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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited friend for Easter lunch. Rude response?!

203 replies

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 07:46

So I invited one of my closest friends over for lunch on Sunday after church. He's on his own, I'm on my own. Thought it would be nice to have some company.

So the text conversation went like this;

"Would you like to come over for lunch on Sunday?"

"Maybe".

Is this not bloody rude? AIBU to be a bit bloody miffed?!

If ever I ask him out for lunch/dinner/day out/etc, he is always busy but he always expects me to drop my plans whenever he wants to go out.

Some people just don't realise that friendship is a two-way thing, I guess.

OP posts:
TortolaParadise · 05/04/2023 08:25

Bunce1 · 05/04/2023 07:52

So rude. I’d reply and say

good job you’re just a maybe! 😜 Somethings come up so will reschedule for another time. Have a good weekend.

I like this.

SkyandSurf · 05/04/2023 08:27

So rude. Revoke the invitation.

'Hi friend, never mind then, I'll make other plans. See you another time.'

Oldermum84 · 05/04/2023 08:29

My brother is like this. I used to invite him and his girlfriend round for barbecues and he would reply maybe, but won't say yes yet in case something else comes up. So rude. Commit to coming or say no. I stopped inviting them.

ReneBumsWombats · 05/04/2023 08:30

And he's one of your closest friends?

RichardHeed · 05/04/2023 08:31

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 07:50

I know he's waiting to see if he gets a better offer. Which is really hurtful.

If ever I ask him out for lunch/dinner/day out/etc, he is always busy but he always expects me to drop my plans whenever he wants to go out.

Some people just don't realise that friendship is a two-way thing, I guess.

Kindly, after reading these statements, whey are you still bothering with him? You seem desperate for a friendship from someone who doesn’t care about you. Do you have bigger feelings for him you’re not admitting to here?

user1492757084 · 05/04/2023 08:34

Text back that he needs to respond either yes or no before 7:00 pm tonight so that you have time to make other plans.
He is rude and it is silly that you need to spell out an acceptable response to him.

Does he have a personality disorder?

MultipleVeganPies · 05/04/2023 08:34

Yeah OP this is never going to happen, he’s not into you, not even as a “friend”

I would say: don’t worry, I actually got other plans now. then totally ditch

you can’t let people treat you like this

WonderingWanda · 05/04/2023 08:34

I think my reply to that would be 'Don't trouble yourself, I've invited someone else now'

Isthisexpected · 05/04/2023 08:37

People have assumed this is via text. I thought it was an actual conversation, which I think makes a difference. It's worse in person!

Mindymomo · 05/04/2023 08:37

Text back, don’t worry I will make separate plans, have a good Easter, see you soon.

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2023 08:38

If he’s a close friend, can you not be blunt?

’Maybe? That’s a bit rude! What do you need to know to decide?’

Theeaglesoared · 05/04/2023 08:39

He's a friend? He wouldn't be a friend of mine.

LadyKenya · 05/04/2023 08:40

NeedToChangeName · 05/04/2023 07:55

2 separate issues

Generally messing you around, refusing to commit? Some people like to be flexible / spontaneous, but that wouldn't work for me, so I'd slowly back off from the friendship

One off Sunday lunch? I'd send another text "if you'd like to come, please let me know by lunch time tomorrow. If you're not available, I'll probably wish to arrange something else for that day"

People can only mess you around if you let them do so

This.

TheSnowyOwl · 05/04/2023 08:43

Just reply and say “I’ll take that as a no and make other plans.”

SkyandSurf · 05/04/2023 08:44

TheSnowyOwl · 05/04/2023 08:43

Just reply and say “I’ll take that as a no and make other plans.”

Yep actually. This is perfect response.

Greenfairydust · 05/04/2023 08:46

No more invites for him...

Sounds like he is just waiting to see if something better turns up.

I would not even reply to what he sent you.

If he does text you again, just say ''sorry we have made other plans now'' and don't bother with him anymore.

CaveatmTOR · 05/04/2023 08:46

He is not a friend. I would drop the rope.

ArdeteiMasazxu · 05/04/2023 08:46

SkyandSurf · 05/04/2023 08:44

Yep actually. This is perfect response.

Show quote history

exactly. “I’ll take that as a no and make other plans.” is exactly the right response.

mondaytosunday · 05/04/2023 08:46

I also get 'I'll let you know'. If you are out and about and really don't know your diary fair enough (though this wouldnt count for something special like Easter Sunday), but then I'd expect a prompt reply later when home.
So now if someone says that to me, I give a firm cut off so I can make alternate plans.

Stravaig · 05/04/2023 08:46

'Invitation revoked.'
Make sure you're out or ready to ignore/send him away if he shows up anyway!

ConstanceOcean · 05/04/2023 08:50

If he said “thanks for the offer, I’m not sure what my plans are yet so I’ll let you know as soon as I can”.
Then I would be fine with it.

Replying with just “maybe” would piss me off and I’d be cooling off from this ‘friend’.

Stop inviting him to do stuff and say you’re busy if he invites you.

Moveoverdarlin · 05/04/2023 08:51

I wouldn’t reply and if his maybe turns in to a yes nearer the time, I would say ‘sorry I have made other plans now, when you said maybe, it sounded like you were giving me the brush off, so I took the hint and made plans now.’

And I’d never bother with him again.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/04/2023 08:52

‘Never mind, then - I won’t expect you. Have a nice weekend.’

@pollykitty , that told her! 👏👏👏

Greentree1 · 05/04/2023 08:53

Sounds like a teenager response to almost anything, do you want to go out, maybe, do you want to get a takeaway, maybe.....

My usual response is:
'Is that a definite maybe? Just so I can plan ahead.'

Or as one of my Uncle's once said (not as a joke), 'Let me know when you're coming and I'll be out'

Sarvanga38 · 05/04/2023 08:53

Bunce1 · 05/04/2023 07:52

So rude. I’d reply and say

good job you’re just a maybe! 😜 Somethings come up so will reschedule for another time. Have a good weekend.

My 50p is on him suddenly being very available and insisting that OP sticks to her invitation, then cancelling on the day ...