Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

[Salemtrust]

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

You have merely altered the deal. They should pray you don't alter it further...

I'm not sure why people think the parents can't call police. Not because it's a crime, it isn't, but OP was in charge of their young child and left her without their agreement. Given they are concerned for her safety, they can ask police to do a welfare check and potentially look after her until they arrive. She is a minor who's been left many miles away with strangers, so police would at least check on her (and see if the boyfriend is known) while the parents travel there.

I’m definitely on team OP is Unreasonable, but the police probably wouldn’t consider this to be a high priority and the parents will probably be able to pick up their child before the police got round to doing a welfare check.

@Desperatelywantinganother - not sure what you're disagreeing with when you say "but", as I didn't say anything about priority (which will depend on whether DSD or the boyfriend are known to them). I was explaining what police would do, because some comments suggested a lack of understanding that there are things like welfare checks. If any of these posters are parents, then they should know that welfare checks exist, and are used for pre-teens/teenagers who get into vulnerable situations. Usually kids get themselves into those situations rather than the "responsible" adult just wandering off, but that's how it is.

It’s not kidnapping but YABVU.
yiu have taken responsibility of girls aged 10. I would not be happy at all if you passed the responsibility of my child
To someone I don’t know and even worse her boyfriend too. Especially if they are all sleeping over in the same
space. My child would not be comfortable with this but may just agree so as not to be left out.
How can you think it’s safe for a
ten year old to travel on her own for two hours on public transport on an unfamiliar route??
Understand it’s an emergency but I’d be livid. Where is the emergency if it’s not back home and you can’t bring her with you?

You should have dropped her home. You took on to take them away and you've changed the arrangement.

I'm sorry about the situation with your relative.

She said that the children are as young as 10, that’s primary school age, and they are 4 hours away. Children that young travelling by themselves for 4 hours on public transport shouldnt even be an option. Sorry OP, but I’d be fuming. It’s completely wrong to take someone’s children away and then announce actually I’m leaving so I’ll be leaving them with someone else! I’d come and collect them but I can understand why the parents aren’t happy about driving for hours to collect when you’ve changed the agreement / plans.

OP is super unreasonable here. I'm more shocked the other parents agreed to let a stranger look after their children while miles from home 😳

Ofc the children will 'probably' be fine but what sort of shitty parent is just going to hope for the best and leave their 3 primary aged children with 2 unknown, untrained and unchecked young people?

OP should have called all parents, returned all children and cancelled the trip. If anything does go wrong because one of these kids isn't being watched properly (or god forbid if step daughters boyfriend has any sort of interest in younger girls) this will be totally on OP

Sure the law of averages say nothing will go wrong and she will probably use that as an excuse to justify her terrible behaviour and make the other parents look unreasonable but in this case they really aren't (the police thing was probably because they were desperate and OP was giving them no reasonable option)

I can’t believe some of the responses on here. The OP had a change in circumstances - it happens. Life is complicated. She dealt it with it by solving the problem and offering alternative solutions. If you’re happy for your child to go away with another adult, accept that things don’t always go to plan. A bit of understanding goes a long way - the poor OP clearly has a serious emergency and would no doubt also prefer to stay on the trip with her own daughter (the girls, incidentally, will love having the 23 year old, clearly very capable, DsD coming to help out).

I understand the other parents’ frustration but being angry and threatening police action is counterproductive in these circumstances. The world would be a better place if everyone kept a bit of perspective and stopped being so reactionary and divisive.

OP, I hope your emergency resolved itself and that your daughter and friends enjoyed the rest of their trip.

Did you miss the bit where the children are 4 HOURS away?! Presumably the parents aren’t able to pick them up for any number of reasons. OP committed to taking their child, looking after her and returning her. She’s now abandoning her, 4 hours from home, in the care of a stranger. Unbelievably unacceptable. I can’t believe anyone is defending this.

