Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited friend for Easter lunch. Rude response?!

203 replies

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 07:46

So I invited one of my closest friends over for lunch on Sunday after church. He's on his own, I'm on my own. Thought it would be nice to have some company.

So the text conversation went like this;

"Would you like to come over for lunch on Sunday?"

"Maybe".

Is this not bloody rude? AIBU to be a bit bloody miffed?!

If ever I ask him out for lunch/dinner/day out/etc, he is always busy but he always expects me to drop my plans whenever he wants to go out.

Some people just don't realise that friendship is a two-way thing, I guess.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 05/04/2023 07:49

Not the kind of friend I would bother with.

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 07:50

I know he's waiting to see if he gets a better offer. Which is really hurtful.

OP posts:
bananaboats · 05/04/2023 07:52

Why do you keep inviting him? He doesn't sound like he's really too bothered

EmpressaurusOfCats · 05/04/2023 07:52

A really close friend wouldn’t do that.

Bunce1 · 05/04/2023 07:52

So rude. I’d reply and say

good job you’re just a maybe! 😜 Somethings come up so will reschedule for another time. Have a good weekend.

dittbtdity · 05/04/2023 07:54

Bunce1 · 05/04/2023 07:52

So rude. I’d reply and say

good job you’re just a maybe! 😜 Somethings come up so will reschedule for another time. Have a good weekend.

Perfect response

Crumpetdisappointment · 05/04/2023 07:55

i guess he knows you well if he can make that sort of comment?

NeedToChangeName · 05/04/2023 07:55

2 separate issues

Generally messing you around, refusing to commit? Some people like to be flexible / spontaneous, but that wouldn't work for me, so I'd slowly back off from the friendship

One off Sunday lunch? I'd send another text "if you'd like to come, please let me know by lunch time tomorrow. If you're not available, I'll probably wish to arrange something else for that day"

People can only mess you around if you let them do so

Tinkerbyebye · 05/04/2023 07:55

I would simply reply, don’t worry then I will make other plans

Crumpetdisappointment · 05/04/2023 07:56

i think it is a no from him but he cant think of a polite No, apart from a Maybe

Puppers · 05/04/2023 07:56

"I can't work with 'maybe' so let's not bother and I can make other plans"

NeedToChangeName · 05/04/2023 07:57

Crumpetdisappointment · 05/04/2023 07:56

i think it is a no from him but he cant think of a polite No, apart from a Maybe

@Crumpetdisappointment "thanks but I already have plans" would be a reasonable response

Phoebo · 05/04/2023 07:58

Just say I need to know by x so I can get organised. Not hard. Communication goes both ways and some people are a bit useless

Original poster
Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 07:58

Crumpetdisappointment · 05/04/2023 07:56

i think it is a no from him but he cant think of a polite No, apart from a Maybe

It's not a no though.

A no would be fine (as long as he was polite about it, which he never is).

He might just has well said "I'll wait and see if I get another invite first".

OP posts:
Catsmere · 05/04/2023 08:00

Was he trying (and failing) to be funny? It’s the sort of thing that might almost work as a joking response in person, where tone of voice and expression come into play, but definitely not as a text.

SnackSizeRaisin · 05/04/2023 08:01

Sortyourlifeout · 05/04/2023 07:50

I know he's waiting to see if he gets a better offer. Which is really hurtful.

I have a friend who does this. He also always asks who else is coming (he will want to come if certain friends are there too).
Don't take it personally - it's his bad manners. I laugh at my friend and ask him who else he wants to invite.

At the same time he's clearly not that into you so don't expect too much from him

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/04/2023 08:05

He doesn't sound like much of a close friend to me 😬

Beebopdrop · 05/04/2023 08:07

It's really rude. He's not a friend. I would reply 'Tell you what, don't bother." And leave it at that and not bother again

TomeTome · 05/04/2023 08:13

Just say that “maybe” means you can’t shop, can’t make other plans, and is genuinely a pain in the neck. Ask him to decide by midday today.

CatOnTheChair · 05/04/2023 08:14

I wouldn't reply "maybe" but that's what I'd be thinking.
Are you inviting just me? Great, I'll be there. Or a dozen other people I barely now, at which point I'll give it a swerve.
Are you talking a small lunch, done by 2. Or are you thinking a full on booze fest, going til midnight?
I'd want more details before committing.

Weallgottachangesometime · 05/04/2023 08:20

What an annoyingly pointless response.
I think just take control. Can’t you reply something like- “ok, let me know by x day if you can make it or not as I will be shopping that evening for Easter lunch food”.

Catsmere · 05/04/2023 08:22

CatOnTheChair · 05/04/2023 08:14

I wouldn't reply "maybe" but that's what I'd be thinking.
Are you inviting just me? Great, I'll be there. Or a dozen other people I barely now, at which point I'll give it a swerve.
Are you talking a small lunch, done by 2. Or are you thinking a full on booze fest, going til midnight?
I'd want more details before committing.

This is what gets me - those are all reasonable questions, things I’d want to know when invited, so why couldn’t he ask them instead of that one-word unenthusiastic response?

Rosula · 05/04/2023 08:22

Tell him if he can't confirm today you'll make other arrangements.

AuntMarch · 05/04/2023 08:24

CatOnTheChair · 05/04/2023 08:14

I wouldn't reply "maybe" but that's what I'd be thinking.
Are you inviting just me? Great, I'll be there. Or a dozen other people I barely now, at which point I'll give it a swerve.
Are you talking a small lunch, done by 2. Or are you thinking a full on booze fest, going til midnight?
I'd want more details before committing.

same, but if it was a close friend I would just ask those questions!

In OPs shoes, with a close friend I'd call him out on it. "Can you let me know by (whenever) please? A maybe is really frustrating as I can neither plan for lunch, nor make other plans myself if you are not available. It feels like you don't respect me when you just leave me hanging, like you are waiting for a better offer."

pollykitty · 05/04/2023 08:25

Yes it’s rude. Unless there is further explanation. Like, ‘Maybe, I’m have to go do this too, I’m not sure I’ll make it back in time.’ But just alone? I wouldn’t put up with it. A few years ago I had a mom text me that in response to an invitation to my daughter’s birthday party (for her daughter). I texted back, ‘I dont appreciate that. The correct response to an invite is either yes love to, or no sorry we cannot make it. This is a party with food and favors and I need a definite answer so I’ll mark you as no.’ (and yes, never spoke to her again, good riddance!)