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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step children calling my parents grandfather

248 replies

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:34

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

OP posts:
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 04/04/2023 18:16

It would be unbelievably cruel to stop a young woman and small DC to stop calling grandma ‘grandma’ etc. it’s nice they see them as their relatives. My mum has been a ‘step grandma’ several times over (my brother jumps from LTR to LTR like it’s going out of fashion ) and she always says ‘just call me nana’.

nomoremerlot · 04/04/2023 18:17

@northeasrer your parents have no boundaries, they've allowed this to go on for years!

They're just fucking spineless!

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:18

@Needanewnamebeingwatched she also refused to see the man who feed and sheltered her since she was 12 years old when he fell out with her mummy.......... I understand bonds with your own biological family maybe strong but when you have kids of your own and your own home, you set your own rules. She ignored my brothers messages to ask to see her/grandchildren.

OP posts:
tillytoodles1 · 04/04/2023 18:18

My daughter's stepchildren called her by her first name, but H and I were Nana & Grandad, and they called the rest of the family uncles, cousins etc.

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:18

@nomoremerlot seems like they are doing the right thing....

OP posts:
PrincessScarlett · 04/04/2023 18:18

Your parents should have spoken up 10 years ago when Nancy was 12. It's too late now and would come across as incredibly cruel to Nancy and her children. Regardless of what you think of Natalie, Nancy and her children have done nothing wrong and you and your parents refusal to see them as family is what is weird here, not Nancy and her kids calling your parents grandparents.

Do you have a relationship with your brother or has he been ejected from the family too?

TeenLifeMum · 04/04/2023 18:19

Nancy has been in your parents lives since she was 12 and now has 4 children… are calls then her grandparents because they were significant during her childhood. I don’t see what’s confusing. Your parents haven’t said not to call them grandparents for 10 years so it’s a bit heartless to suddenly change that. Is it really such an issue?

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:19

Ps my brother also has two other children who where stopped from seeing their step siblings/nieces and nephews

OP posts:
Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:20

Drip drip drip....

OP posts:
bellsandwhistles333 · 04/04/2023 18:20

If your parents don't want to be called nana and grandad then they should of stopped it when she first did it (nothing wrong with doing this by the way)

It's tricky if they've allowed it for many years and only now don't want like it 4 kids in

Is there a reason why it's an issue now and hasn't been for years for them?

TeenLifeMum · 04/04/2023 18:21

Of course she stuck to her “mummy’s” side in an argument… that’s pretty normal and depends on what it was about whether it was loyalty or she genuinely took that side. You seem to be looking for things to be angry about.

JKTrolling · 04/04/2023 18:22

She’s forcing a relationship between her child and your parents to ensure they get some inheritance. You can almost here her counting the money 💰

ASGIRC · 04/04/2023 18:22

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:38

Why?

Nancy (the 22 year old) doesn't call my brother dad yet my parents are called grandfather.

Can you explain that?

Show quote history

I dont call my stepfather dad, I call him by his name, but I call his sister and her husband Aunt and Uncle. And I refer to their children as cousins (and they call me niece and cousin as well)

why is that different?

nomoremerlot · 04/04/2023 18:22

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:19

Ps my brother also has two other children who where stopped from seeing their step siblings/nieces and nephews

None of your business

Somebodiesmother · 04/04/2023 18:23

If all you drip feeds are true then why is it the name issue you care about rather than the rest of the shitshow?

StaceySolomonSwash · 04/04/2023 18:23

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:34

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

I truly hope this isn't real.

willow7612 · 04/04/2023 18:24

I don't call my stepdad 'Dad' but my DC call him grandad. He is the only 'grandad' on my side they have ever known, which it sounds like could be the case here if 'Nancy' isn't in contact with her dad. Why does it matter, and surely your parents can speak for themselves?

nomoremerlot · 04/04/2023 18:24

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:19

Ps my brother also has two other children who where stopped from seeing their step siblings/nieces and nephews

So what do his two children from his other failed relationship call their mothers new family?

DiddyHeck · 04/04/2023 18:26

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:20

Drip drip drip....

Are you accusing yourself of drip feeding here or have you fucked up a name change? Confused

drpet49 · 04/04/2023 18:27

You need to encourage your brother to leave his abusive girlfriend

AlwaysGinPlease · 04/04/2023 18:27

None of your business at all.

Irritateandunreasonable · 04/04/2023 18:28

Wtaf is wrong with you all?

nomoremerlot · 04/04/2023 18:28

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:20

Drip drip drip....

You've forgotten to name change to argue with your alter ego!

School holidays ....

Jagoda · 04/04/2023 18:28

OP, can you explain exactly how the fact these children call your parents “grandma/grandad” affects you?

Other than making you ridiculously jealous…

ichundich · 04/04/2023 18:30

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:46

Have I made it not every clear?

Nancy - was a teenager when her mother (Natalie) got with my brother. Natalie can't have any more children. Nancy has had children, making my brother and her mother (Natalie) grandparents.

We have the exact same set-up, and my kids have always called my husband's stepdad 'granpa'. You're not blood-related to your in-laws either, yet many people call them 'mum' / 'dad' and treat each other as such.