Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my MIL in my bedroom

298 replies

OMalleytheAlleyyCat · 05/04/2023 16:52

I'm on maternity leave and once a week MIL comes over to watch DS for a few hours.

I sleep in a bed beside DS's cot in the nursery and DH sleeps in the master.

Because my bedroom is also technically "the nursery" my MIL feels she can go into it as she pleases.

Her argument is she needs to be able to put DS down for his naps but the time she regularly comes doesn't overlap with his nap times, I always put him down before and after her visits.

She may need to go in there occasionally to get a muslin etc but I feel she needs to be more respectful and only go in when necessary.

DH has had to explicitly tell her not to lie in my bed. She's constantly taking things out of the nursery and scattering them around the house.

But the other day she really pee'd me off - DS was still napping when she came - I was alone in the kitchen and saw him cry on the babycam, I walked into the nursery to find her half on the bed with her face up to him. I thought she was in the living room! He did his scared "wtf" cry and I said annoyed "oh...hello..?!" and DH, also annoyed, asked her to leave (he works from home).

She said "he was already awake" but that's not the point!! I feel like a teenager shouting at my mum (in law) "get out of my room!!"

AIBU?

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 05/04/2023 16:53

This is all kinds of odd.

I simply wouldn’t leave her alone in the house to do this sort of nonsense she clearly needs supervising!

thegrain · 05/04/2023 16:55

This isn't working. I'd tell her to take baby out, to hers maybe?

Nanny0gg · 05/04/2023 16:55

So if she's watching him, why aren't you leaving her to it? Why is she doing it when you're home? Is it so you can get on with other jobs?

thegrain · 05/04/2023 16:56

She probably sees it as a bed for whoever is in the nursery at the time rather than your shared bedroom

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 05/04/2023 16:57

She might think you're unreasonable for sleeping in a nursery. I wouldn't love it but would probably suck it up for free childcare.

ThatsGenderwang · 05/04/2023 16:58

It doesn't sound much like 'free childcare' though. More like a few hours so OP can do a few errands or admin.

IamnotSethRogan · 05/04/2023 16:58

It's not your bedroom it's the babies room that you sleep in.

If you're not happy with the free childcare she's providing, then look elsewhere.

Honestly, you're complaining she got the babies toys from the babies bedroom for the baby to play with.

thegrain · 05/04/2023 16:58

ThatsGenderwang · 05/04/2023 16:58

It doesn't sound much like 'free childcare' though. More like a few hours so OP can do a few errands or admin.

It is free childcare.

Lcb123 · 05/04/2023 16:59

but that’s the nursery not your bedroom. Wouldn’t bother me, she’s helping out. And surely you want to get out the house whilst she is there, enjoy your break

I8toys · 05/04/2023 17:00

Jesus poor woman can't win. Is she looking after him or not? Whatever she's doing she's doing you and your dh a favour.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 05/04/2023 17:01

ThatsGenderwang · 05/04/2023 16:58

It doesn't sound much like 'free childcare' though. More like a few hours so OP can do a few errands or admin.

I would love to hear what you think "childcare" means

thegrain · 05/04/2023 17:01

It's nice she feels like family and not staff

Original poster
OMalleytheAlleyyCat · 05/04/2023 17:01

Nanny0gg · 05/04/2023 16:55

So if she's watching him, why aren't you leaving her to it? Why is she doing it when you're home? Is it so you can get on with other jobs?

I do normally go out and run errands while she's here, I just hadn't left yet. Like I say, she doesn't ever get involved in naps.

OP posts:
Original poster
OMalleytheAlleyyCat · 05/04/2023 17:10

Lcb123 · 05/04/2023 16:59

but that’s the nursery not your bedroom. Wouldn’t bother me, she’s helping out. And surely you want to get out the house whilst she is there, enjoy your break

I think this is why this one is splitting opinion lol! Because the room is actually both mine and DS's. She needs to use it as it is DS's nursery she needs to be respectful that it is also my bedroom.

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 05/04/2023 17:28

This isa bit ridiculous. It's a nursery not your bedroom. Unless you've moved all your stuff in there and have moved out of the master bedroom? Why don't you put a large throw over the bed if it's the idea of her touching your sheets and contaminating them with mil germs when she goes in there.

FawnFrenchieMum · 05/04/2023 17:31

OMalleytheAlleyyCat · 05/04/2023 17:01

I do normally go out and run errands while she's here, I just hadn't left yet. Like I say, she doesn't ever get involved in naps.

Show quote history

But she did get involved with naps, today, he was still napping!

Honestly I find it really weird you share a bedroom with your son and not your husband! Having the baby in your room is one thing, having a bed in the nursery so who ever is caring to the baby gets some sleep is also fine. Sharing your bedroom that’s not the main bedroom, is IMO weird and can totally understand why MIL doesn’t get it when looking after the baby.

Mischance · 05/04/2023 17:38

In what way is she not "respectful"? She is doing you a massive favour .. I should stop griping if I were you.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 05/04/2023 17:43

What do you mean by "be more respectful of your bedroom?"

How is she disrespectful? If you're not usually there, how is she meant to get stuff for the baby if it's in his room?

If she's taking stuff out the room and not putting that back, is that not because shes trying to avoid being in the room as much as possible?

Milkand2sugarsplease · 05/04/2023 17:47

Can you not sleep in bed with your husband with dc in a next to me in your room, or in his cot if he's happy/old enough etc? Why does the nursery need to be your bedroom?

Either mil can go in the nursery or not, I'm not sure how there is any in between.

cptartapp · 05/04/2023 17:48

It will be interesting to see if this bothers you enough to stop this weekly visit.
I bet it doesn't. Child free time is invaluable.

Anonymouseposter · 05/04/2023 17:48

I could understand you not wanting her to go into your main bedroom shared with your husband but I would think she most likely regards the other room as your child's nursery.

TrashyPanda · 05/04/2023 17:50

Surely you are just in there temporarily and your actual bedroom, with all your clothes and stuff is the master?

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 05/04/2023 17:52

Can you get a selection of things that the baby might need out of the room before she comes and then there is no need for
her to go in the room at all? Might be clearer all round?

Holly60 · 05/04/2023 17:53

This wouldn't bother me- how exactly is she not being respectful?

I get you sleep there but it's not really your bedroom. It's your son's nursery. Unless you've moved all your personal belongings in there..

Like a pp said - just put a throw over the bed if that is what is bothering you.

GulfCoastBeachGirl · 05/04/2023 17:57

Sorry, I'm generally very respectful of people's privacy but I would just think of this as the child's nursery and not see it as off limits if I was babysitting. I suppose you could shut the door and ask her to not go in there, but that would seem odd, tbh.