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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step children calling my parents grandfather

248 replies

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:34

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

OP posts:
Inthesamesinkingboat · 04/04/2023 17:37

Not their blood??? Really? They’re kids FFS, they feel like part of the family, what are you going to do, tell them actually we don’t view you as a proper part of our family so don’t call us that. Mean, unnecessary, antediluvian nonsense.

Usernamesarenoteasy · 04/04/2023 17:37

So this woman is in an established relationship with your brother, and since being in that relationship has had more children, but they're not your brothers?

GalileoHumpkins · 04/04/2023 17:37

You also sound like a piece of work.

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:38

Usernamesarenoteasy · 04/04/2023 17:37

So this woman is in an established relationship with your brother, and since being in that relationship has had more children, but they're not your brothers?

Her child (Nancy) had had children, this making my brother a step grandfather.

OP posts:
Lovingitallnow · 04/04/2023 17:38

@Usernamesarenoteasy nancy- the kids has had kids. So obviously has been around a whole at this stage

GalileoHumpkins · 04/04/2023 17:38

Usernamesarenoteasy · 04/04/2023 17:37

So this woman is in an established relationship with your brother, and since being in that relationship has had more children, but they're not your brothers?

The woman's daughter has had some children.

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:38

GalileoHumpkins · 04/04/2023 17:37

You also sound like a piece of work.

Why?

Nancy (the 22 year old) doesn't call my brother dad yet my parents are called grandfather.

Can you explain that?

OP posts:
Lovingitallnow · 04/04/2023 17:39

What do her kids call your brother?

Mabelface · 04/04/2023 17:39

Blood has fuck all to do with it, poor Nancy and poor kids. This is just nasty.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 04/04/2023 17:39

Theyve been around long enough that the once 12 year old has now had children of her own who can speak but are still not considered part of the family?? Wow

Bluerobe · 04/04/2023 17:40

So if Nancy started young and was around 18 when she started having kids, that’s 6 years she’s called your parents grandparents, and no one has said anything in that time?

I’ll bet this is about inheritance

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:40

Just to be clear there are now three generations....

My brother + his partner
His partners kid (Nancy)
Her children x4

My brother isn't called dad by Nancy, but my parents are called grandfather/great grandfather etc.

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 04/04/2023 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RosJ · 04/04/2023 17:40

I think it can be awkward for a child to know how to address people so much older, so saying grandad etc can be a compromise. My friend's child used to call my dad Grandpa; it would have seemed too informal to call him by his name.
Not quite the same, but kids in London have started to address me as Aunty, now I have grey hair.

hourbyhour101 · 04/04/2023 17:41

I can't really understand this. If your parents have a issue with it - they can use their god given voices right ?

Personally if all parties are happy with it, Brillant for DSC. If not then people should say something.

That said it's 100% nothing to do with you.

Houseyvibe · 04/04/2023 17:41

I called my step mums mum grandma, I never called my step mum, mum,

don’t see a problem

KettrickenSmiled · 04/04/2023 17:41

You're not making any sense OP.

My brother has no blood children with the women
&
Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children,

Are you asking PP to believe that Nancy conceived these children while she was living with your brother, by a man other than he?

DiddyHeck · 04/04/2023 17:41

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

Gosh, if only they had voices that work when they open their mouths...

Jessstar · 04/04/2023 17:42

I don’t call either of my step parents mum or dad (I was a teenager when my parents divorced and their respective partners came on the scene) but my children call them Nanny and grandad.

Jemimapinotduck · 04/04/2023 17:43

My husband is my son's stepdad. From day one his family has treated him the exact same way as any other family member. He has always been referred to as grandson, nephew, cousin etc and he the same. I wouldn't be with someone whose family sound as awful and dismissive as yours

KettrickenSmiled · 04/04/2023 17:43

Sorry! Nancy is the woman's kid.
Apologies OP, it was difficult to follow.

Your brother sees his partner, Nancy, & all the other DC as his family.
Who are your parents to gainsay that?

All you are doing is making life difficult for DB because you dislike his partner. Stop it.

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

For what?

She is a piece of work by her various actions to my brother over the past 10 years, including cheating and violence. As well as the issues she has with everyone around her etc and also on the final warning with the housing authority over her anti social behaviour.

But that's not the issue.

My brother isn't called Dad but his parents are called grandparents..... is that a bit weird?

OP posts:
ScoopT · 04/04/2023 17:43

Why is it bothering you so much what Nancy calls your parents?

Why if your parents nothing of Nancy, have they not told her this?

I think there's more than one piece of work here

PrincessScarlett · 04/04/2023 17:44

I totally get it. I have a "Nancy" in my family who calls my DHs parent nan/grandad but doesn't call DHs sister mum.

I can't believe that Nancy (and her mum) has been in your family for years and you don't consider her as family.

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:45

KettrickenSmiled · 04/04/2023 17:41

You're not making any sense OP.

My brother has no blood children with the women
&
Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children,

Are you asking PP to believe that Nancy conceived these children while she was living with your brother, by a man other than he?

Nancy - in her twenties. Child of my brothers partner. Was born to another man before my brother was around. Nancy now has young children/toddlers.

OP posts:
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