Was IBU? Train give up seat for a child situation

[FriendsObsessed]

So I was on the way home today. Busy train, full of commuters.
i managed to get a seat, one of those 3 that are on the side of the carriage and can be flipped up if needed.

An older couple got on with their (I assume) grandchildren.
The women next to me offered her seat to one of the kids. The grandfather came back saying at yes if they could sit together that would be lovely (keeping eye contact with the woman). She was like ‘I can only offer you my seat’. I didn’t move… he sat down with the child on his lap.

someone else got up and offered the seat to the other child. Same thing happened the grandmother sat down with the other child on her knees (kind of)

i tried to just chill (as I always do on the train) but I kept feeling very uncomfortable and sensed a bit of a death stare. The kids were pretty annoying, and weren’t told to just sit and keep kicking other people’s bags, seats and stop complaining. When I got off the train I could hear the grandfather saying, now you sit here finally.

I’m just so annoyed at folks travelling on train with kids expecting that others should move/give up seats for them. AIBU?

ps the children were approx 4 and 6 yo

But no one asked her to move or give up her seat? For a child or otherwise.

I don't understand the view that small kids should give up their seats for an adult at all. Why?? They are way more vulnerable than the average adult. Obviously if they can they should sit on a lap but honestly I've travelled on the tube with my twins when they were little and it was awful if we were all standing. They don't hold on properly and end up falling into people but worse than that they're little and below standing adults eye line which means they end up getting crushed and smacked into! I'd always give my seat to a young child if they weren't able to sit on an adults lap (so if an adult out with 3 young kids for example)

But I do only mean little kids. I wouldn't stand for an average 10 year old

I am an able bodied adult and I would expect a child to give up their seat for me, just as I would make my children stand for an adult. It’s the way I was brought up. A child sitting when an adult is standing is the height of bad manners.
But so many people today have different ideas so I am not surprised at the mumsnet response. So you just let the children learn to disrespect adults and become selfish. Karma will out in the end.

I’m an able bodied adult too, and wouldn’t expect a child to stand for me. I think it’s bad manners to expect it to be honest.
I’ve quickly popped my 4 year old on my lap before so that someone can sit down on a busy bus as that seems logical so that someone can have a seat, but I definitely wouldn’t make her stand for anyone.

If it’s packed then she takes a seat before I do, and if I can’t put her on my lap because I’m standing then it’s tough. Able bodied adult getting on the bus can stand.

Neither is some people’s work days. Many people travel for free - disabled people often do on a card. That doesn’t make them less entitled to a seat, they are offered free travel by the company.

Of course. I have moved so a parent and child can sit together and generally would. If there were other seats available but not together, I’d have expected the GPS to take a kid each and sit separately. Very often guards/train managers can find seats so that people can sit together.

I still sometimes wish DN had got the memo about being tired after school! I’ve quite often nodded off after collecting her to have tea at ours.

Which is exactly what the grandparents did! They each sat with one grandchild. Neither of them asked the OP to give her seat up for any of their family. OP wanted a seat. She had a seat. She remained (unchallenged) in that seat. She then felt uncomfortable because she felt that someone else may have wanted that seat. Literally nobody asked her to move for a child or anybody else.

@SecretVictoria I don’t understand (and I experienced it many times as a commuter) why people travelling with kids choose the rush hour. Tickets are generally cheaper before and after.

You’re right, I’m sure people with young children just travel around on public transport at rush hour for the fun of it. Probably just doing a loop and then back home.

They can sit on adult's lap.
Perfectly safe

No one said they were? Is that your bar for who needs a seat?

It’s much more likely the other people on the train offered their seats to the near 70 yo grandparents wrangling two young children.

They sat down, kids on knee, not a word to the OP. Total non issue.

This. If we feel uncomfortable, that is our own problem. Nobody "majesty" us feel anything. We do.

I have given up seats for kids but this was my choice, I would not be made to give up one

But op this is not your problem

For safety reasons I would rather kids were on knees etc than on a crowded train

That's the US.
In the UK, the latest data the ONS has (which is 5 years old) gives 63 as the average.

TBF the four year old might have trouble standing on a packed train, as there is nothing at child-height for them to hang onto, and people may be bashing into them as the train rocks.

I do often put DS in a seat while I stand, because I am more able to stand than him. I’d let DM or another older person sit first though.

But if the child is already sitting on somebody’s lap, no problem at all! Everyone is seated, no four year old needs their own personal seat.

School run, medical appointments, getting to work via childcare. I expect their are loads of reasons.

I think kids can have a long hard day, nurseries open at 7.30 round here and close at 6, some kids are there for over 10 hrs and then have travel to nursery and home again at the end of the day. It's a longer day than many working people do. I think wrap around care is similar for school aged children.

When you bounced out of school was it 3.30?

Would have been around that time, yes.

Everybody wanted a seat, but a grand total of nobody asked for nor took my seat. What a non event.

DS will sit on my lap when it's crowded or on a seat otherwise, it isn't safe standing because adults trample little ones even when they can safely hold on. Those with all the opinions about children and seats, you wouldn't notice hypermobility causing a child pain and needing to rest, so it's useful to spare half a thought that others might have reasons for things they do even if you don't know those reasons.

But they didn't ask you to give up your seat.
It's not their fault that you felt uncomfortable. As for them staring at you, you must have been looking at them to notice. Perhaps they were wondering why you were glaring at them!

Hi all,
Many thanks for all the comments.

Just to clarify I was not hurt or upset in any way. The whole situation has made me think about children on busy trains taking up seats. I thought it’s a forum, so I just opened a thread to discuss. You are all right saying it’s a no issue, but I just fancied discussing on a forum to see what other folks think 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was not asked directly that is correct. But the body language from the grandfather, the language he used with the child suggesting that it’s inconvenient that child did not have his own seat and the fact that he said finally you can get this seat, said unnecessarily loudly when I got of the train were all very passive aggressive.

the children were not once told to behave as it’s the was a packed train. They were pulling out sticker books and all sorts from the grandparents bags. There is just no room for these in a packed train

Very small children are unlikely to balance safely on a train so if alone I would offer a seat. If ever I haven't been able to book a seat and this happens, I sit near the doors with my little one.

You have a problem.with sticker books on a train? Sorry you sound v difficult. They are little kids. Let them sit down and read

I was expected to offer my seat to adults as soon as I was old enough to speak. As far as I’m concerned it’s now my turn to be the one sitting down. I will always offer a seat to someone who is pregnant or holding a baby though.

I wouldn’t leave a small child to stand personally, my little one is easily intimidated and her balance isn’t great, she’s not quite 4.

Older children fine, 8+ or thereabouts but not little ones. But noone can tell who needs a seat most by looking.

Old enough to speak? So maybe around 2?