Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited friend for Easter lunch. Rude response?!

203 replies

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 07:46

So I invited one of my closest friends over for lunch on Sunday after church. He's on his own, I'm on my own. Thought it would be nice to have some company.

So the text conversation went like this;

"Would you like to come over for lunch on Sunday?"

"Maybe".

Is this not bloody rude? AIBU to be a bit bloody miffed?!

If ever I ask him out for lunch/dinner/day out/etc, he is always busy but he always expects me to drop my plans whenever he wants to go out.

Some people just don't realise that friendship is a two-way thing, I guess.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 05/04/2023 11:21

A one-off I'd ignore, but given the other responses you've had, perhaps better off with other friends or even on your own on Sunday.

MossflowerWood · 05/04/2023 11:32

Is he on the autistic spectrum?

starfishmummy · 05/04/2023 11:45

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 07:58

It's not a no though.

A no would be fine (as long as he was polite about it, which he never is).

He might just has well said "I'll wait and see if I get another invite first".

Show quote history

My thought is that he wants to see if he "pulls" on Saturday night so won't commit in case he is "busy"....

MsRosley · 05/04/2023 11:48

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 09:20

Yes, it is nothing me, sadly. I know it shouldn't. I know I should let it go but I am struggling with it.

Sick of being a doormat 😒

Show quote history

The reason you're struggling with it, OP, is because you sense the subtext underneath. It took me years to realise when friends did the same to me that what they actually meant was 'I don't value you enough to want to spend time with you unless I've literally nothing else to do'. I didn't want to see that because it's painful, obviously.

Back then, I'd keep trying with someone like that, rather than face the facts. Now, I would never invite them to anything again because they're rude, entitled bastards and they don't deserve a friend like me.

CovertImage · 05/04/2023 11:50

he's clearly not that into you

This really is one of the most irritating phrases on MN

Idontgiveashitanymore · 05/04/2023 11:53

If he text you back just say you decided to go out ,

JennyJenny8675309 · 05/04/2023 11:53

SkyandSurf · 05/04/2023 08:44

Yep actually. This is perfect response.

Show quote history

I agree, this is the perfect response. No groveling, no second chance for him.

Yabadabadoooooooooooooo · 05/04/2023 11:57

Oh, he is very rude. I would reply with 'Rude. Offer withdrawn.'

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 11:57

2bazookas · 05/04/2023 10:57

If someone makes a deliberately vague reply it often means that they want to hear more details before accepting/ committing.

All too often the "friendly Inviter" has form for issuing an "invitation" that's just the cover for a giant favour right after lunch, "picking your brains" or "borrowing you muscle"

I mean, I think this is massively untrue and I'm clearly not the only one who needs to evaluate their friendships!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 11:58

maddy68 · 05/04/2023 11:01

You are over thinking this. You said he's a very busy man. Maybe he's seeing if he can juggle what he is already doing so he can.

Just say let me know by tomorrow

I'm not sure I said he was a busy man?

OP posts:
PrinceHaz · 05/04/2023 11:59

I wouldn’t bother replying at all, and I wouldn’t invite him again.
Interested to know how he responds to your text though. Rude people often don’t expect to be called out, so he’ll probably be a bit stroppy.

Disgustipated · 05/04/2023 12:06

I had a friend who always did the ‘maybe’. Pissed me off so everytime I just deliberately took maybe as ‘no’. She stopped after a few times I did this. She’d text on the day and I’d just say ‘oh, you hadn’t confirmed it so I haven’t been shopping for food/ I made other plans’.
I really don’t think she didn’t get that it wasn’t ok. 90% of the time she would still want to do whatever I’d asked about

Hadtocomment · 05/04/2023 12:09

The person upthread saying it might be to do with finding out what's planned (ie whether him alone or with a large gaggle or others) also has a good point. Some people are shy. Some are awkward on their own. Without knowing more about the person, we can't know one way or the other. He might think you are doing a sunday lunch for others anyway which he is being invited along to. I think you need to be clearer about what you need in terms of communications from him rather than reading into stuff.

myoldmansatrendydustman · 05/04/2023 12:10

Puppers · 05/04/2023 07:56

"I can't work with 'maybe' so let's not bother and I can make other plans"

A good response and don't invite him again he's just plain rude.

Justmeandthedog1 · 05/04/2023 12:12

Bunce1 · 05/04/2023 07:52

So rude. I’d reply and say

good job you’re just a maybe! 😜 Somethings come up so will reschedule for another time. Have a good weekend.

This.
And don’t invite him again. Ever.

melj1213 · 05/04/2023 12:17

Tbh if I got a "Maybe" response I'd probably just reply with something like "Ok well I need to know by Wednesday at 12pm so I can shop for the meal so if I haven't heard from you by then to confirm you're definitely coming I'll assume you aren't and make other plans."

CustardySergeant · 05/04/2023 12:17

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 11:58

I'm not sure I said he was a busy man?

Show quote history

You said "he's always busy" and he's a man so you did say that.

Emotionalsupportviper · 05/04/2023 12:19

PrinceHaz · 05/04/2023 11:59

I wouldn’t bother replying at all, and I wouldn’t invite him again.
Interested to know how he responds to your text though. Rude people often don’t expect to be called out, so he’ll probably be a bit stroppy.

This.

And if he invites you anywhere in future only go if it suits you to do so - don't ever put yourself out for him or invite him again.

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 12:23

CustardySergeant · 05/04/2023 12:17

You said "he's always busy" and he's a man so you did say that.

Show quote history

Ah, I did. I should have said that he "always has an excuse" rather than he is always busy.

OP posts:
emptythelitterbox · 05/04/2023 12:34

Nothing you have said, makes him to be any kind of a friend.

Why is he a friend at all?

SnackSizeRaisin · 05/04/2023 12:38

Spcd · 05/04/2023 11:02

Not saying this is the case with your friend, but you shouldn't assume someone asking who else is going to be there is that they want to make sure the 'right' people are there, it can also be about avoiding someone specific. I've had it before with a friend, who blew up at me for asking who else was going to be there, when I'd happily have spent time with just my friend, or indeed any of their other friends, but, after a day of dealing with sexist creeps at work, I really didn't want to have to spend time with the sleazy, creepy boyfriend of one of their friends who always seemed to make a beeline for me.

Show quote history

That's true as well. It can be quite annoying if other people are there when I was thinking it would be just me. In my friend's case it's simply that he finds me a bit dull! I don't mind that really. What does annoy me is another male friend who's always trying to get me to arrange things and invite a particular young woman that he likes to flirt with. It makes me feel used.

DrPrunesquallor · 05/04/2023 12:49

That’s a very rude response OP.!!!
If he decides to visit on Sunday I would say no at this point.
Hes using you.

SaltedButty · 05/04/2023 12:51

I asked my friend over for Easter lunch as he is alone. His response was "Oh yes please, let me buy the meat"

PaigeMatthews · 05/04/2023 12:54

MossflowerWood · 05/04/2023 11:32

Is he on the autistic spectrum?

Every. Single. Thread about rude people.

Climbles · 05/04/2023 13:05

It’s the short reply that’s the issue. If he’d said - Hi, thanks for the invite. I’m not sure if I’m free just now could I let you know tomorrow? That would be okay. Is he a bit lacking in social skills?

Swipe left for the next trending thread