Invited friend for Easter lunch. Rude response?!

[Sortyourlifeout]

So I invited one of my closest friends over for lunch on Sunday after church. He's on his own, I'm on my own. Thought it would be nice to have some company.

So the text conversation went like this;

"Would you like to come over for lunch on Sunday?"

"Maybe".

Is this not bloody rude? AIBU to be a bit bloody miffed?!

If ever I ask him out for lunch/dinner/day out/etc, he is always busy but he always expects me to drop my plans whenever he wants to go out.

Some people just don't realise that friendship is a two-way thing, I guess.

Time to make different friends! About a year ago I stopped bothering inviting flakes who never invite me back, and life is so much better now. For non-flakey friends, I'd recommend joining a sports club. I joined an LGBTQ+ team. No more hetero nesting couples who need 2 months' notice to make plans!

I don't know that it is necessarily rude. Your friend might be unable to give you a decision until tomorrow or could be thinking you don't need to know now as nothing needs sorting and it's just a casual arrangement
Now you might have thought you'll go and buy a leg of lamb tomorrow and do a full roast, but your friend doesn't know whats in your head. They might have been expecting a slice of quiche or a ham sandwich. Why immediately take offence? Why not just let them know you wanted to know by Xday because Y? Would it be acceptable to you for friend to then say 'I'm really not sure about Sunday. I could do a night next week. When are you free?'

Unless he is autistic it rude

I'd be very tempted to reply, "Well, maybe the invitation stands." Check with me Saturday night, and I'll let you know." Then, Saturday night, IF he texts, say, "Sorry, something else came up."

Maybe is more impolite than no, so he needs to rethink that one if that's his objective. No thank you is polite. Maybe is just rude.

I’d retract the offer. If you give him a deadline to confirm by he might say yes and then cancel nearer the time or not turn up leaving you with wasted food & effort and no company. He sounds charmless.

Yes to this,and next time he asks you over or to go anywhere, instead of just dropping things to fit in with his plans I’d give him exactly the same response.

I like this approach. Steering him into what response the OP wants/needs to have.
Obviously without knowing the full picture it might be the case that the friend isnt on the same page as OP regarding the etiquette.

@Sortyourlifeout your mum does this too, so that's probably why this is really pushing your buttons. Whilst I think it is rude and I think it would be worth gently pointing that out, i don't think it is a cardinal offence. Some people are flaky and they are often more flaky with their closest friends because they know they can get away with it - it doesn't mean that they don't value you. I'm not excusing his behaviour, because it's still not acceptable, but I wouldn't take it to mean he doesn't really rate you as a friend.

@Sortyourlifeout did you manage to speak to your ‘friend’ yesterday?

I think you possibly see meaning behind his answers that isnt there. Reading in your last post that you have BPD it makes it even more likely. I have found myself asking people a lot more about what they mean by xy or what their thinking is like. Sometimes I am really surprised how that differs from what I think what they mean from what they actually mean. Obviously you can only post so much in your post and we dont know the backstory/history to know for sure whats going on.
Perhaps he really just means "Maybe" as in " I am not sure/I dont know yet". Its a kind of autistic or uneducated (for the lack of a better word) kind of answer. Perhaps noone explained to him that this isnt the best way to respond to an invitation. - On the other hand I would your text call exactly an "invitation". Just a suggestion or a question.
I also like what a PP said above about that he possibly doesnt have the same image of a festive Easter roast in mind but something simpler and more casual.

This

If ever I ask him out for lunch/dinner/day out/etc, he is always busy but he always expects me to drop my plans whenever he wants to go out.

Then stop doing it. He is who he is. If you don’t want to be a doormat you have to change.

Well, there you go! You know where it comes from and it give you a perfect opportunity to work on this. Explain to him what sort of answer you need and move forward.

It’s not you, it’s him.
It’s so rude. I once had a flat mate who did the same about weekend nights. She’d find out what all her friends were doing but stay non-committal (“I’m working out a few things”). Often she’d end up staying in as joining in the best option didn’t work out at the last minute.

While the "maybe" is ill-mannered and clumsy, presumably from lack of good parenting, this answer is downright rude, arrogant and attacking.

Thanks everyone.

I had a chat with him and he was mortified that I was upset. He can see how his reply was rude and he'll make sure that it doesn't happen again, with anyone.

And he's taking me out for lunch on Sunday 😃

Nice result. Have a lovely weekend

That’s a nice outcome. Sounds like he might need some help with reciprocation in conversation.

Fantastic, OP!

That is wonderful news! Glad it’s worked out.

Great result!!

So glad it’s worked out well. Sometimes we can make a throwaway remark not realising that it might be construed as hurtful.
OTOH it can work the other way. A colleague once approached me for a comment she had made the day before about how she hoped the invigilator for an exam wouldn’t die in his chair as he was old and kept nodding off. She was so upset because my father died in his chair. I honestly never connected! I thought it was funny that someone might die of boredom invigilating an exam!

Have fun with your friend!

I'd just take decision myself. OK no worries, have other plans now. Have a lovely Easter!

Find new friends x