Was IBU? Train give up seat for a child situation

[FriendsObsessed]

So I was on the way home today. Busy train, full of commuters.
i managed to get a seat, one of those 3 that are on the side of the carriage and can be flipped up if needed.

An older couple got on with their (I assume) grandchildren.
The women next to me offered her seat to one of the kids. The grandfather came back saying at yes if they could sit together that would be lovely (keeping eye contact with the woman). She was like ‘I can only offer you my seat’. I didn’t move… he sat down with the child on his lap.

someone else got up and offered the seat to the other child. Same thing happened the grandmother sat down with the other child on her knees (kind of)

i tried to just chill (as I always do on the train) but I kept feeling very uncomfortable and sensed a bit of a death stare. The kids were pretty annoying, and weren’t told to just sit and keep kicking other people’s bags, seats and stop complaining. When I got off the train I could hear the grandfather saying, now you sit here finally.

I’m just so annoyed at folks travelling on train with kids expecting that others should move/give up seats for them. AIBU?

ps the children were approx 4 and 6 yo

I offer my seat for young kids, I'm strong and healthy, little kids, from experience are more likely to fall over

When I was about 9 or so (early 80s) I remember huffing about the expectation that children give up seats for adults and remember saying something along the lines of "I bet when I'm an adult it changes and I will have to give my seat for children".

I got told not to be so ridiculous, yet here we are . . .

I know what you mean. Best thing to do is ignore them. Worst comes to worst they split up but children can go on adults laps.

Children over 5 for a short journey should be encouraged to stand on public transport. It’s good for balance.

My DNephew isn’t great at balancing on walls (not people’s houses walls!) and told me he didn’t do it much. He’s forever in a car though, rarely on public transport too.

I often travel on my own with my two children who are the same ages as the kids in the OP - we sometimes sit in the vestibule on the floor if there are no seats, I would rather do that than risk sitting next to someone who might be a tiny bit inconvenienced by my children’s existence and God forbid sticker books

I would never take a seat from a child and would always offer my seat to a child.

I would always sit DS on my knee if the bus/train became crowded but like hell would I make him stand. He can't reach the straps and the metal bars on the seats are mouth height so if he was flung into one of those he'd likely lose/smash a tooth.

Think about all the safety precautions people take with car seats. Rear facing, isofix, safety ratings etc. Seem impossibly hypocritical to bother with all that if we're going to then make them stand on bus or train...

In your situation OP...nothing happened. It's nice that they all managed to get seats. It's nice that you didn't have to move. It was kind of others to offer them seats. If you are an able bodied young person, you probably should have given up your seat for the more vulnerable (ie older grandparents and younger children).

the children were not once told to behave as it’s the was a packed train. They were pulling out sticker books and all sorts from the grandparents bags. There is just no room for these in a packed train

There obviously was room if they were able to do it.

Lol.

My mum would've gone off on her dinger the minute my brother and I didn't keep up from our seats the moment an adult walked onto a crowded bus.

And now I'm an adult, I'm not giving up my seat so a child who is perfectly able to stand or who can sit in an adult's lap can be comfortable at my expense.

As my old Gran would've said "my legs are older then yours"

have I read your post wrong, it doesn’t sound like the grandparents had a seat until one was offered (you said “someone else got up and offered the seat to the other child. Same thing happened the grandmother sat down with the other child on her knees” in which YABU, you could’ve stood up so that the grandparents could sit down, with young children in Laos.

@FriendsObsessed the children were not once told to behave as it’s the was a packed train. They were pulling out sticker books and all sorts from the grandparents bags. There is just no room for these in a packed train

You seem to have a very strange perception of what is acceptable behaviour in public! You’re complaining that the grandfather was fidgeting in his seat while holding a child and also whinging about a 4 year old getting a sticker book out! Jesus lighten up. No doubt you would post if they were shouting and tantruming on the train too.

No doubt there will be another weirdo here who will back you up as children aren’t allowed to do anything in public.

The reality is you are the issue.

Also, why would they be ‘told to behave?’ They weren’t misbehaving. Looking at a sticker book isn’t bad behaviour.

To be honest op is sounding more and more like one of those people who thinks adults are morally superior, and children should live a life of cringing submission, with the great goal of their existence being not to inconvenience an adult at any time by doing such things as sitting down and looking at a book on the train.

You didn't have to of course, but I would have offered my seat in your situation and have in similar.

