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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

707 replies

Salemtrust · 04/04/2023 19:20

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
DoIWantThis · 04/04/2023 19:36

If they don't want her to stay they need to collect her

BananasinPyhamas · 04/04/2023 19:40

DoIWantThis · 04/04/2023 19:36

If they don't want her to stay they need to collect her

This

CollieFIower · 04/04/2023 19:42

DoIWantThis · 04/04/2023 19:36

If they don't want her to stay they need to collect her

This x 100

Findyourneutralspace · 04/04/2023 19:42

You haven’t kid napped her! They can collect her whenever they like.

FionnulaTheCooler · 04/04/2023 19:43

They're being ridiculous, it's not kidnap if they willingly let her go with you, or endangerment if another responsible adult is taking over. They want her home, they need to make it happen.

romdowa · 04/04/2023 19:43

Nah sorry but you took them away, so its your responsibility to bring them back or to take care of them. You've assumed a duty of care to these children and you can't just pawn them off on someone else without their parents permission.

rainbowunicorn · 04/04/2023 19:43

They sound like complete loons. 🤣

NoodleNuts · 04/04/2023 19:44

I think that YABU. You took your daughters friends away, their parents were happy for you to do that. You are now leaving them in the care of a 23yr old and her boyfriend, who presumably the other parents don't know.

You are responsible for these kids, you either have to stay with them or bring them home. I would be fuming if I was the parent of one of those girls.

Couldyounot · 04/04/2023 19:45

They sound extraordinarily hard work and rather silly. Can't be arsed to drive 4 hours? Let's call the police!

cansu · 04/04/2023 19:46

They need to pick her up. However it is poor on your part to change the arrangements.

skelter83 · 04/04/2023 19:46

I would probably be quite concerned. Some of the children are 10. That’s only Y5 at primary school. Do the children/parents know your step daughter?

EsmeSusanOgg · 04/04/2023 19:46

romdowa · 04/04/2023 19:43

Nah sorry but you took them away, so its your responsibility to bring them back or to take care of them. You've assumed a duty of care to these children and you can't just pawn them off on someone else without their parents permission.

But OP has offered the cover the costs of safe public transport back. Or for the parents to collect their child. I understand that this is far from ideal, but OP has let everyone know. Has a contingency plan and is happy to cover costs to reunite children.

I'm assuming this is a mega emergency.

Desperatelywantinganother · 04/04/2023 19:46

You are being extremely unreasonable. I would be furious and you would never be left in charge of my child ever again.
But calling the police is not the right response. They need to come and pick up their daughter.

Blinkingheckythump · 04/04/2023 19:47

I don't know how comfortable I'd feel about a 23 yr old I don't know and her bf looking after my child for the week like. Especially so far away. That said I'd come collect my child. Do her parents drive? I can only assume they don't if they aren't willing to collect her. It's decent of you to offer to pay for her transport home but I would not trust my 10-12 year old to travel hundreds of miles unaccompanied. It's a tricky one if they don't drive but you also can't help if it's actual emergency. I assume it's not home you're needed as otherwise you could drop her off. Saying they'll phone the police is a bit extreme . Do you know her parents?

Newusernameaug · 04/04/2023 19:47

YABU - What’s to say your daughters boyfriend isn’t a pedo? How are they to know?
4 hrs is a long way to drive, what if they don’t drive, can’t come due to work / financial reasons.

I think you should either drive the children home or pay for a DBS checked registered taxi

NoodleNuts · 04/04/2023 19:47

What if the other parents can't drive - or can't afford petrol for a 4 hour trip? OP took them away, OP is responsible for bringing them back.

BringItOnxxx · 04/04/2023 19:47

If it's a genuine family emergency then they should be a bit more understanding, however I understand why they are annoyed with the kids being left with people they don't know. Can you meet them half way?

dogsdogsdogs1 · 04/04/2023 19:47

You're in the wrong here. Maybe the other parents don't drive or can't afford or collect their daughter. The agreement was that YOU would be there to look after their DD. Not another random adult that they don't know. You either need to take the girl home or stay there yourself. You have not abided by the terms of your agreement. In a court of law, you would be in the wrong here.

FourTeaFallOut · 04/04/2023 19:48

Do they have transport to get to you? You can't expect a 10year old to manage a 4 hour journey on their own, a few could manage but for the ones who cannot then there is far too much scope for things to go wrong. And of course some people will be unhappy with you handing responsibility of their child to people who they have never met.

I feel for you, it's terrible timing. I think their language is dramatic but I think that your solution isn't great.

romdowa · 04/04/2023 19:49

EsmeSusanOgg · 04/04/2023 19:46

But OP has offered the cover the costs of safe public transport back. Or for the parents to collect their child. I understand that this is far from ideal, but OP has let everyone know. Has a contingency plan and is happy to cover costs to reunite children.

I'm assuming this is a mega emergency.

Show quote history

I wouldn't be a bit happy for my 12 year old to travel alone on public transport for 4 plus hours. Unless op is too unwell to mind the children or return then to their parents herself, then no I'm sorry its completely unreasonable. The children need to be brought home first and then deal with whatever emergency is unfolding or have the step daughter return them home

cestlavielife · 04/04/2023 19:49

It s not a school trip
Did anyone sign anything?
I doubt it.
Op has an an emergency and has offered gor them to be collected
No kidnapping

Newusernameaug · 04/04/2023 19:51

EsmeSusanOgg · 04/04/2023 19:46

But OP has offered the cover the costs of safe public transport back. Or for the parents to collect their child. I understand that this is far from ideal, but OP has let everyone know. Has a contingency plan and is happy to cover costs to reunite children.

I'm assuming this is a mega emergency.

Show quote history

Public transport is NOT safe, especially for a young girl that age.
just walk down a street with a young girl and see how many disgusting pervs there are about!

EsmeSusanOgg · 04/04/2023 19:51

romdowa · 04/04/2023 19:49

I wouldn't be a bit happy for my 12 year old to travel alone on public transport for 4 plus hours. Unless op is too unwell to mind the children or return then to their parents herself, then no I'm sorry its completely unreasonable. The children need to be brought home first and then deal with whatever emergency is unfolding or have the step daughter return them home

Show quote history

I'm assuming 2 hours. It's a 4 hour round trip. Potentially less time on public transport if they are on a mainline train.

Stopthatknocking · 04/04/2023 19:51

dogsdogsdogs1 · 04/04/2023 19:47

You're in the wrong here. Maybe the other parents don't drive or can't afford or collect their daughter. The agreement was that YOU would be there to look after their DD. Not another random adult that they don't know. You either need to take the girl home or stay there yourself. You have not abided by the terms of your agreement. In a court of law, you would be in the wrong here.

Court of law??? What law has she broken?
Its an unfortunate change of plan. They can collect or trust OPs dd to look after them.
It's an emergency, no laws are being broken

TeenLifeMum · 04/04/2023 19:51

You took responsibility for the dc. The parents may have reacted badly but I wouldn’t be happy entrusting you and then having my 10yo looked after by people I’ve never met. I can’t imagine a family emergency that wouldn’t see me sort dc out first.

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