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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step children calling my parents grandfather

248 replies

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:34

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

OP posts:
CrazyHedgehogLover · 04/04/2023 19:49

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

This is what you’ve posted OP..

ASixPackAndTheRadio · 04/04/2023 19:50

Mumsnet need to deleted this load of shite. It’s clearly bs.

Bluerobe · 04/04/2023 19:52

This all came back to me at a party in the last few years when I was introduced to a teen/adult as ‘this is Sarah, she’s Tim’s not mine’ by a parent. I rarely take an instant dislike to someone but my hod

My partner pulled me up a few years ago for often explaining to people that he wasn’t my teen son’s dad (I only did it as we didn’t live together then so thought the dynamic might seem odd if people knew that). He’s never tried to replace my son’s dad but he said “can you just say “our lad” in future?” I loved that.

Macaroni46 · 04/04/2023 20:12

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 19:16

@Macaroni46 no they weren't moaning "behind their back". I saw a card for Father's Day from the grandchildren and got talking to my dad about it.

So it's you who's got the issue when it's nothing to do with you!
Yet you also state that your parents don't think of the children as their grandchildren as they're not 'blood relations'. So who has the issue?

monsteramunch · 04/04/2023 20:14

I haven't stated they dislike or don't desire to be called grandparents.....

I mean you literally did though...

Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc

You literally said they don't like to be called grandparents by her.

MrsHughesPinny · 04/04/2023 20:16

I think this is awful. My Mum had a stepdad that she always referred to by his first name but we always called him Grampy. He never once referred to / introduced us as anything but his grandchildren. Vile behaviour.

kirinm · 04/04/2023 20:45

I don't call my stepdad - who came onto the scene when I was 17- Dad' but my DD calls him grandad. That isn't at all odd.

ScoopT · 04/04/2023 20:47

This hasn't gone your way has it OP 😂

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 04/04/2023 20:51

Are you worried about, counting your inheritance? @northeasrer and worried that if your DPs are too fond of Nancy, she might get some? I hope your DPs leave it to cats or something

LittleMG · 04/04/2023 21:02

My best friends son is friends with my son, they were playing in my mum and dads garden and the little boy called my dad grandpa. I thought this was really sweet, he doesn’t have a grandad and was just joining in with my son. I wouldn’t get upset about this they’re kids the most innocent of all.

Puppers · 04/04/2023 22:44

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:05

@Puppers she's stoped her child having contacting with my brother and subsequently the "grandchildren" didn't have access to my brother or my parents (the great grandparents).... that was for about 18 months.

Is she didn't have previous form for acting as she does, that I think I wouldn't be on edge/thinking it's all a bit weird. Natalie is however unstable.

That's still nothing to do with the children and they don't deserve to be blamed for it.

Honestly you all sound a complete mess and I feel very sorry for the children who don't seem to have any decent adults in their lives.

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 22:49

@PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog actually that's what my dad said and with regards to inheritance - my parents house is worth £130k and there are nine of us, just children. Assuming my parents die and don't need to find their own support, it's hardly a big amount for anyone to worry about. We have all got professional jobs, own homes and my car is worth more than any inheritance.

OP posts:
Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 22:49

@monsteramunch yes, they don't like it.

Are they not allowed to have feelings?

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 04/04/2023 22:59

"............................and my car is worth more than any inheritance"

I think not, OP. The one thing that will depreciate in value really fast is a car.

TheShellBeach · 04/04/2023 23:00

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 22:49

@monsteramunch yes, they don't like it.

Are they not allowed to have feelings?

Make your mind up, OP. One minute you say they don't like it, then you say they don't mind it.

It can't be both, love.

monsteramunch · 04/04/2023 23:02

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 22:49

@monsteramunch yes, they don't like it.

Are they not allowed to have feelings?

Of course they are. Anyone can feel any way they want to.

That wasn't my point. I was pointing out that you lied.

You said they didn't like it in your first post.

Then later said you'd never said they didn't like it.

Which was a lie. That's all 🤷🏻‍♀️

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 04/04/2023 23:02

@northeasrer Nasty and superior, aren't you lovely... if it's not money related which I don't believe for a second why do you care?

iLiveALifeOfSin · 04/04/2023 23:36

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 22:49

@monsteramunch yes, they don't like it.

Are they not allowed to have feelings?

You first of all said they don't like it because they're not blood related.

Then you said they don't have a problem with it and you're the one with the problem when you saw the card.

Now you're saying they do have a problem.

Which one is it?

I'm finding it hard to believe you have a professional job or even a driving license at this point. I would trust you with a bin bag.

JudgeRudy · 04/04/2023 23:43

I think it's unusual that Nancy would call your parents grandma and grandad given that she was 12 when they were introduced but not wrong. I'm assuming Nancy calls your brother Dad too. Again unusual but not wrong.
I think it's perfectly natural that Nancy's children would call your parents great grandma/grandad and your brother grandad. I'd also expect them to call you (g)auntie. If it's something any of you feel uncomfortable with maybe you should have spoke up sooner.

Whydothat · 05/04/2023 00:30

You sound very put out by this. It sounds like your parents have tried to appease you by saying what you want to hear.
Its perfectly normal for step children to call step parents by their first name yet have their children call them Nanny/Grandad.
It really has nothing at all to do with you, your parents could say something if they don't like it.

Aldith · 05/04/2023 00:54

Definitely not unusual DH calls his stepdad by his first name but DH children with his first wife call his mum and stepdad nana and grandad. Your nose seems seriously put out of joint by this.

nex18 · 05/04/2023 01:04

You’d never understand my family, my dad remarried when I was an adult. My children were young (oldest was 3). I refer to his wife as my stepmother but only call her “Ann”, to my children she is Nanny Ann and always has been. I have 3 stepbrothers (also adults when our parents married) who my children call Uncle Tom, Dick and Harry, their children call my dad Grandad John, and me Auntie Jane. My dad passed away a couple of years ago, we still have the same relationship with the “step” family, although the oldest of the cousins are away from home at uni now so whole family meet ups are less frequent.

Rosebel · 05/04/2023 01:13

One minute your parents don't like it, the next they don't care. Either way it's nothing to do with you but try to be consistent at least.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 05/04/2023 04:49

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:38

Why?

Nancy (the 22 year old) doesn't call my brother dad yet my parents are called grandfather.

Can you explain that?

Show quote history

I suspect she's grown up around other kids calling your parents grandpa etc.

Your parents sound horrible, you sound worse.

MRex · 05/04/2023 06:43

You're letting your feelings about DB's wife get in the way of normal relationships in families. We have an adopted cousin in ours; to us he's cousin, to DS he's Uncle, his wife is Aunty, kids are cousins, grandparents Nan and Grandpa etc etc. Yet in your version of reality we aren't supposed to allow him or his kids to use family titles because they aren't "blood"? We are family, so we use the titles that fit to recognise that bond, and I'd be disgusted by anyone behaving otherwise. In your posts it's all about pushing them out, that they don't have a "right" to be called family. Your parents come across in this as very unpleasant, and so do you. I feel so sorry for those kids, but they'll see you for what you are eventually.