To feel embarrassed that we can’t afford to buy a property?

[Foreveraskingquestions]

Since me and DH have been together buying a property has never really been in our interest. We had money at the start but we wasn’t bothered as rent was fairly cheap back then and our priority really was just having fun and going on holidays.

Luckily our current property is HA and it is dirt cheap but we are now leaving and going into private rent. Our rent is now going to be 1k I never imagined spending that much on rent but it’s a beautiful home and it gives our kids the space they need to blossom.

FIL was gobsmacked about how much rent were going to be paying and said how it’s dead money. It’s obviously got into DH head and now he thinks we’re “failures”. Everyone in his family has brought their properties we are the only ones that haven’t.

AIBU to think we’re not failures? He said his family are probably laughing at us.

I don’t know how we would ever be able to buy a place in our area. Maybe if we moved up north!

Not failures no but there would be more security for your children if you owned, or even had you stayed in the HA place, rather than moving into the private rented sector. When we rented whilst saving to buy (which took a decade) I was always in fear of the landlord selling up and the palaver of finding somewhere else, a stressful thought with children involved and enrolled at schools etc.

And so many have no choice- we aren’t really ‘successful’ property owners ourselves as we only managed to buy a flat in a bit of a rubbish area- but it sounds like you did have the option at the start but had different priorities.

You're not failures, how can you be if you're providing a house for your family to live in, it doesn't matter whether you do that by renting or buying. Our financial circumstances change throughout our lives so you may be in a position to buy in years to come

Why would family laugh at you? I have family members who rent as well as others who own property, I don't really give it a second thought.

Would you not be able to keep the council house and then save rhe additional rent money and get a deposit?

YABU.

Initially it seems you prioritised holiday and days out.

Then you've lost a stable roof over your kids head, again for lifestyle reasons. It probably would have been better to stay for a little longer in the HA property and saved hard.

You arent failures, but you are in an unstable financial situation and at risk from future cost of living increases, especially if rents keep increasing.

It's up to if you want to try and get a safety net in place for yourself,.but it will require sacrifices.

Your father in law probably bought a property when it was much cheaper and doesn't realise how much mortgages are for new buyers these days. Obviously it's still cheaper than renting in most cases but not much cheaper at all.

Are you leaving the HA property because you want to? If you don’t have to leave, I’d stay and save, either as a nest egg for the future, or a deposit eventually.

In your shoes I'd stick with the HA property, save the difference in rent & either try to exchange for a bigger place or buy part of a shared ownership property - but I've experienced being evicted (no fault of ours, my mum rented our home for 19 years but the landlord decided to sell) so I place a lot of value on housing security.

Ultimately its your life, your decision and your priorities (which can be whatever you choose) and the opinion of others - family ir strangers in the Internet - don't really matter.

I was under the impression from MN that HA properties were the holy grail of housing. Can I ask why you gave it up? Do you live in an area where it’s easy to get another ?

Also interested in knowing why you're leaving a HA property?

Well, you missed your window for home ownership because you prioritised having holidays. That's fine, your choice.

And then you gave up a cheap, secure tenancy to live somewhere beautiful at £12k/year. That's fine, your choice.

But it's hardly surprising that your fil is concerned that you don't have an eye to the future when you make financial decisions.

Struggling to imagine what sort of person would 'laugh' at a relative's living/financial arrangements.

Can't you stay in the HA property and save?

Luckily our current property is HA and it is dirt cheap but we are now leaving and going into private rent.

Is there a choice there - because staying put and saving a deposit to buy later would give the kids long term security.

It's not just high rents in private rentals it's lack of security - landlords deciding to sell or raise the rents.

My IL refused to believe how much we'd saved for house deposit - which was needed to buy in a cheaper part of UK - it was about what they paid for their entire house. We were a decade later getting a house and then then it's why haven't you paid it off already we were mortgage free by early 40s - .

Why would you be embarrassed about being a low earner OP - I think that’s insulting.
I am a TA and a (very!) low earner but I don’t view my worth as being linked to my income. I am never going to be embarrassed by my wages, education level etc.

You made choices, so own those choices.

I definitely made the mistake of moving out far too young and spending too much on rent compared to salary. £900-£1100 on rent for 15 years now (Zone 3-zone 6 London)

I now finally have a decent job and could save for a deposit but we have made the decision to prioritise travelling and days out for the next couple of years and then start saving. We want to do things with the kids now they are old enough to remember it. We have booked 4 holidays for this year and plenty of experiences for us. I don't see us as failures. Just different priorities. We will save and then move out of London when the kids are older to get more for our money but I want to enjoy life right now instead of saving every penny!

Why on earth are you moving?

When you say you could have bought but it wasn't in your interest, I don't really understand. How could it not be in your long term interest, if you could have done it?

Why would you leave a cheap HA property, lose security and pay more for a private rental when you could just stay there and save for a house deposit, or at least invest the money for a more comfortable retirement?

Without owning obviously you will always have to pay rent until you die. How does moving into a private rental factor in with your retirement savings, do you have very large pension pots so you will be able to afford rents that will continue to rise with inflation when you are too old to work?

It doesn't sound like there's been much long-term planning going on so your FIL's concerns sound justified, unless there is a drip feed to come about a huge trust fund or inheritance or lottery win. 🤣

You'd never be able to save for a deposit if you move into rental. Please say you haven't given up the HA home? You'd have the chance to safe if you stay put.

*save

You chose having fun and going on holiday rather than saving for a house. That is fine and it does not make you failures but it does make your housing situation less secure and probably will cost you more in the long run. It is not a choice I would have made though but it is not a measure of success and I don't suppose anyone is laughing at you. Own your choices though.

The UK is weird about home ownership. Plenty of families - particularly in Europe - don't own property and never will. Don't see why it even matters tbh, and it certainly isn't anyone else's business.

You aren't failures but you are making lots of short-term decisions that can affect you longer term. Moving from a HA property to a privately rented one isn't wise if you want stability. At any point you can be asked to leave now, or your rent can increase by more than you can afford. This can be OK if you haven't got kids who would like to stay in their schools etc because you can just move to a cheaper area or a smaller property.

Do you have room to save now that you are going to be living in a more expensive home? If so, focus on that to make sure you have options if push comes to shove.

I think in a lot of Europe the rental market is more protected and you can't just get evicted even if you behave and pay rent. At least not in the country I'm in. With private rentals in the UK it's up to the landlord if they want you out or not and it can be for any reason.

We would love to stay in housing association but we just can’t take it anymore. 5 of us living in a tiny 2 bed new build. It’s having a huge effect on my mental health too.We have savings but not enough for a big deposit.