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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step children calling my parents grandfather

248 replies

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:34

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

OP posts:
ASGIRC · 04/04/2023 18:30

willow7612 · 04/04/2023 18:24

I don't call my stepdad 'Dad' but my DC call him grandad. He is the only 'grandad' on my side they have ever known, which it sounds like could be the case here if 'Nancy' isn't in contact with her dad. Why does it matter, and surely your parents can speak for themselves?

My future children will also be calling my stepdad granddad, even though I never called him dad (I have one of those as well! who will also be granddad!)

I honestly dont see what the big deal is in all of this...

In fact it annoys me more that my stepdads grandkids dont call my mom grandma, even though they call their grandmas husband granddad! But thats because my stepsister is a monster from hell and hates my mom because she married her dad (massive Electra complex there)

iLiveALifeOfSin · 04/04/2023 18:34

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:05

@Puppers she's stoped her child having contacting with my brother and subsequently the "grandchildren" didn't have access to my brother or my parents (the great grandparents).... that was for about 18 months.

Is she didn't have previous form for acting as she does, that I think I wouldn't be on edge/thinking it's all a bit weird. Natalie is however unstable.

Wtf had that got to do with the grandkids (your words) calling your fucking miserable and nasty parents, their grandparents?

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 04/04/2023 18:34

You sound like an absolute wanker OP. Drip drip drip indeed.

Ikeatears · 04/04/2023 18:34

My dsd doesn't call me mum buts calls my parents 'grandparent' names. I don't find it weird but neither do my parents to be honest. They're happy that she considers them her family, because they are, blood or no blood...

TinyTeacher · 04/04/2023 18:35

I don't think it's unusual. My husband doesn't call his step-mother "mum". But my children call her "grandma". No, she's not related to them, but she's married to grandpa so it was the easiest thing for them. I don't think she minds, although I think she would if there were expectations e.g. we would never ask her for childcare (although she has offered to look after our eldest once, which was very kind) and her husband most often visits without her as he wants to see his son (my DH) and his grandkids and I assume she would rather have some time to herself.

I think it matters whether its just the name tag or an expectation of responsibility.

TortolaParadise · 04/04/2023 18:35

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:38

Why?

Nancy (the 22 year old) doesn't call my brother dad yet my parents are called grandfather.

Can you explain that?

Show quote history

perhaps out of respect for their great age?

iLiveALifeOfSin · 04/04/2023 18:35

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:20

Drip drip drip....

Oooo you've been caught out.

What a silly cunt ay

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:35

@iLiveALifeOfSin because it's clear that if they were blood grandparents, they wouldn't dare stop my brother or parents having any relationship with Nancy and her children.... yet because it's not blood, they do.

OP posts:
Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:36

I@iLiveALifeOfSin I've not been "caught out". I didn't want to sway anyones opinion and decided to state the facts.

OP posts:
Potsto · 04/04/2023 18:37

To answer your initial question... Not unusual.

My step-dad has always been "John" to me. Never dad, even though I had no relationship with my own. I called his parents Gran and Grandpa, like my step-cousins, even though I was 10 when I joined the family.

My children now call him Grandpa.

Could she initially have been copying her step siblings? I assume she saw your parents with them around.

The batshittery is a separate issue.

Lifeomars · 04/04/2023 18:37

Usernamesarenoteasy · 04/04/2023 17:37

So this woman is in an established relationship with your brother, and since being in that relationship has had more children, but they're not your brothers?

I couldn't work this out at all, very odd

ASixPackAndTheRadio · 04/04/2023 18:37

This is definitely true. 😏

turnthebiglightoff · 04/04/2023 18:37

I don't call my stepdad Dad but my son calls him Grandad.

You & your parents sound horrid.

Thegoodbadandugly · 04/04/2023 18:37

My son's wife has children from a previous relationship I call them my grandchildren as well as the children they have together, I can't understand why you and your family would be so rotten?

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:38

@TinyTeacher if the step mum split up with the bio dad, would you still see the step mum?

OP posts:
Mycathatesmecuddling · 04/04/2023 18:40

Nancy is 22 with 4 children? Really?

DoingUp · 04/04/2023 18:41

It sounds like Nancy likes your parents. I don't see the harm in that... Surely it's a compliment to them? Nancy and her children aren't responsible for her mum's shit character

iLiveALifeOfSin · 04/04/2023 18:42

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:36

I@iLiveALifeOfSin I've not been "caught out". I didn't want to sway anyones opinion and decided to state the facts.

Well then why did you post

Drip drip drip...

Rosula · 04/04/2023 18:42

Does Nancy have related grandparents whom she sees? If not she may see your parents as the only real grandparents she has if they are involved in her life. If anything, it's a compliment to them.

Potsto · 04/04/2023 18:42

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:38

@TinyTeacher if the step mum split up with the bio dad, would you still see the step mum?

Not TinyTeacher, but if my mum and step-dad split up, I'd still want him in my life, and I'm sure he'd feel the same. Because he's my dad, and my children's grandpa, in all but blood.

Womencanlift · 04/04/2023 18:42

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:54

@KettrickenSmiled no I feel nothing for the family. I have no relationship and everyone can see she's a wrong un.... and her actions have proven that.

Natalie or Nancy is a “wrong un”?

If it’s Natalie then why should Nancy and get children be punished by being pushed out of what she sees as her family because of her mums actions

If it’s Nancy then why are you giving this head space?

Either way the tone of your posts comes across as very judgemental and I can guarantee both Nancy and Natalie have picked up on that which may go some way to explaining their attitude towards you

nomoremerlot · 04/04/2023 18:43

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:36

I@iLiveALifeOfSin I've not been "caught out". I didn't want to sway anyones opinion and decided to state the facts.

Oh give over, you've done everything possible to try to sway opinions!

Whiskyinajar · 04/04/2023 18:43

My brother met a woman with a child. My parents included him among their grandchildren as soon as it was obvious the relationship was serious. The child (let's call him Tim) is every bit their grandchild as the biological ones. They don't treat him any different.

Newmum0322 · 04/04/2023 18:44

Honestly, I think you need to ask yourself why you’re so invested in this?

You should also ask yourself what the harm is, really? It’s like when people call people ‘aunty/uncle’ and they’re not related, who the fuck cares? Why is this such an issue that you’ve invested a whole afternoon to discussing it with strangers?

The only person that will be hurt if you say anything is Nancy and possibly her children. Any relationship that does exist will be damaged and nothing positive whatsoever will have been achieved! If you’re good with that then you have clearly have a problem much bigger than your OP.

RobertsRadio · 04/04/2023 18:45

It's not exactly The Waltons.