SoggyPigeon · 08/04/2023 06:42

You can be nice but still firm you know.

Slitherie · 08/04/2023 06:44

I would have completely ignored her and made it obvious to the parents that I was getting pissed off. And no way would I have moved my bag - I would have suggested to her that if she carries on climbing on it she may fall and hurt herself

Slitherie · 08/04/2023 06:45

TommyNever · 08/04/2023 05:24

"As I turned and saw this, the dad had the cheek to tell me that 'I may want to move my bag' as she is standing on it!"

I would have asked the dad: "Would you like to take control of your child, or would you prefer a punch in the face?"

But then I'm rather hot-tempered at times.
😂

Or you could have done this … might have had a better effect 😂

MissyB1 · 08/04/2023 06:46

I definitely wouldn’t have moved my bag! I would have said to the child “you must not stand on my bag, go back to your mum and dad now please!” And I would have said it in a loud stern voice. Your Dh needs to be careful about encouraging that kind of behaviour.

Shoxfordian · 08/04/2023 06:54

Yanbu; the parents need to do some actual parenting and stop their child annoying other people

IfYouDontAsk · 08/04/2023 06:57

Urgh some parents are all too happy to offload their kids on to other people in cafes and restaurants and rely on people being too polite to say anything.

Id either ask the restaurant staff to move you or id say loudly “off you go back to mummy and daddy now, I want to enjoy my food”. And if they still didn’t take the hint I’d go and speak to the parents and say I wanted to be left in peace. No doubt you’d then have to listen to all the huffing from the affronted parents about “some people…kids just aren’t allowed to be kids today…grumpy woman…” etc etc but I can’t say that I’d care.

CouchToOuch · 08/04/2023 06:57

I have a 3 year old, and absolutely would not allow them to disrupt somebody else's meal, nor would I expect to have my meal ruined by someone else's child. YANBU

HubertTheGoat · 08/04/2023 06:59

Timetosayno · 08/04/2023 03:15

YANBU. The child sounds like a brat and the parents needed to take control of their child. I wouldn't have even engaged with the child. I would have moved my plate across further away from the brat

She was two! And no one corrected her, including the OP (not that it's her job). In fact, all the talking that OP and her husband did (which I know was to be kind) would have encouraged the two year old to keep engaging. Hardly her fault - her parents haven't taught her any better.

Happyhappyeveryday · 08/04/2023 07:02

Zanatdy · 08/04/2023 05:22

I find it really annoying when parents allow their child to annoy people in restaurants who are eating or just trying to enjoy a private chat. I’d never have allowed my child to do that, and thankfully never had it happen to me. But the parents were very unreasonable

Absolutely this! I don’t understand why some people ignore their child’s bad behaviour, with a ‘Oh, they’re just a kid,’ excuse. That’s how they grow into rude, selfish, undisciplined monsters.

Teateaandmoretea · 08/04/2023 07:08

Hardly her fault - her parents haven't taught her any better.

As you said, she’s 2. You can’t teach 2 year olds table manners for them to apply to new situations you can only control what they are doing at that point.

rainbowstardrops · 08/04/2023 07:11

MissyB1 · 08/04/2023 06:46

I definitely wouldn’t have moved my bag! I would have said to the child “you must not stand on my bag, go back to your mum and dad now please!” And I would have said it in a loud stern voice. Your Dh needs to be careful about encouraging that kind of behaviour.

This would have been my response too! The parents would definitely know that I was pissed off but why on earth did your DH encourage her by giving her your child's snack?!!!