Invited friend for Easter lunch. Rude response?!

[Sortyourlifeout]

So I invited one of my closest friends over for lunch on Sunday after church. He's on his own, I'm on my own. Thought it would be nice to have some company.

So the text conversation went like this;

"Would you like to come over for lunch on Sunday?"

"Maybe".

Is this not bloody rude? AIBU to be a bit bloody miffed?!

If ever I ask him out for lunch/dinner/day out/etc, he is always busy but he always expects me to drop my plans whenever he wants to go out.

Some people just don't realise that friendship is a two-way thing, I guess.

@Sortyourlifeout do you want to be more than just friends with him?

He could have said, "Can I let you know by.......?". Which I have done occasionally when juggling possible dates with more than one person (dates to meet, not romantic ones). But I get back to them asap.

I'd assume he means no, unless he gives a plausible reason.

Nope!

I would just say "why maybe?"

You say it's because he is waiting for a better offer, let him say that. Or explain otherwise.

I always think people who say maybe are keeping their options open. Waiting to see if a better offer comes along. I wouldn't hold on too tightly to a friend who frequently does this. I would do other things myself, even if it meant a cinema trip or other day out on my own. If you are 'busy' sometimes when he wants to do something he might change his attitude towards you. If he doesn't you will know he doesn't value the friendship much. 💐

Mil does this all the time, it's so rude. It's like she expects us to keep a whole day clear just in case she decides she wants to come over. We've started to just assume she's not coming and if we make other plans then tough.

Good for you telling him to stick it, don't be someone's back up plan.

Don't ask him again and definitely don't drop everything to oblige when he invites you.

Why are so many women on here so desperate for male attention that they are willing to put up with absolute dregs to get it? I don’t get it.

@Sortyourlifeout surely you deserve better than this? And surely he doesn’t deserve you as a friend? Have some self-respect.

Honestly, I would block him, make plans with nicer people or just do something nice for yourself.

It's a really short and offhand way for a supposedly close friend to reply. Is he truly a close friend?

I'd be shocked if a close friend replied to me like this and rather than be offended, I'd be concerned that there was a pretty serious issue I somehow hadn't clocked... like I'd offended them badly without knowing, or they were in a really upset state about something.

You've said this is nothing new, so presumably he's been similarly curt and offhand before. With no disrespect, are you really short enough on friends that this guy qualifies as 'close'? Because if a close friend spoke to me like that with no good reason, I'd be leaving them in my dust.

Definitely this

So pre-empt.

'Well, not to worry, another friend has invited me over and as you hadn't confirmed I've accepted their offer. See you soon'

This ^^

Friends reply with a thank you for the invite, and then explain if they aren't sure for definite if they are able to attend, but will let you know ASAP.

Leave it then if he messages back say "sorry I hadn't heard from you so I've made alternative arrangements now"

Job done ✅

Great reply

I thought this too because I cannot think why youre allowing some bloke from church to be so rude to you.

I wouldn't be sending another text giving a deadline to confirm yes or no.

That gives more power than the "maybe".

I'd respond with one of the above about not worrying as have other plans or offers or whatever.

And if he suddenly asked Friday or Saturday if the offers still there it'll be a firm "no"

He's keeping you as a plan B

Has he replied to you?

Then he's not really your friend, he's using you as a fallback for when he has nothing else to do.

Seriously, sack him off.

Did you send it? Has he replied?

He sounds like a prat.

That would be my response too.

OP, this man is very rude and really no friend. Stop trying. Your kind invitation needed a yes or no answer (politely, of course). "Maybe" is not it. All you can do is take it as a no and make other plans that don't include him.

CiderJolly

Why are so many women on here so desperate for male attention that they are willing to put up with absolute dregs to get it? I don’t get it

The thing is that the more unavailable you become, the more you ignore, the more interesting and attractive you become.

If you chase and make yourself available and sit around waiting then people think you will always be there. Where else will you go.

This isn’t just about male/female relationships but platonic friendships too

If you don’t want to be a doormat then don’t be. But be prepared to lose friends when you start to say no and don’t put up with their behaviour but those friends you lose are not your friends anyway.

I'd text back with, "Is that maybe as in you might have a something else on but it hasn't been confirmed yet and you'll let me know ASAP? Or maybe as in you'll not confirm in case you get a better offer? Because if it's the latter I'll go make better plans myself thanks!"

So this 'closest friend' never does anything that requires effort, never replies politely to invitations, never accepts things initiated by you, always expects you to drop everything for things initiated by him - generally unappreciative and discourteous.

Yet you still give him head space, feel upset by this but persist in maintaining the connection. He will never improve how he treats you because you are being a doormat I'm sorry to say, this passively accepting being treated like a sad sock waiting to be put on a foot really isn't going to make him realise how patient and good you are.

He's an arse, this won't change, and you are accepting disrespect as the currency of your friendship.

You need to cut ties, you'll breathe more easily, stop angsting over his shitty self and when you strike up another friendship push back against disrespect or you'll just attract users.

I've got a friend who does something similar - she asks to meet up, I let her choose the day because she works and I don't. We arrange things, then the day before she'll alter the time or place. Irritating.

OP, I'd tell your friend "Actually, I'm going out that day so I'll see you another time"

Actually, that's perfect. I see OP wants to use it too, and hope she does.