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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my MIL in my bedroom

298 replies

OMalleytheAlleyyCat · 05/04/2023 16:52

I'm on maternity leave and once a week MIL comes over to watch DS for a few hours.

I sleep in a bed beside DS's cot in the nursery and DH sleeps in the master.

Because my bedroom is also technically "the nursery" my MIL feels she can go into it as she pleases.

Her argument is she needs to be able to put DS down for his naps but the time she regularly comes doesn't overlap with his nap times, I always put him down before and after her visits.

She may need to go in there occasionally to get a muslin etc but I feel she needs to be more respectful and only go in when necessary.

DH has had to explicitly tell her not to lie in my bed. She's constantly taking things out of the nursery and scattering them around the house.

But the other day she really pee'd me off - DS was still napping when she came - I was alone in the kitchen and saw him cry on the babycam, I walked into the nursery to find her half on the bed with her face up to him. I thought she was in the living room! He did his scared "wtf" cry and I said annoyed "oh...hello..?!" and DH, also annoyed, asked her to leave (he works from home).

She said "he was already awake" but that's not the point!! I feel like a teenager shouting at my mum (in law) "get out of my room!!"

AIBU?

OP posts:
mrshenny · 05/04/2023 18:03

So are you going to continue to sleep in there until your son is 18? Since it's your room too? You're sleeping in there (presumably to comfort your very young son) but it's not your room, it's your sons. If she's looking after him then she needs to be able to access his stuff which means going on that room.

Im sorry but this is just weird on your part.

LudoBagman · 05/04/2023 18:04

This is so weird

Inkpotlover · 05/04/2023 18:04

It's not your bedroom though. It's the baby's nursery but you are sleeping in there during the newborn/maternity leave stage. Your bedroom is the master one that you share with your husband, no? I couldn't get cross if my MIL was doing me the favour of free childcare and needed to get into the nursery for a muslin. Your reaction to her being in there sounds very controlling.

SundaySundaySunday · 05/04/2023 18:05

I find this odd. It’s not your bedroom, it’s your child’s nursery which you happen to be sleeping in. She went in when your son was crying, what is wrong with that? Is your issue that she went in there at all, or that she was “half on the bed”? What would you have liked her to do? Feel quite sorry for her!

rumpsteak · 05/04/2023 18:06

This is all kinds of weird😕

TheGoodEnoughWife · 05/04/2023 18:08

She was laying on 'your' bed and gazing at her gc while he stirred? Sleeps? Wow - Codeem her now - what an awful women!!

Or she is providing free childcare and she loves her grandchild. Lucky you. Don't be mean and spiteful. Be grateful.

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 05/04/2023 18:08

Very weird. I find it odd that she is not allowed to go to his nursery when she is looking after him.

Bienemajas · 05/04/2023 18:09

Jesus poor woman can't win. Is she looking after him or not? Whatever she's doing she's doing you and your dh a favour.

This!

I hope you will have a kinder daughter in law!

Anonymouseposter · 05/04/2023 18:09

I think it was very OTT for your husband to ask her to leave. Will it be inconvenient for you if she doesn't look after your child again?

Excited101 · 05/04/2023 18:10

This is weird. It’s the baby’s room, not your room- you just sleep in there.

Bivarb · 05/04/2023 18:12

I'm with you OP. I think it's weird because it's still your bedroom, even though your baby sleeps there too.

When we visit my MIL we put toddler in MILS bedroom for a nap, away from the busyness of the living room. I only go in and out to sort the toddler as quickly as I can. I have no desire at all to loiter or stick around in there. It feels uncomfortable because it's too personal.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 05/04/2023 18:13

I'm a bit confused but if she's babysitting she's allowed to go in the baby's room.

Laiste · 05/04/2023 18:13

Wait wait wait - she comes over to look after the baby so that you can go out and do stuff. DH is around the house because he works from home.

There's a bed in the baby's room which you use (DH still in main bed) and MIL isn't really allowed in the baby's room because of that bed being in there??

GulfCoastBeachGirl · 05/04/2023 18:13

@SundaySundaySunday I feel sorry for her as well! Here she is doing the parents a favor by watching the baby and in return it's all "don't sit on the bed" "stay out of the wife's bedroom nursery"!

Sunnyfunnytimes · 05/04/2023 18:13

I am surprised you’re so uptight about this. I’d not consider it your bedroom, I’d consider it your child’s bedroom you are using temporarily. So I also don’t see the issue. What difference does it make if she sits on your bed. If you trust her to look after your kid.

Laiste · 05/04/2023 18:14

Bivarb · Today 18:12
I'm with you OP. I think it's weird because it's still your bedroom, even though your baby sleeps there too.

No, it's the baby's room and OP has put a bed in there. The 'marital' bed (hate that phrase) is still in the master bed room.

Sunnyfunnytimes · 05/04/2023 18:15

She needs to use it as it is DS's nursery she needs to be respectful that it is also my bedroom

so have you proper moved in there then, all your clothes and toiletries etc?

HelloVeritas · 05/04/2023 18:16

A son you say? How will you feel if a future DIL treated you this way?

The only weird behaviour here is from you? Seriously though, if you just can't compromise then you need to manage with her as she doesn't deserve to be put in this position.

And I wouldn't say opinion on this thread is divided either. Majority of people are siding with your MIL on this.

GrumpyPanda · 05/04/2023 18:17

Swap rooms around. You and baby in master,.along with some baby stuff. DH in spare room (I assume this whole setup is so at least one of you gets some sleep?)

Problem solved, boundaries reasserted.

Bonus points if both rooms are comparable and you achieve all thus just by renaming them and maybe swapping the beds.

Bienemajas · 05/04/2023 18:17

Why are you so uptight about this? She's his grandma?!

Let's hope you won't experience such uprightness with your children and in laws one day...!

Bienemajas · 05/04/2023 18:19

A son you say? How will you feel if a future DIL treated you this way?

Exactly this!

You might yourself be in that position with your son and his wife. Let's hope that they're kinder to you.

Binfluencer · 05/04/2023 18:19

But surely you keep all your personal possessions in the master and the bed in DS room is temporary? So not really a bedroom?

Thedogscollar · 05/04/2023 18:19

Laiste · 05/04/2023 18:13

Wait wait wait - she comes over to look after the baby so that you can go out and do stuff. DH is around the house because he works from home.

There's a bed in the baby's room which you use (DH still in main bed) and MIL isn't really allowed in the baby's room because of that bed being in there??

Exactly.
This is mad, then to top it all off your dh asked her to leave!
It's your baby's room that you are choosing to sleep in for whatever reason.
Your MIL is doing you a favour, free childcare so you can do whatever. I'd show a bit more gratitude and not this pettiness about her accessing her grandchilds room when she is there providing childcare.

Sunnyfunnytimes · 05/04/2023 18:21

Binfluencer · 05/04/2023 18:19

But surely you keep all your personal possessions in the master and the bed in DS room is temporary? So not really a bedroom?

Maybe she does, maybe she’s got all her wardrobe and that in there.

can’t believe her husband chucked her out. What a dysfunctional thing to do. Poor woman.

Jagoda · 05/04/2023 18:23

This is a very strange over reaction OP.