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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step children calling my parents grandfather

248 replies

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:34

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

OP posts:
IhearyouClemFandango · 04/04/2023 17:54

Why would he loose contact with his family? Are they going to cut him off because his step grandchildren call his parents great grandma etc?

I completely get why you are uncertain of her, but what have the kids and what they call your parents got to do with anything?

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:54

@KettrickenSmiled no I feel nothing for the family. I have no relationship and everyone can see she's a wrong un.... and her actions have proven that.

OP posts:
PrincessScarlett · 04/04/2023 17:55

You feel nothing for the family and rarely see them. Wow, just wow. Why on earth does it bother you that Nancy and her kids call your parents their grandparents if you feel nothing for any of them? Poor Nancy growing up in your family with no affection from any of you.

ShippingNews · 04/04/2023 17:55

I think you'll find that this is perfectly normal in families. My husband is not related to my kids , they call him John. But their children,who are also not related to him, all of them call him grandad. That's because he has been in their lives since birth, and he plays that role.

I'd suggest that you don't like Nancy , and that's why you are so negative. Nancy's children are related to their fathers parents - of course they call his parents Grandma and grandpa Grandad.

Time to chill about this.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 04/04/2023 17:55

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:52

Just another part of the back story I've left out. Natalie (my brothers partner) was addicted to getting high from prescription pain killers, assaulted my brother and he had to move out of the flat. All the possessions where his but she was named on the tenancy.

So during that time he had to live in a HMO and wasn't allowed to see his grandchildren/his step daughter (who's in her 20s).

So maybe that's why I'm being a bit protective - because he could loose all contact with that side of his family.

Put the green eyed monster away and keep your neb out!

All your posts after the first one are pure embellishment because it isn't going the way you expected.

KettrickenSmiled · 04/04/2023 17:55

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:52

Just another part of the back story I've left out. Natalie (my brothers partner) was addicted to getting high from prescription pain killers, assaulted my brother and he had to move out of the flat. All the possessions where his but she was named on the tenancy.

So during that time he had to live in a HMO and wasn't allowed to see his grandchildren/his step daughter (who's in her 20s).

So maybe that's why I'm being a bit protective - because he could loose all contact with that side of his family.

But you're not being protective, you are being carping & unreasonable.

HTH

IhearyouClemFandango · 04/04/2023 17:55

But Natalie is the kids' grandma, quite far removed. Why would their feeling about her cloud their opinion of the kids?

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:55

@Jemimapinotduck if there was a relationship breakdown with your dad and stepmom, would you still let her see your family (if she requested)?

OP posts:
Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 04/04/2023 17:56

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:54

@KettrickenSmiled no I feel nothing for the family. I have no relationship and everyone can see she's a wrong un.... and her actions have proven that.

Then stop coming across such a mean and jealous person. It's not your business what the kids call your parents.

namechange3394 · 04/04/2023 17:56

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:46

Have I made it not every clear?

Nancy - was a teenager when her mother (Natalie) got with my brother. Natalie can't have any more children. Nancy has had children, making my brother and her mother (Natalie) grandparents.

So you acknowledge that your brother is their grandparent? But your parents aren't their great grandparents?

Coffeellama · 04/04/2023 17:57

I don’t understand why you judge Nancy and her kids, when she’s been raised by an abusive mother and done absolutely nothing wrong.

nomoremerlot · 04/04/2023 17:57

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:34

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

Goats have kids!

Nancy is a child, your whole post has a horrible feel about it.

The apple didn't fall far from the tree in your family did it.

If your parents don't like it, why the fuck didn't they speak to their son about it, instead of bitching to you.

Franklin2000 · 04/04/2023 17:57

You may feel the mother is ‘a piece of work’. However Nancy was a child. Maybe she didn’t have bio grandparents. Maybe they’re not very nice or she doesn’t see them very much and she felt your parents were kind and loving. Maybe if your brother doesn’t have his own children he thought it would be nice for her to have a connection with his parents. Either way if your parents weren’t happy with it they should have mentioned it the first time she called them it, not after several years and 4 of her own children. Get a grip.

