To feel embarrassed that we can’t afford to buy a property?

[Foreveraskingquestions]

Since me and DH have been together buying a property has never really been in our interest. We had money at the start but we wasn’t bothered as rent was fairly cheap back then and our priority really was just having fun and going on holidays.

Luckily our current property is HA and it is dirt cheap but we are now leaving and going into private rent. Our rent is now going to be 1k I never imagined spending that much on rent but it’s a beautiful home and it gives our kids the space they need to blossom.

FIL was gobsmacked about how much rent were going to be paying and said how it’s dead money. It’s obviously got into DH head and now he thinks we’re “failures”. Everyone in his family has brought their properties we are the only ones that haven’t.

AIBU to think we’re not failures? He said his family are probably laughing at us.

I don’t know how we would ever be able to buy a place in our area. Maybe if we moved up north!

The OP has spent the £30k on holidays and treats it seems

For us buying a house was an absolute must so we prioritised that early on and have been mortgage free for many years . I think you are mad to move from a HA cheap house to renting on the open market , I would have stayed put and done as much saving as poss to try and buy a 3 bed . It’s nice for all the kids to have their own bedrooms but a 3 bed and sharing is imo better than a rented 4 bed .

You aren’t failures! Buying isn’t the be all and end all. Equally it wasn’t good financial planning to spend on holidays when your rent was cheap- most people I know who have bought without parental or inheritance help have forgone extras for a long time (years) to be able to buy somewhere. Could you relocate? I would seriously consider it if you aren’t happy renting. x

I mean, personally I would be moving from the area if it meant your money would be enough for a deposit. More security for your kids, a greater chance at increasing your investment. But if you don’t want to move and are happy renting, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else (including your FIL) thinks.

First of all, if his family are laughing at you and your dh, then they do not deserve to be trusted with your financial situation. From now on, neither of you should give them any personal information. It’s not their business whether you rent or buy or anything else. When they demand to know details, simply don’t give them.

Now, it is true that buying a house has advantages because you’re not ‘throwing your money away’ as you would renting, there will be nothing to show for it later when you rent. So it is important that you keep that in mind. It will be even harder to save for a deposit for a house when you’re paying so much in rent now.

However, you love the new place, so enjoy that for a while. But try to save what you can and in time buy a small home, then keep saving until you can get a house that you really love. That’s my advice but do what you think is best for your family. Take the good part of the advice from other people and ignore the disdain or lectures!

You're not a failure OP, you provided a roof over your childrens head since they were born, you love tham and they're well fed. Can you stick it at out the HA house for say six months? And then save like mad during that time, if you move to the private rent you'll even be furher away from home ownership...

Reading your updates has been very strange. You appear to have a complete lack of forward planning, or maybe you're being disingenuous. No one buys a 4 bed house as their first home, but you could have used the £30k as a deposit for a 2/3 bed property and built up equity from there. Instead you had 3 DC in a tiny flat. What did you think was going to happen? I genuinely wonder what your plan was, or did you just assume everything would just work out somehow?

I really hope your business takes off and provides you with the kind of lifestyle you want.

Have you priced business storage? HA rent and business storage (which will be a business expense) may be lots cheaper than £1000 a month rent.

I wouldn’t leave the ha property. I would save the money you are going to spend on the extra rent towards a mortgage. Rental properties are often sold by landlords without much notice. I have owned and rented. There is pros and cons to both options. There does seem to be people that look down on those who rent even privately. It’s no one else’s business but yours.

I just worry you're making this decision for the short term benefits of more space, without thinking about the long term problems of higher rent, future rent increases and having much less security.

From your story, it seems a bit of a pattern. I'd have a really really big think about this decision, as you may not get back into HA again.

I definitely wouldn't look down on somebody for renting. Paying for shelter isn't "dead money", just like paying for food isn't. But I would wonder why on earth somebody would choose to move from HA to private renting esp at the moment.

