Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited friend for Easter lunch. Rude response?!

203 replies

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 07:46

So I invited one of my closest friends over for lunch on Sunday after church. He's on his own, I'm on my own. Thought it would be nice to have some company.

So the text conversation went like this;

"Would you like to come over for lunch on Sunday?"

"Maybe".

Is this not bloody rude? AIBU to be a bit bloody miffed?!

If ever I ask him out for lunch/dinner/day out/etc, he is always busy but he always expects me to drop my plans whenever he wants to go out.

Some people just don't realise that friendship is a two-way thing, I guess.

OP posts:
IAcceptCookies · 05/04/2023 08:54

Wow. It's not just inconsiderate because a lunch for a guest takes planning and shopping; it's basically saying "you're not very important and I don't care if I mess you around/make you feel unappreciated/ cause you inconvenience. But I may still use you as a last resort."

If there was a genuine reason that made it difficult to commit then he should have explained.

I'd go with the "I'll take that as a no" response and not invite him again.

Coffeetree · 05/04/2023 08:54

The only acceptable "maybe" response is a qualified one, like "I might have xyz happening but I'll know by tomorrow so can I confirm with you then?"

The one-word "maybe" is so rude I'd assume he doesn't want a friendship.

foulksmills · 05/04/2023 08:56

Bunce1 · 05/04/2023 07:52

So rude. I’d reply and say

good job you’re just a maybe! 😜 Somethings come up so will reschedule for another time. Have a good weekend.

I think that's too polite. I'd go with "Tell you what, let's just leave it."

WisherWood · 05/04/2023 08:59

Or as one of my Uncle's once said (not as a joke), 'Let me know when you're coming and I'll be out'

Puts me in mind of a George Bernard Shaw quip. Someone sent him an 'at home' card - basically an invitation saying they were at home and so he could visit them. He just wrote back 'GBS likewise' and left it at that.

ClairDeLaLune · 05/04/2023 08:59

Wow that is so rude. But he doesn’t really sound like the type who plans ahead so it’s probably that rather than he’s waiting for a better offer. Perfectly reasonable of you now to say - let me know yes or no by the end of the day so I can make other plans if it’s a no.

ssd · 05/04/2023 08:59

Depends.
What age is he?
Sunday lunch with a friend, after she's been to church, would get this response from a 24 year old who knows he's going to the football then out with pals and can guarantee a hangover Sunday morning...

Sunday lunch with a friend, after she's been to church, shouldn't get this response from a 50 year old. Its bad manners either way but the young one I'd get more.

At the end of the day he isn't bothered.

Crumpetdisappointment · 05/04/2023 09:07

yes - if only he had said It Depends, instead of Maybe.
he needs to enlighten you op

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 09:07

ssd · 05/04/2023 08:59

Depends.
What age is he?
Sunday lunch with a friend, after she's been to church, would get this response from a 24 year old who knows he's going to the football then out with pals and can guarantee a hangover Sunday morning...

Sunday lunch with a friend, after she's been to church, shouldn't get this response from a 50 year old. Its bad manners either way but the young one I'd get more.

At the end of the day he isn't bothered.

He's 31. I can guarantee he's not out playing football, or doing anything else that requires any amount of effort...

OP posts:
Brefugee · 05/04/2023 09:11

just make plans based on him not coming.
You know him best so if you think he might turn up on spec- tell him first, now, that you have changed your plans since he was waiting for a better offer (use those words) and that he doesn't feature in them (since he couldn't commit)

and back away slowly, because nobody needs "friends" like that.

gloriousmulch · 05/04/2023 09:12

I think he's waiting to see if he feels like it or gets a better offer. If you can tolerate that, maybe give him a deadline to say yes or no by. Otherwise, just say ok, another time then.

Emotionalsupportviper · 05/04/2023 09:14

bananaboats · 05/04/2023 07:52

Why do you keep inviting him? He doesn't sound like he's really too bothered

This.

Just reply saying. "No problem. I was invited out by another friend just after I texted you and I'd really like to go with him as it's lovely to get out of the house and have a meal in good company."

Your "friend" is a tw*t!

Emotionalsupportviper · 05/04/2023 09:15

Bunce1 · 05/04/2023 07:52

So rude. I’d reply and say

good job you’re just a maybe! 😜 Somethings come up so will reschedule for another time. Have a good weekend.

Better response than mine. Go with this.

BellaJuno · 05/04/2023 09:16

Please tell me you’re not going to leave the invitation open while he considers his options, you’d be an utter mug to do that! Just reply with one of the responses suggested so far, people only get treat you how you let them treat you and he’s treating you like a fallback / last resort.

Emotionalsupportviper · 05/04/2023 09:17

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 07:58

It's not a no though.

A no would be fine (as long as he was polite about it, which he never is).

He might just has well said "I'll wait and see if I get another invite first".

Show quote history

DON'T GIVE HIM THE CHANCE!

BACK OUT - HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT!

Honestly - you are worth more than this.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 05/04/2023 09:17

Do you know him well? I would be tempted to reply with-

"The polite response is 'yes please' or 'no thank you'. I'll take your 'maybe' as a 'no' and will plan something else as I don't fancy being left trying to arrange something for myself at the last possible moment".

NormaTheWife · 05/04/2023 09:17

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 09:07

He's 31. I can guarantee he's not out playing football, or doing anything else that requires any amount of effort...

Show quote history

You sound like this is bothering you much more than you should let it. He sounds like a cock. Do you very much want to have him in your life?

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 09:19

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 05/04/2023 09:17

Do you know him well? I would be tempted to reply with-

"The polite response is 'yes please' or 'no thank you'. I'll take your 'maybe' as a 'no' and will plan something else as I don't fancy being left trying to arrange something for myself at the last possible moment".

I'm going to use this. Thank you so much!

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 05/04/2023 09:19

Never make someone a priority if they only ever see you as an option.
That's it really.

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 09:20

NormaTheWife · 05/04/2023 09:17

You sound like this is bothering you much more than you should let it. He sounds like a cock. Do you very much want to have him in your life?

Show quote history

Yes, it is nothing me, sadly. I know it shouldn't. I know I should let it go but I am struggling with it.

Sick of being a doormat 😒

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 05/04/2023 09:22

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 09:19

I'm going to use this. Thank you so much!

Show quote history

It's a good response.

Always protect your boundaries - if it's any consolation I have learned this the hard way. Probably most of us have.

Hope you have a lovely Easter.

Wishimaywishimight · 05/04/2023 09:22

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 09:19

I'm going to use this. Thank you so much!

Show quote history

I really wouldn't send that response, it's just too much, some of the earlier responses were better (and briefer / breezier). "I'll take that as a 'no' then, see you some other time" or something of that nature.

And stop "dropping everything" whenever he wants to see (i.e. has nothing 'better' to do'!), he might respect you and your time a little more.

Brefugee · 05/04/2023 09:23

if he regularly does this and it is clear to OP that he's just seeing if he gets a better offer that response is a perfect first warning that this will wash no longer.

ButteryNuts · 05/04/2023 09:24

Is he a bit of a short texter? Me and my best friend say 'Maybe' to each other all the time! It usually means I have plans that day already but give me more details and I'll see if I can change stuff round/squeeze it in.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 05/04/2023 09:24

If he is never polite and waits for better offers then ehy are you stillninviting him places?
Are you the same poster who asked the male friend if she could come out with him and the group of friends only to be told no?

Ktime · 05/04/2023 09:25

Bunce1 · 05/04/2023 07:52

So rude. I’d reply and say

good job you’re just a maybe! 😜 Somethings come up so will reschedule for another time. Have a good weekend.

I like this, send this.