When I am on trains and tubes with my kids we always get offered seats - while I don't expect it I am always grateful as the kids are often tired and they just don't have the same balance/ can't reach the support handles in the same way adults can so it's loads safer to have them sat down.

Not behaving apparently because a 4 year old had the nerve to look at a sticker book in public and the GP didn’t shout at them is making me think more and more than OP was just annoyed at the existence of the children.

Never mind the fact that the 2 people on the train probably gave up their seats for the older grandparents and OP has just created this perceived wrong in her mind over her being expected to give up her seat for a child.

In the first post OP says the kids were kicking other people’s bags and seats and complaining - that’s not great behaviour particularly on the part of the 6 year old!

I would usually offer my seat to a child under 6. Their little legs get tired easily. I am much more capable of standing or walking long distances than a little one.

I would usually offer my seat to those 60 and over though sometimes that embarrasses men on the younger side.

And yet in the update her big issue was them pulling out sticker books. Of course if they kicked someone else or someone’s belongings that’s not acceptable, but op is just sounding more and more like she doesn’t think it’s acceptable for the children to be seen out in public. Otherwise what on earth is the issue? She had a seat. The children also had seats. She was not asked to give her seat up at any time.

there was absolutely no room for sticker books, pens and other craft stuff…😂
it’s commute hour on a busy London train. Plenty of folks standing and the train is jam packed. Just no…( and I do love a good sticker book)

im all for keeping children entertained but it’s just not the time to keep running up and down pulling out stuff. Pen lids everywhere… stickers everywhere. I personally would have had a chat with the children saying something along the lines of… look all these people going home from work, it’s a busier train. It’s best to keep the sticker books, pens crafts for another time. Shall we play I spy etc. also would have told them to stop kicking stuff and sit down for their own safety.

ps it’s still a non issue for me, please understand that it’s just a discussion. No need to snap 🙄

i do agree that some children are better off seated. I think that’s fair enough but it’s not so much an age thing imo to a degree. I worked with kids before. Some of them were very stable on their feet by age 3 some of them were seemed very young and weak at 10

i just think it has kind of changed on the trains recently… I noticed that we are expected to give up seats especially during half term times…and put up with screaming children or loud iPads phones banging Peppa Pig. Kids running up and down, kicking stuff and generally annoy other passengers.

i just think that there is certain behaviours need to be taught to kids (and not just on the trains) but if they don’t learn to be aware of their surroundings than how’s that good for anyone?

I probably wouldn't have, pre-children but I would now

im all for keeping children entertained but it’s just not the time to keep running up and down pulling out stuff. Pen lids everywhere… stickers everywhere.

All seems incredibly unlikely.

So they were sitting on grandparents knee, but we’re also kicking seats and bags, and it was so busy that there as no room for a sticker book yet they were somehow running up and down?

Shall we play I spy etc. also would have told them to stop kicking stuff and sit down for their own safety

Then they'll be accused of performance parenting 🙄

OP you'll be telling us in a minute they were making balloon animals and rapping to Nikki Minaj songs as well

Actually, I'm confused.

I don't know London trains but if they're sitting on the folded down seats, aren't these usually sideways so have no seat in front of them?

How were they kicking the seats if there wasn't any seat in front of them and the ones either side were occupied?

also would have told them to stop kicking stuff and sit down for their own safety.

But you wouldn't let them sit down...

Probably because it didn’t happen.

OP just got a train home from work, noticed some grandparents getting on with the young children and instantly got annoyed because who were they to be on her busy commuter train at 5:30??
Then two kind strangers offered up their seats. Probably parents of young who know how difficult it is for a 4 year old to stand on a busy train with lots of adults standing and pushing, and who also know how tired their parents get after a full day minding the kids for them in half term.
OP sees red.
The nerve of these people to give their seats up for old people with children! Did people think she should have given up her seat? Ridiculous!
OP then turns straight to mumsnet, furiously typing, desperately for some validation.

i just think it has kind of changed on the trains recently… I noticed that we are expected to give up seats especially during half term times…and put up with screaming children or loud iPads phones banging Peppa Pig. Kids running up and down, kicking stuff and generally annoy other passengers.

Okay, so maybe start a thread about the time you were expected to give your seat up for a child who then ran up and down with a loud iPad kicking and annoying other passengers, rather than about the time a grandpa and grandchild sat next to you.