To feel embarrassed that we can’t afford to buy a property?

[Foreveraskingquestions]

Since me and DH have been together buying a property has never really been in our interest. We had money at the start but we wasn’t bothered as rent was fairly cheap back then and our priority really was just having fun and going on holidays.

Luckily our current property is HA and it is dirt cheap but we are now leaving and going into private rent. Our rent is now going to be 1k I never imagined spending that much on rent but it’s a beautiful home and it gives our kids the space they need to blossom.

FIL was gobsmacked about how much rent were going to be paying and said how it’s dead money. It’s obviously got into DH head and now he thinks we’re “failures”. Everyone in his family has brought their properties we are the only ones that haven’t.

AIBU to think we’re not failures? He said his family are probably laughing at us.

I don’t know how we would ever be able to buy a place in our area. Maybe if we moved up north!

I know you're overcrowded and that's very uncomfortable but I would be very reluctant to give up your HA property in the current market. Rent will increase 5 or 10 per cent year on year with landlords leaving the market meaning you're looking at £1.5k for the same house by the time you're ready to buy. Little to no protection so you're likely to be moved on anyway if you can't meet the rent increase - and that may mean moving schools etc. most private tenants now move at least every 2 years, with all the associated costs.
Stay put til you can buy and keep pushing for a swap or rehouse

Op why not have a single bed and a set of bunks for the kids in one room

Or you and DH on a sofa bed in the living room

Growing up I knew a family of 5 kids in a 3 bedroom house, the 4 boys shared 2 double beds.
I also knew a family of 3 girls in on room - 2 in a double bed, 1 in a foldup they all hated their week in the foldup as they needed to get up first.

You have options other than throwing money at a private rent.

I don't think you are a failure op, choosing to make memories when you were younger is a valid choice, however I do think it is quite daft to give up your HA tenancy, I wouldn't reccomend that at all.

@stairgates yes I’m in all the groups, I’ve spoken to a few people but they always say they’re looking for something bigger.

@Lifeisnotfair4 We get a very small amount from UC which doesn’t cover much, about £180 a month I believe.

I can't understand why you're giving up your secure,cheaper HA tenancy to pay 12 K a year in private rent (from taxed income).

It would make more sense to stay put with cheaper rent and save the difference.

So they could afford to save money and fund their own home but they "prefer" to have the taxpayer fund their home for them when they don't need it?

Bloody hell. That's disgraceful.

Not always cheaper. We pay 1500 rent martgage would be over 3k on the same property. I do t feel.a failure. We love the freedom of renting

I think we are all missing the point if UC is going to foot the increase in rent anyway. If this is the case then the risk to OP financially is minimized however OP is going to be at the mercy of the private rental market which is cutthroat compared to the HA property. Not sure if UC is going to cover any of the increased rent as OP hasn’t responded to that question specifically.

You made irresponsible choices in the past and you still are. Keep the HA property and look on po trust for small home ideas. People live in one bed flats with 3 dc you just need to use your space effectively.

Renting isnt as secure in the UK as it is on the mainland.

You aren't failures but you have to live by the choices you made.

You made the decision to priorities holidays and having a good time, which is fine, but you cant have it both ways.

Plus you can’t save more than 16k if you are on UC housing benefit can you? I’m not sure.

It’s not just that we set up our business in November which has finally started to take off and we just don’t have the room for all our stock either unless we were to rent a storage unit. But then that’s an extra payment.

Yes, I think you should feel embarrassed that you chose to throw your money away on travel and 'fun', and now you're out of savings and can't afford a secure house for your kids. That wasn't very sensible.

Used to rent a one bed flat for £1100. And that was on the low side for the area (greater London). I’ve had one shitty landlord that was a complete nightmare but our last landlord was an absolute G. His ‘day’ job was a mortgage broker & he helped us buy our house.

Most definitely not failures. I’ve owned and am now in a HA home. I’ll not be able to buy again. This is the reality for very many.

Who said we are out of savings? We don’t have enough to buy a 4 bedroom house in our area. We still have savings!

Well, in your own words, you prioritised "travel and having fun" over buying a house. I don't know why you think that makes you a failure. I presume you enjoyed travelling and having fun, after all.

But your choices now don't really make much sense to me. You had an HA property and chose to make yourselves overcrowded by having another baby - and now instead of staying put and saving hard for a mortgage, you're choosing to move out and make things 10x harder by spending 1k a month on rent?!

Personally, there's no way I would give up an HA property - you'll never get another and you may now find yourself stuck in private rental for life as rents are only going to keep increasing.

Uncalled for.

How do you imagine your retirement will be? Will you be able to afford the rent then?

People that rent are absolutely not failures, it’s an equally valid way to live, but it does smack a little of poor planning and prioritising if you don’t have a retirement plan. We all make different choices though. I bought straight out of uni as couldn’t stand the thought of not having my own place-so I had no money or holidays. It’s all a choice.

I wouldn’t want to be at the mercy of private rental market on a pension though.

Tell me you're paying as much money as possible into your pensions, OP. Because how are you going to pay rent when you retire? Or are you expecting to inherit from your DH's family?

We live in a very strange world where worth is frequently judged by property ownership.

I know plenty of people who own massive properties but are miserable, unhappy or just horrible people.

Personally it means very little to me as long as you have a secure and happy home, that's all that matters isn't it?

FIL hasn’t called you failures just expressed view £12,000 a year from net is a huge chunk to pay in rent. Which it is. Plus instability of private rental.
You obviously made decisions you did not to buy when you could. It was your choice. You presumably could have bought then but chose not to.
If I was FIL I’d think you were making a bad decision leaving an affordable HA house. Yes it’s small but it’s affordable and secure.

Who said we are out of savings? We don’t have enough to buy a 4 bedroom house in our area. We still have savings!

But why would that be the only option? Very few people would buy a 4 bedroom house for their first property. There must be houses for sale larger than the one you currently have that would be more realistically affordable to save a deposit for.

Can I just add that, as someone with Dutch family, the old ,’on the continent everyone rents’ is very outdated now. Because laws were so tight on rentals, they became almost impossible to get. Some people were on the housing list for 10-20 years.

There was a huge move to home ownership in the 80s and 90s and all my friends, cousins, nieces and nephews own. There are tax implications around paying off your mortgage but home ownership is common. In fact it’s around 65-70% - almost the same as it is here. France is almost identical, Spain is higher at about 75%. Germany is lower at about 50%.

All this suggests that most people feel home ownership is a priority - for good reason?