To feel embarrassed that we can’t afford to buy a property?

[Foreveraskingquestions]

Since me and DH have been together buying a property has never really been in our interest. We had money at the start but we wasn’t bothered as rent was fairly cheap back then and our priority really was just having fun and going on holidays.

Luckily our current property is HA and it is dirt cheap but we are now leaving and going into private rent. Our rent is now going to be 1k I never imagined spending that much on rent but it’s a beautiful home and it gives our kids the space they need to blossom.

FIL was gobsmacked about how much rent were going to be paying and said how it’s dead money. It’s obviously got into DH head and now he thinks we’re “failures”. Everyone in his family has brought their properties we are the only ones that haven’t.

AIBU to think we’re not failures? He said his family are probably laughing at us.

I don’t know how we would ever be able to buy a place in our area. Maybe if we moved up north!

I think it’s a much more a UK thing to think of renting as failing but in Europe, renting is much more common and not frowned upon.

You are where you are - you’re making ch ages for your children and surely that’s what life is all about. Fortunes change over time and you might one be able to afford a house.

Dont be hard on yourselves that’s for sure!
If you feel better and want to feel a bit more secure, make a plan for the future - once you’ve moved into the new house, if you can, try and save up a deposit to begin with and see where it leads you.

You are not a failure. There are consequences to the decisions you made years ago. We made different choices, got on the property ladder but had very little furniture (no sofa for 4 years for instance, we just moved the two kitchen chairs to the tv room), no holidays abroad, one 12 year old car, and no children until we could afford it as we saw it. Did we have a lot of fun in those days, not really but we were young and had plans. Now we are planning to pay off our mortgage this year (both aged 56), have put money into our ISAs every year, have set up ISAs for the 2 kids, and will certainly retire before 60. Maybe it’s time to sit down and look at your budget and see what you can do in the next 5 - 10 years.

I dont think anyone is a failure or should be embarrassed for now buying a home. £1k rent when you won't get any return on it is wild though and highlights how unfair the rental system is.

When you were spending not saving, did you never think about the comparison between renting and owning? Too many people don't realize that when you're retired, with little to no income you'll still have to pay rent. With a mortgage you'll have a home that is paid for , no monthly mortgage payment.

I look at it like this, with renting , you are literally putting money in someone else's bank account that you'll never see again.

It's okay to rent instead of buy a property. Everyone's financial situation is different and what's best for one person may not be best for another. Renting can be a good option and it's important to focus on what is best for you and your family. Don't let others' opinions make you feel like a failure. Do what is best for your family and what makes you happy.

I understand that you feel the current house is too small but I would stay there. £1k a month is alot of rent and is it sustainable?

If you are young enough you could get a mortgage with a 10% deposit. And interest free to get you in.

Hey op, do you think you could stick out the HA place for a year and save the difference in rent? You might then have a deposit together which would give you so much more control over your life.

I never understand why people on these threads always compare our attitude to renting in this country to Europe as though that is somehow helpful. The rental market in other countries cannot be compared to the UK; tenancies are secure and long term. The tenant is able to treat the rental property as their own home. There is far more regulation over rent costs.

The reality in this county is that if you don’t buy somewhere you are screwed when it comes to retirement.

OP is not a failure for not being able to afford a house. Houses are expensive and wages are not high enough relative to the cost of housing to make it accessible for a large number of people. However she has made decisions that have impacted on her ability to provide secure housing to her family now, and herself in the future. If you were my loved one, I too would be urging you to reconsider your options to allow you to be able to be in a position to be able to get onto the property ladder, which is likely to mean short term pain for long term gain.

Of course whether or not £1k is a reasonable amount to pay in rent depends on what your income is?

Not failures at all. I do agree with him that its dead money but that's your choice not his. If you are happy renting for your days then so be it. If you want something to show at the end of it then it's a case of looking at how you can buy instead.

But it's not a failure, its a choice. We are buying our house basically to leave to the kids. The kids who will be just fine without inheriting a house. The only added benefit while we are here is that it's security rather than being kicked out of rented because the LL wants to sell.

