Was IBU? Train give up seat for a child situation

[FriendsObsessed]

So I was on the way home today. Busy train, full of commuters.
i managed to get a seat, one of those 3 that are on the side of the carriage and can be flipped up if needed.

An older couple got on with their (I assume) grandchildren.
The women next to me offered her seat to one of the kids. The grandfather came back saying at yes if they could sit together that would be lovely (keeping eye contact with the woman). She was like ‘I can only offer you my seat’. I didn’t move… he sat down with the child on his lap.

someone else got up and offered the seat to the other child. Same thing happened the grandmother sat down with the other child on her knees (kind of)

i tried to just chill (as I always do on the train) but I kept feeling very uncomfortable and sensed a bit of a death stare. The kids were pretty annoying, and weren’t told to just sit and keep kicking other people’s bags, seats and stop complaining. When I got off the train I could hear the grandfather saying, now you sit here finally.

I’m just so annoyed at folks travelling on train with kids expecting that others should move/give up seats for them. AIBU?

ps the children were approx 4 and 6 yo

Adults should never give up their seat for a child, unless it is a parent carrying a baby or toddler. It sends the wrong message to kids and they are perfectly capable of standing, much more than many adults who have had a long hard day at work.

Nobody asked you to move. How have you turned this into a problem for you?

Quite.

but they were all sitting down, so what was the issue?

I might give up my seat on a crowded train for a small child if their carer was standing, but not if they are on someone's lap

This all day long. Zero chance my parents or grand parents would have expected you to stand in favour of me or my siblings. We would have been told our legs are young and we would be fine to stand

Equally, if there was another seat to move to and they could sit together, I'm not sure why you wouldn't.

Tbh I would have given up my seat. I always ask parents if their kids want a seat.

Why?

Wasn’t properly asked but I’m telling you, I’ve got the stares from the grandfather and he kept moving around so much, that felt like he was purposely making me uncomfortable.

side note: I would always give me seat up for pregnant, disabled , elderly or anyone with a wee baby.

I'd have offered to swap with the grandma

@Littlebluebird123 of course, if it was just a swap around so they can sit together I would certainly move. But this was very much of a case of me giving up on my seat for a child.

I generally do too, reason being, kids fall and hurt themselves. But I wouldn't if they were on a carers lap, no need, everybody is already seated

I'd assume it's because young children are less likely to be stable on their legs and tire quicker than fully grown adults.

Oh, they made you have feelings? Jesus.🙄

If you'd have swapped with the grandmother who had a child on her knee then they could have sat altogether and you wouldn't have had to sit next to any of them. You made your own life difficult.

I give up my seat for small children. They usually don’t have the best balance and end up knocking into other people and causing accidents.

This

They were being unreasonable. I wouldn't have given up my seat in that situation either. The grandparents could easily have taken one child each and split up to find seats elsewhere in the carriage. They didn't all have to sit together.

I might have called them out on their rudeness. Something along the lines of “I was brought up to believe that children of that age should offer their seats to adults not the other way around. Please could you ask your grandchild not to kick my bag in that way”. Depending on how shirty I was feeling after a long day at work.

100% this. Only on Mumsnet does giving a four year old a seat on a busy train mean they're spoilt for life.

I tend to agree that young children can’t balance too well. I also remember as a child, being forced to stand for adults on the bus or tram in Holland.

However, you had the seat first. You might have a hidden disability or just be knackered. First come, first served.

I would give up my seat for a vulnerable person but not for spoilt brats and entitled grandparents.

I agree with this. Especially children with grandparents who aren't generally as agile as parents.

That would make you look like an arse to every single person on that train. Being older doesn't entitle you to anything more than a younger person.

I would have probably given up my seat for a four year old. To be honest I don’t like the attitude on mumsnet that kids should be entitled to no comfort etc. I see no reason why a small child should spring out of their seat for an healthy and able bodied adult who can safely stand. Adults should sit because they’ve had a ‘long, hard day at work.‘ Most four year olds are probably tired after a long hard day of reception or preschool. And as an adult I’m more capable of standing safely than a four year old child.

However, you didn’t want to give up your seat, and you did not give up your seat. So there really isn’t an issue. You wanted to sit down and you did sit down.

But there were no children left standing as they were both in the grandparents' laps? There is no way I would ever expect an adult to give up their seat for my child. Talk about entitled!

Exactly. In real life no able bodied adult I know would expect a preschool age child to give up their seat so they could sit down.