I think everyone's being a bit harsh. No one meets their partner for the first time and immediately pools their savings to buy a property together. Presumably you were quite young, so having £30k in savings at a young age obviously shows the ability to save and be sensible with money. You enjoyed some holidays etc, its not a crime! But I would try and stick to a savings plan now, even if you do move into private rent, and look at buying somewhere in the next 5 years if you can, even if it means relocating. I wouldn't look at renting as a long term option unless you have a solid pension plan and/ or are likely to inherit a lot from said FIL and your parents 😉

We had very cheap rent for years (£150pm military housing) and also enjoyed a fun lifestyle of multiple holidays etc so see where the op is coming from .

But we ownerd a flat (with mortgage)which we rented out for many years, for fear of being in a situation like this

There’s paying for shelter and renting a beautiful big home for £££. I’d definitely think dead money in the latter case.
Personally I’d opt to stay in cheaper and secure rental and save difference and look at buying a 2 or 3 bed.
Renting a big 4 bed house is a luxury choice not an essential.
Your choice though.

It was the question OP asked so I gave the answer. Literally called for.

You are abosultly not failures for not buying no one is. But, and this is purely my opinion and possibly that of your in-laws is that you have or have had a lack of priority

Because savings an UC don't mix. If you are receiving UC, you can't have much in the way of savings and certainly not the 30,000 you originally entered the relationship with

Honestly now is not the time to leave a HA rental. The prices for rentals are going up monthly let alone 6 monthly and yearly. You will very very quickly notice your rents increasing or they will ask you to leave so they can charge a higher rent from the next tenants. Do NOT do it. You’ll regret it

Did you even read her post or just jump to the default defense?

They lived in a cheaper HA property which would have allowed them save more but they choose to enjoy and live now rather than save.

I would have made different decisions as you can enjoy while also using the opportunity to save but it’s their choice so I wouldn’t call them failures, they just have to own their decision and live with it.

But if you end up in poverty and misery - having to pay rent until you die? Surely life is for living when you’re older too?

It’s ok as long as you have 12k+ a year to blow on rent for the rest of your life.

Agree completely. Irresponsible to have kids and overcrowd when you don’t have the room for them. Living in HA with less than half the cost of private rent you should have saved thousands so no sympathy.

Op, you’re saying some unusual stuff. Like you can’t afford a house for five years until the market crashes, or that you just can’t afford a 4 bed. That’s a big leap from a 2 bed council house, few could do that, a small three bed would be the next step up

and in a property owned by a company doesn’t mean that company won’t divest, but I’d say you’re possibly more secure, the down side is they will implement full market increases annually, no discussion. On average rents are 11 percent year on year. And it’s likely going to get worse. Can you afford this increase each year? So next year it’s 1100. The year after it’s 1250? The year after 1400?

people are just urging you to be very cautious here. As you’re going from a secure but inappropriate property, to an expensive and highly insecure appropriate one.

it’s another life decision you stand a high risk of regretting.

I don’t think you are failures but I think you were silly not to buy if you’ve been in a position to in the past.
Its common sense that renting is basically throwing your money away whilst buying us building up assets that you can sell if you ever need to.

However, what’s done is done.
There is no point in dwelling on what could have been.

I completely get how desperate you are to get out of your current situation.

Have you look into first time buyers mortgages?

They are on certain new builds and only require a 5% deposit.

If you are going to be spending £1k on rent anyway I’d use that money and put it away for a deposit instead.
It may mean staying in your current home for a few more months but at least you’ll see an end to your situation.

Not failures, you've just prioritised different things. No shame or failure in that but you can't lament those choices now!

No I don't judge people who rent, but I do think you are mad to give up the HA, have you looked up family assist mortgages? You don't need a deposit with one of those. Buckinghamshire building society do them I think. FIL can be your guarantor using his property as an asset if he feels so strongly.

Keep the HA property.
You'd be mad to give that up.