Good Lord. You don’t just abandon a group of children in your care regardless of any “change in circumstances”. She certainly did not “solve the problem”, and the “solutions” she offered were wholly unreasonable. OP was not in a position to help out in this emergency- whatever it was. In the unlikely circumstances that it was life and death, and there was absolutely no one else , then she takes the children home first. End of.

No one seems to be having a go at the OP for having an emergency, because of course life happens. But she’s offering to let children as young as 10 stay with people who are presumably unknown to the other parents, or send the child home alone on public transport. She 10, 11 or 12. Those are quite frankly unreasonable solutions for children so young. Threatening the police is extreme, but I certainly wouldn’t be jumping for joy at the options offered by the adult in charge.

Agree. It's not the unfortunate curtailed trip I would have a problem with at all, or even being invited to come too get my child if she really, truly can't manage to return them herself for good reason. It's these proposed alternatives which - to me - show a serious lack of judgment.

I don't for one second think it's a privilege to look after my children but if the OP ever suggested she supervise my child again in any capacity I'd politely decline or insist on joining her on this basis!

I’d be furious at you too. They gave responsibility to you not someone else. They trusted you, not someone else. Sending them back by public transport wasn’t the deal. They are kids. You took them so your responsibility to bring them back safely and then deal with the emergency. Always put yourself in the other persons boots.

This. Can't believe how many 'furious' people there are on here. It's an emergency, a bit of compassion wouldn't go amiss. OP is trying to sort things the best she can in the circumstances.

I read the title as someone had threatened a police officer and had been arrested for it.

I'll get my coat.

I’m amazed you’re all still going on at the OP. She’s clearly not coming back now, understandably!

The OP’s solutions wouldn’t have been acceptable to me either and I would have picked my DDs up under those circumstances, mainly because I wouldn’t know I could trust the DSD’s boyfriend. (I wouldn’t be concerned about the DSD’s age.)

However, the anger on this thread is well OTT, when (assuming the story is real) the OP must be feeling under a lot of strain. Especially as it isn’t your own children who are involved here!

I think she sheet fact OP feels it’s appropriate to leave a group a children unsupervised for several hours shows what kind of person she is. (She has left for an emergency and the replacement childcare would’ve taken several hours to arrive!) - she states in an update that she is with the family member and her DSD has now arrived….
I also think it’s irresponsible of OP to think it’s okay to stick a child on public transport to travel 4 hours plus unsupervised.
It’s also unreasonable of OP & all the parents to allow one adult to travel 4 hours away alone!…. Accidents and emergencies happen, it’s. Too much for one adult! What if the accident happened to the only adult and she’d needed to be admitted to hospital?… what if a child fell ill and she’d needed to rush one to hospital?…. I don’t think any of the adults involved thought this through very well

Try rereading the post, once you then realise that you've got it all wrong. She wasn't leaving until her DD arrived the next day, then you can make an appropriate comment maybe?

This is what I said earlier. I’m surprised that none of the other parents offered. That is what I would do.🤷🏻‍♀️ Everyone seems very quick to judge the person in question and her solution to the problem.
If the parent who threatened the police trusted the person to take their child away for a few days why did they not trust her judgement to ask her Dsd and partner to step in ?

the poor OP clearly has a serious emergency
😂😂😂

Yeah. her judgement and credibility died.... RIP

Exactly. I do understand the mum being concerned, but I don't understand her anger and threatening police. Dsd is an adult, OP has an emergency, seems like a perfect solution and the other mums are happy enough. If it was me, I would be trying to help in an emergency situation, not make things worse. I would try to collect my child myself, (personally though, I would be happy for her to stay). According to Mumsnet , it seems I'm a minority 🤷‍♀️

Did the girls make it home safely?

Can't believe how many 'furious' people there are on here. It's an emergency, a bit of compassion wouldn't go amiss.

Unfortunately this has probably turned into an emergency situation for the parents involved, hence why some posters think OP is U. They think the new guardians of their children are an inferior substitute and the bottom line is they are worried for their child’s wellbeing. I think most people stop prioritising compassion when their kids may be perceived as at risk.