Invited friend for Easter lunch. Rude response?!

[Sortyourlifeout]

So I invited one of my closest friends over for lunch on Sunday after church. He's on his own, I'm on my own. Thought it would be nice to have some company.

So the text conversation went like this;

"Would you like to come over for lunch on Sunday?"

"Maybe".

Is this not bloody rude? AIBU to be a bit bloody miffed?!

If ever I ask him out for lunch/dinner/day out/etc, he is always busy but he always expects me to drop my plans whenever he wants to go out.

Some people just don't realise that friendship is a two-way thing, I guess.

This. Or no response at all, and then be busy if he comes crawling back.
What do you see in him? He doesn’t sound like someone I’d want to bother with.

Best response. 👌

The only time a 'maybe' is ok is when it's something like 'thanks for the invitation. Just waiting to hear if my dad still wants to go a walk with me then which would clash, I'll let you know by tomorrow afternoon'.
It's not for you to have to dig, nudge or do the work to get confirmation one way or the other. Knob head he is.

I would probably reply ‘Okay but please let me know by tomorrow evening (or whenever) and if I didn’t hear assume they’re not coming.

I hqmave got a friend who is a commiment phobe like this so now l hardly ever see him!

Funnily enough, my own bloody mother does this!

It's got nothing to do with him being male. That's pretty offensive. I do have female friends too, you know! And non-binary too, if that makes a difference!

I'm not 'desperate' for his attention. I was just trying to do something nice!

Fucking hell.

Nope.

He's not a friend to you. A friend wouldn't treat you like that. I'd phase him out.

You can't tell a lot from posts like this and a lot of the posts seem a bit over-dramatic about a simple text. He could have really poor social skills but still be a nice person. Perhaps people just need to stop using text all the time and get on the phone and speak to each other. It's just impossible to read into these things. I agree that a lot of the time women can be far more conscious of the way they put things in text. That's a stereotype but, for me, has been borne out by my personal experience anyway. But I wouldn't dismiss this person as a friend for this text or read that much into it. Some people are not great at planning and others are not great at communicating or knowing how to put things. I don't think you can tell he's "waiting for a better offer" or any of that. I used to be very maybe and don't mind as a youngster out of lack of confidence. Until a family friend said it could be construed as rude. I hadn't a clue it could be construed that way at the time.

Keep us informed OP.

I love the fact you've reminded him a yes please or a no thank you is a proper grown up's response 😊

The issue isn't really the 'maybe', it's the dynamic in the rest of the relationship. If one of my friends texted maybe, it would be a conversation starter not an end point.

OP, you say:

"A no would be fine (as long as he was polite about it, which he never is)"

So there is clearly a history of him being rude and inconsiderate.

Why not chose one of many superb responses upthread and sack him off.

ENJOY it as you tell him not to bother, he won't be expecting that will he?

Then, ask yourself why you are putting up with rude twats.

Don’t text back now, just make another plan. Book yourself a Sunday roast out somewhere.

If he texts back to say he’s coming / not coming, tell him the invite’s off anyway and you booked something else.

If he just shows up on the day, you won’t be there.

Basically treat him with as much consideration as he’s showing you.

I think this is a better reply. Just a "ok let me know by x time ( short time frame as it's days away now ) because I don't want to go food shopping after x and will want to make alternative plans for Sunday" so it puts a deadline on and makes it clear your not a last minute option at the weekend.

I say 'maybe' a lot but I have four kids and a very flakey friend who cancels weekend or evening plans 50% of the time. So I don't want to prioritise meeting her over family after many years of her bring unreliable. So unless your a major flake ( I bet your not), friend is being a bit rude

He doesn’t sound like a very nice friend. A normal response (if it was a genuine maybe) would be ‘thanks so much for the invite, not quite sure of what im doing that day yet, but i’ll let you know asap’.

I dont think i’d bother with a friend that was so rude as to just write ‘maybe’. I’d invite someone else or make other plans now. Dont wait for him to message again.

Dosent.matter if its people you don't know. You will get to know them over lunch.

Everyone was a stranger at one time.

To be honest, while your response would be dressed up more politely, it still says to me that you’re waiting for a better offer.

If someone sends an invitation you decide whether you want to go, check your diary and then either accept or politely decline.

If someone makes a deliberately vague reply it often means that they want to hear more details before accepting/ committing.

All too often the "friendly Inviter" has form for issuing an "invitation" that's just the cover for a giant favour right after lunch, "picking your brains" or "borrowing you muscle"

You are over thinking this. You said he's a very busy man. Maybe he's seeing if he can juggle what he is already doing so he can.

Just say let me know by tomorrow

I'll admit I've sent a "ooh maybe" response, but it's usually because I'm in the middle of e.g. washing the dog or a work meeting and what I mean is I'll look at the diary and come back to you. However it sounds like he's just rude and inconsiderate of your time, so I hope you did send the response reminding him of a polite answer. He sounds like a tosser and I hope there are nicer people at church than him?

In response to a PP, I don't think it's always rude to say "I'm not sure what I'm doing yet" as it doesn't always mean "I'll see if I get a better offer". If a friend says this to me it's more likely to mean something like "I have visitors arriving but I'm not sure yet at what time" or "I've said I'll walk my neighbour's dog if she's still feeling poorly but I won't know til tomorrow".

Not saying this is the case with your friend, but you shouldn't assume someone asking who else is going to be there is that they want to make sure the 'right' people are there, it can also be about avoiding someone specific. I've had it before with a friend, who blew up at me for asking who else was going to be there, when I'd happily have spent time with just my friend, or indeed any of their other friends, but, after a day of dealing with sexist creeps at work, I really didn't want to have to spend time with the sleazy, creepy boyfriend of one of their friends who always seemed to make a beeline for me.

All too often the "friendly Inviter" has form for issuing an "invitation" that's just the cover for a giant favour right after lunch, "picking your brains" or "borrowing you muscle"

but over time you get to know who does that, like OP knows this guy often says "maybe" and she can't pin him down. So you tailor your response to the asker.

Playing devils advocate here he may have been asked by someone else before you asked and is waiting to see whether that is going ahead so he might be free depending on what happens with that. If this is the situation he was worded his reply badly

Unless it's followed swiftly by a "What time are you planning?" I would respond as pp.
"Not to worry, I have made other plans, see you at Church or similar".
You need to reset thar relationship.

That is true this close to the date.

I do sometimes say maybe to friends (in a very polite way) if im not sure of plans with the family. For example, if a friend invited me round May bank hols now, I would have to say not sure what we are doing with the family now. But I agree, this close to Easter, it is just rude not to say yes or no politely now.