RagingWoke · 04/04/2023 17:57

Surely the time for your patents to raise it was sometime in the last 10 years when she started calling them grandad/nana if they're bothered by it. How do your parents feel, are they happy being called grandparents?

If it's just you bothered and your parents have a good relationship with Nancy and her children the it's got nothing to do with you.

hadenoughofhisshit · 04/04/2023 17:59

I don't call my stepfather Dad because I had a Dad once but he is Grandpa to my children. His parents also bought me cards from Nanny and Grandad.

I agree - you're a piece of work

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:59

@namechange3394 my brother has known thee grandchildren since birth, cared for them etc and has been with Natalie for a long time.

Equally Nancy has known my brother as long as her children have, since she was 12, and I don't think she has her biological dad around (rumour is it's due to the mum),

OP posts:
RagingWoke · 04/04/2023 17:59

Overlooked the bit about not thinking they are blood. Utterly cruel. All BU and unnecessarily nasty to small children.

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:00

@RagingWoke is it cruel to children if when Natalie and my brother split up, all contact with my side of the family is made? Eg that's happened before and my brother couldn't see his grandchildren/step daughter.

OP posts:
Catzpajamas · 04/04/2023 18:00

My daughter calls my dad’s 2nd wife Granny.. but I don’t call her mum..

IncompleteSenten · 04/04/2023 18:01

If they don't like it they have the option of opening their mouths and saying so.

Family is more than blood imo and I think it's sad they don't see these children as their family.

Coffeellama · 04/04/2023 18:01

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:00

@RagingWoke is it cruel to children if when Natalie and my brother split up, all contact with my side of the family is made? Eg that's happened before and my brother couldn't see his grandchildren/step daughter.

See… grandchildren. So no it’s not weird that they call your parents grandma etc. You are just a nosy viper.

Puppers · 04/04/2023 18:02

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:43

For what?

She is a piece of work by her various actions to my brother over the past 10 years, including cheating and violence. As well as the issues she has with everyone around her etc and also on the final warning with the housing authority over her anti social behaviour.

But that's not the issue.

My brother isn't called Dad but his parents are called grandparents..... is that a bit weird?

Show quote history

Sounds really normal to me 🤷‍♀️ Nobody in my/DH's extended families calls their step-parents mum and dad. But all of their children call the step-parents grandma and grandad. Our kids included; DH calls his stepdad Bob (not real name) but our kids call him grandad. DH also lived with his stepdad from the age of 10 or 11.

Perhaps your brother's partner is unpleasant, but it really takes a particular type of person to take that out on the children and furthermore on their children. 2 generations of kids being judged for their mother's actions. It would be very cruel for your parents to tell these children - who clearly consider them to be an important part of their lives - that actually they don't give a shit about them and don't want them to call them grandma/grandad. So nasty.

namechange3394 · 04/04/2023 18:02

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:59

@namechange3394 my brother has known thee grandchildren since birth, cared for them etc and has been with Natalie for a long time.

Equally Nancy has known my brother as long as her children have, since she was 12, and I don't think she has her biological dad around (rumour is it's due to the mum),

Presumably your parents have known them for nearly as long though...

I don't really understand how it would be consistent for you to say your brother is their grandad but you're so adamant your parents aren't their great-grandparents, sorry!

AveragePerson5 · 04/04/2023 18:02

I think that’s fairly common. Similar set up has ended up happening in my extended family.

It’s understandable that Nancy wouldn’t call your brother dad as she was 12 when they met. Differs in some families but by no means uncommon.

Nancy’s children have known your parents since babyhood so yes that is understandable they call them grandparents.

I can see how you think it’s odd when you write it down like that but what you have described is not an unusual outcome at all. Quite normal.

Meandfour · 04/04/2023 18:03

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:38

Her child (Nancy) had had children, this making my brother a step grandfather.

Show quote history

your parents sounds awful. These are innocent children.

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