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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

707 replies

Salemtrust · 04/04/2023 19:20

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 04/04/2023 19:51

Offered for them to be collected? 😁 That's good of her.

Newusernameaug · 04/04/2023 19:51

Also depends on what the emergency is

Fatkittythinkitty · 04/04/2023 19:52

Surely it depends on the emergency?

I would do whatever I could to help if a mum in charge of my kid had a family emergency in the sense I'm thinking of - eg a parent having a heart attack or something.

I absolutely would not expect them to drive my kid home.

booksbooks8 · 04/04/2023 19:53

I think that as it is you who has changed the agreement, albeit for genuine reasons, you need to bring the child back yourself. Obviously if they are perfectly able to collect her themselves and just don't want to, then that is not great and I wouldn't have anymore to do with them in future, but you can't just put a child of that age on public transport against her parents' wishes.

romdowa · 04/04/2023 19:53

EsmeSusanOgg · 04/04/2023 19:51

I'm assuming 2 hours. It's a 4 hour round trip. Potentially less time on public transport if they are on a mainline train.

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My apologies for reading the distance and time wrong but I still wouldn't be happy. The children are ages between 10 and 12. I can't imagine a 10 year old child being OK with being on a train alone for 2 hours. I don't think many parents would tbh.

Newusernameaug · 04/04/2023 19:54

Having just re read your OP.

Firstly an ‘emergency’ isn’t needing to leave the following day!
Its 2 hrs each way. Get in the car now and return the child. I’m shocked you wouldn’t offer to do this??

Kedece2410 · 04/04/2023 19:54

In a court of law, you would be in the wrong here

Don't be ridiculous she's not broken any laws 🙄

MinnieEgg · 04/04/2023 19:54

An emergency is an emergency. You can't help it,

I wouldn't want my child on the care of a 23 year old and her boyfriend either.

The parents might be panicking if they can't get to their dd for any reason.

I wouldn't want my dd on a train on her own doo g am unfamiliar journey either.

Newusernameaug · 04/04/2023 19:55

Fatkittythinkitty · 04/04/2023 19:52

Surely it depends on the emergency?

I would do whatever I could to help if a mum in charge of my kid had a family emergency in the sense I'm thinking of - eg a parent having a heart attack or something.

I absolutely would not expect them to drive my kid home.

Yeah I’m thinking the word ‘emergency’ is misleading when she doesn’t even need to leave until tomorrow…… can’t be that urgent!

Ridingfree · 04/04/2023 19:55

I'd be really upset and annoyed at the prospect of my 10 year old being left with someone I didn't know and hadn't Met that was going themself with limited experience of taking care of a kid

Sorry but you really need to make arrangements to get the kids home or stay
The family emergency needs to be huge in my opinion to feel justified in trying to change plans. Ultimately you need to get those kids home if the parents aren't happy

Wtfisthis1 · 04/04/2023 19:55

NoodleNuts · 04/04/2023 19:44

I think that YABU. You took your daughters friends away, their parents were happy for you to do that. You are now leaving them in the care of a 23yr old and her boyfriend, who presumably the other parents don't know.

You are responsible for these kids, you either have to stay with them or bring them home. I would be fuming if I was the parent of one of those girls.

Totally agree with this. You need to bring them home if you can’t look after them. I’d be fuming if I were the parents too.

FourTeaFallOut · 04/04/2023 19:55

Fatkittythinkitty · 04/04/2023 19:52

Surely it depends on the emergency?

I would do whatever I could to help if a mum in charge of my kid had a family emergency in the sense I'm thinking of - eg a parent having a heart attack or something.

I absolutely would not expect them to drive my kid home.

Well, I would do whatever I could too. But then, I can drive, I'm healthy, I'm not looking after someone else who is house bound, I can afford it ...and all the other reasons why there might be a barrier which makes it difficult or impossible to collect their kid when the expectation was she would be looked after and returned by the same person.

IhearyouClemFandango · 04/04/2023 19:56

NoodleNuts · 04/04/2023 19:44

I think that YABU. You took your daughters friends away, their parents were happy for you to do that. You are now leaving them in the care of a 23yr old and her boyfriend, who presumably the other parents don't know.

You are responsible for these kids, you either have to stay with them or bring them home. I would be fuming if I was the parent of one of those girls.

I think this tbh. Obviously the police thing is a bit nuts though.

JKTrolling · 04/04/2023 19:56

They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

Hardly kidnapping if you are telling them to collect their own kid. Let them call the police and the police can give them some parenting tips.

You’ve done nothing wrong.

OneTC · 04/04/2023 19:57

Newusernameaug · 04/04/2023 19:55

Yeah I’m thinking the word ‘emergency’ is misleading when she doesn’t even need to leave until tomorrow…… can’t be that urgent!

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Might be flying somewhere and that's the first flight

drpet49 · 04/04/2023 19:57

romdowa · 04/04/2023 19:43

Nah sorry but you took them away, so its your responsibility to bring them back or to take care of them. You've assumed a duty of care to these children and you can't just pawn them off on someone else without their parents permission.

I agree with this. YABU OP.

timeforwotsits · 04/04/2023 19:58

I can’t believe the poll is leaning towards yanbu

I’d be furious!
you need to take the child home or pay for a taxi to take them back

Jackiebrambles · 04/04/2023 19:58

Bloody hell, I have a 10 year old and I’m pretty relaxed but not way would I be happy with a random 23 year old and her bf looking after him after you’ve left! Or having him travel 2 hours alone?

You need to get the kids whose parents are not happy with the new arrangement home.

YourMagicSwirlingShip · 04/04/2023 19:59

This is bonkers, as are some of the replies on here. I'm trying to imagine what I would do if I were the mum of one of your dd's friends. I'd probably offer to come and look after them myself. I'd definitely say omg nightmare, are you OK and is there anything I can do? And not start wanging on about the police/ kidnapping/ breaking agreements. I mean, really.

Ridingfree · 04/04/2023 19:59

You also can't expect popping a 10-12 year old on public transport by themselves for a 4+ hour journey reasonable suggestion

andweallsingalong · 04/04/2023 19:59

I think I'd be uncomfortable with 2 strangers looking after them, but suck it up if it was a group of children together, mine had a phone and it was an unavoidable emergency.

I would have been more comfortable with one young adult of the same sex though. Does she have to bring the boyfriend?

I also find myself wondering if it is really a true emergency given the extra day and no offer to take the child home.

MILLYmo0se · 04/04/2023 19:59

OneTC · 04/04/2023 19:57

Might be flying somewhere and that's the first flight

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Wouldnt they need to come home for their passport then? Unless they needed it for whatever the trip with the kids is i guess

usererror99 · 04/04/2023 20:00

Depends on the family emergency doesn't it? Unless it a close family member at deaths door YABVVVU

Whilst I wouldn't go so far as to accuse you of kidnapping I'd be bloody livid if I was the children's parents - it's your responsibility to accompany them and bring them home - not your other daughter and her boyfriend who the parents don't know from Adam. Offering to put the child alone on public transport at age 10-12 is ridiculous - a journey that would take 4 hours to drive is likely much longer on on public transport and would likely require changing buses / trains

SunshineGeorgie · 04/04/2023 20:00

What's the emergency which means you need to leave?

marrymeadam · 04/04/2023 20:00

I went to boarding school and travelled on trains from Penzance to Bristol for weekends and half terms from the age of 10. Kids these days don't even get the chance to show they can manage things like travel by themselves

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