Work out how much could you afford for your rent to increase in the future? Save this towards a deposit. I’m presuming you are going to receive UC help towards the rent too? You are putting yourselves in a precarious situation compared to your HA property however, if your MH is suffering because of the cramped conditions it’s a risk I would take. Good luck and you are not a failure so stop thinking like this.

@Clementine2377 that’s very kind of you to say, thank you.

when I met DH we had about 30K in savings all together. I already had a son and lived at my mums. I didn’t think I’d ever have any more kids to be honest. We just travelled and had fun never thought about buying a house together.

I know we will buy a house eventually but it won’t be for another 5+ years unless the market crashes!

Not failures at all. When mortgages were really easy to get in our 20s, dh and I didn't want to have a mortgage together. Then were were saving up for a deposit and now it feels like we will be saving for ever. I don't know anyone who hasn't had help from their parents to allow them to buy.

It isn't dead money; you've spent it on an essential for life. Safe housing. Food and heating are also dead money if you're going to look at it like that.

It's not invested money, and it hasn't gone towards an asset. But housing shouldn't be seen as a means for profit anyway.

I wouldn’t say you’re “failures”. However, if you were someone I knew I’d be questioning your decision-making skills as it sounds like you’ve prioritised the wrong things.

Are you a failure, no, would I try to do everything I could now (including staying in the current property and saving money like mad) to buy a house, absolutely. Renting with kids is not great, your proposed set up sounds possibly better but the reason people rent abroad is because they have much more security of tenure- in most cases, they can’t be evicted easily whereas in the uk under most leases you can be given very short term notice to leave. This is especially a nightmare if you’ve got kids in school and/ or pets and private rentals are getting more and more expensive. Also as others have said where are you going to live when you retire? I would be even more worried at that point personally. Could you not re-jig your current place, so all the kids share for a bit or you move into the lounge, work/ save as much as you can for a year and then buy somewhere? Honestly it may be your best chance- if you end up spending all your money on rent you may never get out of the cycle.

People who refer to rent as 'dead money' have very little understanding of financial markets. People who think like your relatives bought when interest rates were high and then enjoyed rising house prices as rates come down. The generation buying now, with low interest rates, will now 'enjoy' several years of falling house prices as interest rates rise.

And if it does, there'll be no properties available to buy and no mortgage products available.

There must be an alternative to this. Why is our economy based around boom and bust?

HA properties are like gold dust. You have a tenancy for life. It sounds madness to give it up and pay extortionate private rent where the owner can make you homeless.

Op, don't be ashamed. You can only do what you can for the moment, at least you are all warm and fed and alive and together. My mum lost her home years ago and had to go back to living with her mum, my nan, at about 50 years old or so (can't remember exactly her age then), she saw it as this massive shame she couldn't afford her own place but I never understood that, it's not a shame, it just is what it is.

So I suppose the question is.
Do you want to own a home? Have you looked into it properly? Things like shared ownship etc.
No one should feel ashamed that they rent. But the reasons that people put effort into buying are security, and in looking forward to retirement without rent to worry about.

I have only read your answers so forgive me if this has already been said but have you joined the facebook groups for people wanting to exchange? I think you can exchange HA properties as well as council but I may be wrong.

There is so much judgement on this thread. Who prioritises buying a house together in the early days of a relationship? You’d all accuse her of some other misdeed if she did!

It isn’t dead money because it is literally providing a roof over your family’s head. It’s hard right now but that’s what matters - your family will be much happier with more room, it sounds like. Given that you’ve explored the other options such as swapping I think you’ve made the right decision!

I don’t know how we would ever be able to buy a place in our area. Maybe if we moved up north!

I'm up north, a tiny 2 bedroom house next door has just been rented out at £1200 per month. It's not that cheap up here.

OP didn’t answer whether or not UC will be contributing to her rent. Many people I know don’t bother buying because they prefer to rent with the help of UC. OP will UC cover part of your rent?