Step children calling my parents grandfather

[northeasrer]

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

Wow you sound like a lovely family. What an attitude

I dont think it's an unusual situation. My friend calls her stepdad by his first name because he's not her Dad. She had a died who died. Her sons call her stepdad Grandpa because that's the role he plays in their life. Thankfully he's not put off by the fact she & her children 'aren't blood' and behaves like a normal person towards them

Maybe Nancy sees it as a sign of respect to the older generation rather than just saying Jim and Sue. If your parents have an issue then they need to tell her what they would like to be referred to as by Nancy and her children.

Regardless of what you think of your brothers partner, (and really after 10 years it’s his choice and you should support him) but your views on her shouldn’t impact how you treat her kid and grandkids. They see themselves as part of the family, after a decade you still have a problem with that?

Yes.

Nancy maybe has a bio dad she is in touch with, or at least remembers, so knows DB is her stepdad. Maybe she has no other GP's, so views your parents as her GP's? Either way, many people - most, if they are young - have more than one set, it's hardly outlandish.

You seem to take very snippy issue with it though. Do you feel possessive of your parents?

My brother isn't called Dad but his parents are called grandparents..... is that a bit weird

No not really.

Same here, my DS called my fil Grandad, my brother in law/sister in law Auntie and Uncle, they referred to him as nephew, their children are his cousins.

He doesn't call my DH dad, because he has one already. There is no limit to how many Aunt's, uncles etc you can have.

Have I made it not every clear?

Nancy - was a teenager when her mother (Natalie) got with my brother. Natalie can't have any more children. Nancy has had children, making my brother and her mother (Natalie) grandparents.

Very weird that your brother has been in a relationship with nancys mum since she was 12, but yet it’s taken for her to grow up and have 4 children for this to be an issue for you to moan about. If they didn’t like it they should have stopped it when she was still a kid… but the time the 4th kid is referring to them as great man/grandad it’s time to stop moaning. Nancy hasn’t done anything wrong, I feel quite sorry for her.

Its you and your family who are a "piece of work"

My husband isn't my children's father, they don't call him dad. My children called his mother nanna and my grandchildren call my husband grandad.
They are children of the family and are all treated equally by everyone in the family

Focused on the important issues, this post!

Weird post.

You initially say ‘and I don't think she calls my brother dad’. So you went from not being sure to being sure? And odd that you posted this anyway without knowing for sure.

How on earth is this woman ‘being a piece of work’ relevant to your issue?

You and your parents sound small-minded and unpleasant with nothing else to bitch about. Poor kids.

Not the issue?!
😂😂😂

So you are way more concerned about Nancy's kids calling your parents GP's than you are about the fact that you believe your brother is a victim of domestic abuse?

@KettrickenSmiled I feel absolutely nothing for the family and rarely see them, so it's just weird when I see cards with "to granddad/great granddad" etc.

The rest of my family don't have step children and growing up my parents where married.

I guess my family do see them more as they live close by and it would explain why Nancy doesn't call my brother dad.... but others do.

Perfectly normal in my opinion. I didn't call my step dad anything other than his name but my children all called him Grandad. That's how they viewed him & him then. Why do you care so much anyway?

I had 2 step-grans. One was from when I was a child and she was always just nana to me. The other one I met as an adult and she was always my step-nan.

If Nancy has been around for 10+ years, since she was a child, calling your parents her grandparents seems entirely normal. Her children calling them their great-grandparents? It would be stranger if they didn't.

Both you and your parents seem weirdly mean-spirited. Family is about much more than blood relationships.

Extremely normal to not call stepdad dad but call stepgrandparents nana/grandad I'd say. Loads of people have more than one nana/grandad (2 sides plus step or great grandparents) whereas the same doesn't really apply to mum/dad. My DC has 12 living "grandparents". The more the merrier.

Your parents sound quite nasty tbh. Don't they like being involved in Nancy's kids lives?

Sorry, misread that bit. Been a long day....

Op a family member in our extended family was adopted and some of the the family were very slow to accept her using the words ‘auntie’ or ‘granny.’ This all came back to me at a party in the last few years when I was introduced to a teen/adult as ‘this is Sarah, she’s Tim’s not mine’ by a parent. I rarely take an instant dislike to someone but my hod. Why should anyone ever ever make a comment that makes another person feel excluded? Let people call people what they like!!

Not weird. Presumably they are growing up with your parents in the great grandparental role/position, whereas Nancy never saw them as grandparents particularly because she was older when they met.

Why would it be relevant what her mum calls them?

Why weird? Do you not have any kids and you're jealous of them being called grandma/dad first? You're coming across jealous.

Oh and I didn't call my stepmum mum but my children have always called her grandma and her siblings aunty and uncle...we're all one extended FAMILY

Just another part of the back story I've left out. Natalie (my brothers partner) was addicted to getting high from prescription pain killers, assaulted my brother and he had to move out of the flat. All the possessions where his but she was named on the tenancy.

So during that time he had to live in a HMO and wasn't allowed to see his grandchildren/his step daughter (who's in her 20s).

So maybe that's why I'm being a bit protective - because he could loose all contact with that side of his family.

It's a weird thing for anyone to worry about tbh

Oh, you feel plenty for the family.

Superiority, contempt, & a distinct determination to give more of a shit about family naming traditions than your own brother's abuse.

@namechange3394 my parents are nasty how? They go along with the names even though it's not comfortable for them and they don't like Natalie..... so actually my parents are highly commendable.